Backgrounds and New Starts
by LirilaiNatural
Summary: So I fell in love with my character of Tannia and decided I wanted to do more with her. I also wanted to do more of Cas being human in S9, so this has been in the works for a while, but I'm finally getting it sorted and uploaded. This is the start of Cas and Dean's relationship in Witchy Ways and also a closer look at Tannia's background. M/M. Angst, fluff.
1. Tannia 1

Hey all! so, this will be a two-chapter-a-week kinda deal, 'cus you're gonna get one of Tannia's and one of the Bunker's.

I had to skip a lot of time with Tannia's stuff, so I tried to cover major plot points so she could catch up easier, which is why I cheat a lot (don't blame me!) and have a lot of 'oops too busy' entries. But hey ho.

They'll be just titled 'Tannia 1/2/3' or 'Bunker 1/2/3' etc so if you wanna ignore Tannia's you can do, I just wrote it 'cus I like background.

Once again, it was Sonja who beta'd these for me because she is wonderful and I don't know what I'd do without her, so thank her if you read and decide to leave a review please!

* * *

May 15th, 2004

Testing, testing, one, two, three.

I don't know why I wrote that. This is a journal, not a microphone! But ah well.

Would it be weird for me to write *shrugs* there? I dunno, I guess I belong to a younger generation that does those things.

I've gone completely off point, let's try this again…

My name is Tannia Colt, I turned eighteen today and with this age comes a new chapter of my life.

Or it would be new if I didn't grow up in this lifestyle and have uncles who snuck me with them on Hunts. Can I write that? Sod it, it's my journal, I can write what I like! As long as people don't find it and I get them in trouble…

Um… Yeah. I just turned eighteen, and passed my tests to become a fully 'licensed' Hunter who can actually go on Hunts without having to be snuck along because the uncle in question was babysitting me.

That will make no sense at all to anyone outside of this lifestyle, so if you don't know already what I'm talking about, put this journal back where you found it and walk away, trust me.

Okay now I've just intrigued too many people into continuing to read. I'm actually facepalming at mysen right now, and I should really stop writing.

Except from now on I've gotta record all my Hunts and anything I find in this thing, so I guess you're stuck with my rambling on about stuff. Sue me. Or don't, I'd much prefer it if you didn't.

Not that you'd be able to find me even if you wanted to, ha.

Oh, yeah, I've gotta write that in here haven't I? Where I'll be and all that jazz. This is actually to help people find me if I go missing, ironically what I was just joking about you not being able to do even if you wanted to. I need to think before I write really.

In each of these places there will be something that you can use to contact me, and if those don't work they'll point you to someone else to get in touch with who will be able to help you out or take the case off your hands, but if you're reading this I really hope you're competent enough to find me before I get gorged on.

Most of the time I'll be at home right now, seeing as College is all but finished and it's just final exams and the like that need to be done, but here's my evening activities for you:

Mondays: Swimming with mum

Tuesdays: Jogging or gym

Wednesdays: Yoga with Aunt Mel

Thursdays: Jogging or gym

Fridays: Tae quan do with cousin Nat

Saturday: Kickboxing with cousin Joe

Sunday: Magic practice

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that too… Hi, I'm a Witch. But not one with a wart on the end of my nose, surprisingly hardly any of us have those. Or a long, crooked nose, or green spiky hair. Also, not many of us wear cloaks and pointy hats outside of Hallowe'en, and even then we tend to do it for the irony.

This is reading like some stupid fairy story jesus fucking christ. I need to warn you now that everything in this journal is true, from the nonsensical babbling about my life to all the monsters and creatures that are written about.

See, there are things that go bump in the night, and that hide in the dark; all those monster stories you were told as a kid to keep you in line? They're all true. As well as a lot of others you might not have heard about.

But here's the plot twist, I'm one of a group of people who bump back and shine lights into the corners to get rid of any monsters. I'm a Hunter, and this journal is basically my legacy to leave behind when I get got by one of the things I set out to kill, but it got me first.

Or, y'know, more positively this is the thing I can pass down to my grandchildren when I'm too old to hold a gun properly or even focus on the research I'm supposed to be doing without dozing off and drooling all over ancient manuscripts.

Though actually that does sound like half our researchers anyways…

If my mum ever gets hold of this before I move out that will be the last you ever hear of me oh my god. I'm trying not to laugh right now and I think I may have to put this away for a while to recover.

Maturity, what is that?

* * *

May 30th 2004

So wow I'd forgotten I have other things to put into this thing. It's going to take a while for me to actually get into the habit of doing this. At least I've not had a Hunt in a bit so I've not really had anything to report on other than my 'exams'.

I've also been busy organising uni stuff, but that can come later when I get to it.

Anyways, my exams…

Every new Hunter (in Britain at least, hi, that's where I hail from) has to pass a series of exams before they're allowed to go forth and Hunt. Kinda like with anything else really, you have to pass tests to prove you can do it and blah, blah, blah.

But, obviously, these tests are a little different from your average Maths, English and Science exams.

Firstly, you've gotta prove that you can do the right research. For that, you're given increasingly less information about past Hunts and have to follow the trails that the Hunters (it's going to get really tiring capitalising 'Hunters' and 'Hunts' each time, but if I don't I'll get every kind of shit ripped out of me by anyone else who reads this) that went on them.

You get given the 'crime scene' and the witness statements for everything, but to begin with you'll get given really obvious ones (so it could be a Werewolf, easy, hearts missing; or a Wendigo, people go missing in periodic increments and sometimes pieces of them found which have been chewed on etc) and you've gotta put the witness statements in order, go through all the pictures (some of them are REALLY gooey. It's not for the faint hearted), and come to a conclusion within the time that the original case was solved with a plus of up to 5 days for when you're first starting out, and that gets lower as you progress.

When you've mastered all the easy ones, you get something like a Demon possession, and there are different levels of those too; meaning you get extra 'points' if you can identify the level of Demon that possessed some poor bastard and did its dirty work while simultaneously torturing the soul of the person within the meat suit.

Then after that, you get anything from Ghosts, to Poltergeists, through Ghouls and back to White Women. With a healthy dose of Tricksters and Sirens and any number of other creep-worthy beings. And Gods. Yeah, don't even go there just yet.

Of course, sometimes they throw in a red herring and you've gotta work out that it was actually a human that did the murders in question. Those ones are quite grim if I'm honest, monsters I can happily deal with, its people I'd rather avoid.

Once you've been doing that for a while, you can then go on field trips (yaaaay. That's only half sarcasm, just so you know, 'cus to begin with you're not allowed to actually DO anything, you've just gotta watch). Eventually though, you get to the good stuff. Actually planning Hunts for others and helping to piece together Hunts which are in progress.

That sounds stupidly dull, but honestly it's almost as much fun as killing off the thing causing the bumps in the first place.

After a couple more months of that you're actually allowed to hunt things properly, and that's where your practical exams start. Literally.

It starts off pretty easy, you've gotta do a run-of-the-mill salt n' burn TM.

That's totally a trademark, and if it isn't, it should be.

But yeah, it's as the name says really. You find a ghost, dig up the body, pour salt on it, and burn the remains. Sometimes those can go skewiff, like if there are remains aside from the body, but for your first one you're pointed towards an easy one. It's quite cute really considering I did my first one of those at about 8 years old.

Woops… I'm probably not supposed to tell you that…

ANYWAYS.

The second exam you've gotta do is along the same lines, you've gotta put a White Woman to rest. Now, a White Woman is basically a woman who killed her children in a fit of rage, and then killed hersen. Normally due to an unfaithful husband.

These women then appear (normally) on roads in the middle of the night and coax male drivers to take her home, normally back to where she lived when she was alive and not screwy; though sometimes they try and convince the men to take her back to their place under the pretence of a reward. Yeah, you know what I mean there. Waggly eyebrows not even needed.

The WW would target men who were unfaithful, or if left for too long will target any male under the assumption that even if they aren't unfaithful and never have been, they will be one day. Yeah, they get screwed up, same as any Ghost. It's a bit sad really, and honestly I do feel sorry for a lot of them, but that's beside the point. They need to be got rid of. Period.

So, yeah. You can deal with a WW the same way as you would a normal Ghost, by salting and burning their remains. But quite a lot of people get cremated, so when that happens you've gotta be a bit drastic. This normally entails forcing the WW back into the house she lived in before she died. Sometimes this is enough to snap them into actual death, and sometimes it's a bit more… Dramatic.

Let's just say even kids can hold a grudge for a long time. And let me tell you something else, there is NOTHING creepier than Ghost children. I get horrified shivers at just the thought of them. Ergh.

I've got the heebies now, look what you made me do. I'm glad I've always got salt nearby…

Anyways, third exam tends to be killing off a Werewolf, and yes, you use silver bullets. It's simple enough, a silver bullet through the heart and its lights out woofy. Though I suppose they don't really bark… Anyways. Yes. Silver bullet.

It's best with a Werewolf to try and catch them when they're in a human form, they're less aggressive and a hell of a lot slower, but of course a lot of people are squicky about that. Especially when the Wolf in question was an accidental turning.

To be honest, there's a lot of Werewolves that actually manage to live peacefully in society, though really I guess I shouldn't reveal that. That's a not-so-secret-secret known by those of us who are Witches and a few select others outside of our number. But hey now I've just told the whole world. I really hope no one finds this journal unless I'm long gone or I show it them or I'm going to get in a world of trouble.

NEXT EXAM. This one's a bit more tricky, you've gotta kill a Vampire. Now, Vamps normally come in nests so you tend to go in a group for these.

A few things you should know though, Vampires ain't like they are in a lot of the fairy tales. And they damn straight ain't like in twishite. Fucking sparkly faeries.

I feel my opinion may have been stated there… Woops?

Vampires can go out in the sun, to a point. They don't really like it but it doesn't burn them to a crisp. It just hurts their eyes and they'll burn a lot easier than a human will (unless you're fair, 'cus lemme tell you if I didn't have magic which naturally protects me from this kinda thing I would be lobster red with even the tiniest bit of sun. But thanks to my magic I actually tan instead. Nice huh?).

The only way to kill a Vampire is to cut off their head. None of this stake-through-the-heart bullshit. Though that does kinda stop them in their tracks, but I can imagine a lump of wood in the chest would stop a lot of things. Dead Man's Blood is also like poison to a Vampire, no one's sure if a high enough dose will actually kill them but it sure as hell makes them weaker than a new born kitten. And I guess you can burn them if you wanted, but the beheading is a lot easier and more likely to work. If you set a fire they can always escape, and once a Vampire has your scent they'll have it for life.

Again, though, with Vampires there's a few who are… Oh this is going to hurt me to type… Vegetarians like in the twishite books. Ergh, gimme bleach for my fingers. They only drink animal blood, which can keep them going well enough if they don't put out too much exertion between meals. They've obviously gotta feed more often that way too, but they tend to be farmers or take up farming so they have lots of lifestock.

I've put the heebies up you now, haven't I? Yeah, your local neighbourhood farmer could be a Vampire. But for the love of all things holy don't go trying to decapitate them 'cus they will still rip you to shreds. And trust me, you don't wanna be the reason a Vampire ignites its bloodlust. It ain't pretty.

I've realised we're a lot more accepting over here, just as an offside thought. In America, they'll sooner kill something than find out about it, but here we tend to do all the research we can. We're very 'ask questions first, shoot later' in our operations, which y'know, is a bit more civilised than going in all guns blazing.

Right what am I up to? Five, right. Exam five is a Wendigo killing.

Standard bit of background, a Wendigo is a creature that used to be human, until it consumed human flesh, and lots of it. Basically it's a sin and blah, blah, blah. The particulars are different whomever you ask but the general jist of it is a human who consumed the flesh of another human is then cursed to live as a monster for the rest of its days.

They hibernate as well, so there's only certain times with YEARS in between the killings/ disappearances where you're likely to catch them. They tend to hang out in woodlands 'cus campers and hikers are pretty easy targets, as are travellers and the homeless. Yeah, towns that have woods and forests on the borders are like a supermarket for Wendigo. I bet you're regretting carrying on reading now, huh? No sleep for you!

The only way to kill a Wendigo is to light it on fire. You can always cut their head off after for good measure, but good luck catching them to use that as the first port of call, they're stupidly fast and scarily smart. Rather than breaking into houses and stuff, they can and will pick locks to get in and out without as much noise. Though they tend to go for tents and just pull people out of them, it's less obvious when campers go missing from their tents than it is people going missing from houses, you can hide tents after all, and they're more likely to find couples in tents rather than families with dogs. Not that they're really that picky, it's more for ease of access.

And yeah, the people they take, they eat. There's no reasoning with these guys either, so this is one of the cases that's best to go in with the intent to kill. Of course, if you're ever handling/ aiming a gun it should be with the intent to kill, especially if you put your finger on the trigger. Else you may as well go home. Also, always treat a gun as if it's loaded, if you're a newbie I'm goina at least attempt to teach you right, no one can say I didn't try and if you ignore warnings then more fool you.

Though guns won't do much to a Wendigo, they'll just piss it off, so it's best to avoid those. There are symbols that protect you from Wendigo as well, there's a pull out sheet in the front of this thing with symbols and their uses on, you'll find it there, kinda looks like a child's drawing of a sunshine.

Wendigo can operate during the day, but they're about three times as deadly during the night as they can move silently and so quick you'll hardly see them; so during the night when vision's bad anyway you're basically fucked if you don't know what you're doing. Sometimes even when you do know what you're doing you're fucked. Wendigo might be the main cause of Hunter deaths aside from Demons (yep, they're real too). At least in Britain, can't really speak for elsewhere.

Anyway, Wendigo, yeah, fire. Fire kills them. You have to distract it, or catch it when it's distracted otherwise there's little to no chance of actually killing the damn thing. But if you interrupt it in the wrong way it'll just go into hiding and then you'll have to wait a few years before it emerges again, and there's no guarantee it'll wake up again in your lifetime so you get another chance.

Here's a tip though, they like dark, damp places, so old coal mines, deep caves and the like will be perfect for them. If you lose track of one or it goes into hiding, you can always try and find it in its sleeping place, but be VERY careful, they obviously know it way better than you do, and if you decide to go into one, I'd fully prepare to not come back out, just in case.

A lot of people prefer to do it that way though, so they take them down while they're hibernating, giving the Hunter more of a chance to hit the thing. They tend to work on their own, or in twos if the pickings are good, but don't be alarmed to find other Wendigo stashed away in their caves with bite marks in them. Like I said, they ain't picky.

Also, they're very good at keeping people alive and eating them slowly. Which y'know, is a great thought! But it just adds extra incentive to kill them, 'cus not only could you save future victims, you could save a couple of current ones too.

Now then, the final test, that would be performing an exorcism from memory. And I'm not talking of the fake Emily Rose variety either. I mean full on, Demonic Possession of the screaming, cursing, weird ass powers which are mostly used to throw you around and black smoke variety.

'Cus when a Demon doesn't have a meat suit, they basically look like the black smoke stuff from Lost. I wonder where they got that idea from… (Hunters, by the by, are in all walks of life and all forms of job. We have lives too believe it or not! We even have some stationed in the police, but I'll get to that later.)

An exorcism is pretty simple if all things go right, you draw a Devil's Trap (see the pull-out thing again), seat your demon in it, tied up or not (tied up if you're goina enter the Trap, if you're trying to get info from them the only way to do that is through torture really), then you say this chant:

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.

Ergo, draco maledicte. Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos."

Yeah, that's Latin, so brush up your pronunciation beforehand, trust me, it helps. After you've said this the meat suit the Demon is possessing will throw up black smoke out of its mouth, which will then go through the floor and send the fucker back to Hell where it came from.

A lot of people feel sorry for Demons the same way I feel sorry for some Ghosts, see, Demons were once humans who for one reason or another got sent to Hell when they died (yep, Heaven and Hell are real too, hence why a lot of Hunters are viciously religious) and then got tortured for years, before being allowed to torture others. It's that torturing that turned them into Demons, it warped their souls into something… Not human. We're not entirely sure how 'cus no Demon seems to know either, or at least never spills the secret, but that's how it goes.

But hey, that's your basic exorcism. It can get messy if the Demon's of a higher level than your garden variety, which needs a longer exorcism chant, but if it's in the Devil's Trap it ain't going anywhere as long as the Trap doesn't get broken, so you'll have enough time to look up the longer one, there's no time really to write it in here as I'm off on a Hunt later (finally) but I got told I had to fill this in before I was allowed my car keys back. Bloody parents.

Yeah, this is a family venture. You normally get into this life if you're born into it, or if you're dragged kicking and screaming (no, literally kicking and screaming) into it 'cus you got attacked or someone close to you did. That's what happened to my dad.

But that's a story for another time, 'cus if I wanna get this Ghost I'm after I need to leave now or I'll not have enough time to find it's grave and burn it before the patrols start to happen.

* * *

June 13th, 2004

That was a nice routine salt and burn, so I don't really need to record it, but I'm going to mention that I did it for recording purposes.

I've already filled in all the paper work (yeah, we record our Hunts so we know who's been out on what Hunt and who's best at what or in which area, it makes for easier job assignments and transfers) and it's all been logged and filed.

I've also been given the go-ahead for informing you all about me. As in that I can tell you that I'm a Witch in more detail and also tell you what different types of Witches there are, 'cus as with many things, Witch is a bit of an umbrella term.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people will have heard of Pagans, and all things to do with them like the Salem Witch Trials (which honest to god I'm sick of having to explain about so I'm going to write it here sometime and just shove it in people's faces when they start going on about the 'burning times' and such 'cus jesus fucking christ that shit is annoying. And most of the time inaccurate.) but this is slightly different.

Witches in this case, well I guess you can compare them to Charmed and Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 'cus that's kinda how we work. Instant magic and all that jazz. Although there is such a thing as levels of magic, and a Witch can lose her magic if she uses it too much, think of it like a battery and you won't go very wrong. That's the easiest way I can think of describing it.

Anyways, types of Witch…

You've got your garden variety Witch, same as with any form of anything really; these ones are ones who know they have magic, and sometimes come to the Hunter lifestyle due to getting involved with a Hunt going on near them and then being invited into the lifestyle, if they're not just born into it. I'd like to say no one ever regrets that, but it's a lie more often than not. They sometimes refer to themselves as 'Hunter Witches' as that's what they tend to do with their magic, they Hunt.

Of course, not all Witches Hunt. You get your Faerie Witches who tend to stick to working with Fae, and they tend to be born into a family due to a blessing by the Fae they work with, so are rather secretive about their knowledge. Same as Shadow Witches, good luck even finding those as they tend to hide from everything as much as possible. They're more common in America though as Witches are more accepted over here than there. That's not to say there's none, but, y'know, we just don't really know about them.

Then you've got your Elementals. These guys come in groups of four, being an Earth, Air, Fire and Water in each group. Their elements refer to the element of their star sign, which makes it pretty easy to tell who from who be fair! Now, with these ones, if one of them dies the group gain the powers of whatever element died in the sense of that power goes into the body of the nearest living one of their group. If three of them die the remaining one either goes mad and pretty much explodes with the force of power roiling inside them or they can distribute them to three new people, apparently it's not an easy task and it's very rarely done, they're more likely to pop. Not pretty. If all four of them die at once, then the element powers just latch onto another group.

Of course there's also the idiot humans who make demon deals. The less said about them the better really. Though, don't be too harsh on them. Most of the time they don't actually know what they're getting themsen into.

I'm of the garden variety Witch, and Witches like me are born into families normally, same as any other kid, but they tend to have weird things happen around them from birth. When they're about five they start getting trained in their magic if they're born into a Hunter family, and if they're not… Well… It can go many ways.

Sometimes they get put up for adoption, and the people in the adoption agencies (yep, we've people stationed in them as well!) tend to figure out quickly what they are and get them into a Hunter family so they can grow up learning about their magic instead of the messier way of accidents. If the kids get kept in their birth family then there's mixed feelings on what happens, 'cus a lot of people believe this is where you get the ones that go 'bad' from. The whole 'I never fit in so fuck it' attitude is what they're pointing at there.

But we can't explain that any more than we can explain murderers or any number of human things that are seen as 'wrong', so why we bother, I'll never know. More often than not the kids grow up to be normal, functioning adults who just so happen to have a few… Party tricks.

That's all the basics I can give, I'm not authorised to give away anything more than that just yet. I've got to have been hunting for a couple of years before I can start doing training/ teaching courses. But seeing as I'm off to uni, it'll be about 3 years before I can do any of that, even if I decide I want to. Hell, if I get requested to do it I'll gladly do so, but I don't think I'll be able to teach people when I'd much rather be out doing the practical side of it.

Maybe I'll be able to lead the field trips or supervise newbies. I dunno, we'll see.

Referring back to the Elemental Witches and claiming of powers, there is a spell that lets normal witches do that, but they tend to only do that if they're up to no good as it can get a bit much for Witches who don't know what they're doing or how to control fluctuating magic levels. Almost all of us get training in it, there are some people though who just can't take to it, so they get extra wards put on them so they're safe from it.

Yeah, we basically have sigils and stuff in our blood. It's both awesome and weird as hell. My anti-possession symbol? It's etched into my shoulder blade. That makes for fun when Demons try to possess me and then get essentially locked out, but can't find what is normally a tattoo.

I've had it a couple of times that they've broken my shoulder blade to possess me when I was about 14, Demons ain't picky on the age of their meat suits, but as soon as they possessed me the magic in my blood fixed my shoulder and basically fried them within my body. That is not a fun experience. But sadly its one I'll probably go through another few times before they get the picture and spread word to not bother with me. And that can't come soon enough!

Anyways, that's all I'm allowed to tell you on that topic, so I'm goina close this thing up and get some rest. Helping my uncle at the garage tomorrow and I need to be able to pay attention otherwise the amount of comments I'm goina get from the customers will drive me to smack one of them.

Seriously, it can be hell sometimes.


	2. Bunker 1

Dean hauled Sam into the Impala, carefully but quickly strapping him in with the seatbelts on the back seat before running back into the church.

"What's happening?!" Crowley shouted over the loud thumps coming from outside.

Dean just glared at him and hit him around the head, knocking him out with one blow. He then put a bag over his head and hauled him into the back of the Impala, throwing him unceremoniously in the trunk.

Dean ran around to the front of the car and jumped into the driver's seat, turning her on and pushing his foot down onto the pedal then guiding her along the road as fast as she would go.

He only realised when he hit the highway that he didn't need to break the devil's trap to get Crowley out of it.

Dean screeched to a halt outside the bunker, noticing that for about 5 miles around it he hadn't had to dodge any falling angels and hoped that meant they wouldn't wander into the area.

He felt a stab of worry about Castiel, but brushed it aside when Sam groaned loudly from the back seat.

"It's okay, Sammy, we're home, it's okay," Dean chanted as he pulled Sam out of the Impala and into the bunker, Kevin frantically babbling about lights flashing and alarms as he ran to help Dean carry Sam into the room.

"Kevin, put Sammy to bed. We'll sort that out in a bit," Dean half growled, Kevin snapped his mouth shut and nodded, his face creased with worry as he managed to help Sam walk to his room.

Dean bounded back up the stairs and hauled Crowley out of the trunk, running through the bunker so Kevin wouldn't see him and locked Crowley in their dungeon. Checking the devil's trap as he left even though he remembered again that he didn't need to break the trap to get Crowley out in the first place.

When he got back up the stairs Kevin was dancing from foot to foot in the doorway to room with the main table in.

"What happened, what were the alarms? Why did half the map light up?"

Dean sighed and scraped his hand across his face, "angels, they- they've fallen. All of them."

Kevin stilled in horror, "what… What about Castiel?"

"I don't know," Dean said, in a tone that said not to ask any more questions.

Kevin blinked but nodded, wringing his hands and glancing around at the bunker. Dean sighed and walked over to him, clapping his hand on Kevin's shoulder and squeezing it gently. "It'll be alright, kiddo."

Kevin bit his lip but nodded, "somehow I believe you," Dean snorted and walked to Sam's room, he stood in the doorway and watched his brother tossing about on the bed for a couple of minutes before walking in and gently moving his hair away from his face. Kevin hovered in the doorway unsure of what to do before Dean told him to bring a bowl of cold water and the medical kit.

Kevin stared at Dean for a second before Dean raised his eyebrow and Kevin coughed then retreated, returning a couple of minutes later with what Dean had asked for.

Dean carefully sedated Sam, and told Kevin to get some rest, they'd need to make some sort of plan for the future in the next couple of days, and Dean would need Kevin to concentrate on the tablets.

Kevin exited the room and left Sam with Dean, Dean gently wiped Sam's forehead with the cool water and watched as the sedative took effect, Sam's movements becoming sluggish and eventually stopping except for his ragged breathing.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," Dean murmured, blinking hard and swallowing, "I meant it, all of it. There is nothing I would put in front of you. I can't believe I made you feel otherwise. If you can hear me and bust my balls about this tomorrow I swear to god I will kick your oversized ass, but I swear man, don't you dare go down. If you don't stick around what hope is there for me. Cas is gone, and probably won't come back, Kevin's scared out of his wits, and Crowley's… Well… I don't know what's happening with him. Don't you leave me, you asshole. I'm so proud of you, you know. You quit the trials and held it reasonably together enough to ask what was going on with the angels, you're stronger than you make out to be, Sasquatch. I feel like shit for you feeling like you let me down, you've never done that, and I know you've always just had the best intentions with whatever you've done. No matter how skewed it's seemed," Dean scraped his hand over his face and laughed hollowly, "I guess I've someone else I owe that speech to… If he ever shows his face again."

Dean watched Sam for a few more minutes, wiping his forehead a couple more times till Sam stopped burning up before retreating to his own room.

It had been a long day, one he'd rather forget.

* * *

The first thing Dean did next morning was check on Sam, he'd settled down, but still looked exhausted. As gently as he could Dean checked the cut on his hand and cleaned and bandaged it without Sam waking up.

Kevin stumbled into the kitchen when Dean was making coffee, Dean put a cup in front of him and the Prophet mumbled a thanks.

"How are you feeling?" Kevin asked after taking a couple of sips.

"Sammy's the one to worry about there, I'm fine," Dean said without looking at Kevin.

Kevin sniffed and mumbled, 'yeah, okay' before picking up his cup and moving to the table where Sam and Dean had laid out the notes from the tablet when they thought Kevin had died. Dean glanced over and managed to hold in the flinch as Kevin traced a finger across the scratch on the surface from where Dean had swiped things off the desk.

Kevin just shrugged and continued putting the notes into order as Dean made toast and put a plate next to him. Kevin nodded his thanks as Dean wandered with his own plate into Sam's room.

Sam had started to mumble in his sleep and was beginning to roll around again, Dean chewed the inside of his cheek as he considered whether to try and sedate Sam again or let him wake up.

Dean began to carefully wipe Sam's forehead and talk to him in soothing tones, talking about nothing and everything as Sam woke up and blinked at him blearily.

"I feel like I'm five again."

"I wish you were five," Dean snorted, "do you know how hard it is carrying your gargantuan ass around?"

"Thanks, jerk."

"Bitch," Dean grinned, "how are you feeling?" Sam groaned and shook his head, "wow that good huh."

"Crowley…?"

Dean glanced at the door to Sam's room and moved to it, carefully looking down the corridor to see if Kevin was around, "in the dungeon," he murmured when he sat back down in the chair he'd dragged next to Sam's bed the night before, "Kevin doesn't know, probably best to keep it that way."

"He'll pitch a fit when he finds out," Sam groaned as he tried to sit up and Dean jumped to help him.

"Yes, thanks for that Dr. Phil. But he doesn't have to find out, so just keep it quiet, okay?" Sam barely nodded before he clasped his head in pain, Dean hovered his hand over his shoulder, "Sammy?"

"I'm fine, I'm good."

"No you're not," Dean deadpanned, offering Sam some paracetamol and a glass of water which Sam accepted with a tight grin.

"What's gonna happen to me Dean?" Sam asked as he settled back onto the bed.

Dean gulped away the lump in his throat, "I don't know," he managed to reply with a steady voice, "but it won't finish you. I won't let it."

Sam huffed out a soft laugh then drifted off to sleep again, Dean scrubbed his hand over his face and left the room, leaving his plate of uneaten toast behind.

He returned to the main room to find Kevin had spread out his notes wherever he could find the space, and was currently hunched over them and reading quickly.

"Please tell me there's something in those scratches that makes sense and will help Sam."

Kevin glanced up at him and cringed, "there might be, but you'll have to give me some time. I was concentrating on the trials, not on anything else. Most of this is mumbo to me."

Dean snorted, "you've been around us too long," and scrubbed his hand over his face again before wandering to the basement, going past Sam's room, under the pretence of trying to find a book to help.

He wandered to the fake wall and pulled it out, thankful it ran smoothly now him and Sam had oiled it and looked at Crowley on the floor. Crowley looked up and blinked.

"I can understand this, but really? I'm harmless now," Crowley's throat cracked as he spoke.

Dean sniffed and placed the plate of now cold toast that he'd removed from Sam's dresser and a glass of water near Crowley, who picked up the water gingerly then took huge gulps when he got it to his lips. Crowley then nibbled on the toast as he glanced around him properly.

"Can I get a lamp in here? Maybe some books?"

"Lamp, yes, books, no. I don't want anything in this place anywhere near you. Maybe I'll bring you some crayons and pieces of paper."

Crowley flinched but nodded slightly. Dean glared at him for a few seconds before collecting the plate and glass then retreating out of the small area, returning with a lamp that he plugged in and turned on before closing up the doors and leaving.

"Where's the book?" Kevin asked as he went back into the room.

"Couldn't find it," Dean responded, "I'll look somewhere else."

Dean made a point of looking along the bookshelves in the main room and pulling down a few on angels, half dropping them onto a desk and making Kevin scowl at him before the dark haired boy returned to perusing his own notes.

Dean watched Kevin work for a few more minutes before making himself another cup of coffee and then sitting down, pulling the first book off the pile and opening it, finding it to, thankfully, be in English. He began to read carefully, and ended up with a page full of half-hearted notes in about an hour.

He jumped slightly as Kevin yelped, "Sam!" and his head snapped up to see his brother hovering in the doorway.

"Um… Need any help?" Sam asked sheepishly.

"You should be resting," Dean clenched his jaw slightly.

"Yeah and we all know how well that goes," Sam said as he half fell into the chair opposite Dean and pulled one of the books towards him, "besides," he continued flipping the book open, "this one's in latin, I know you're rusty."

"Fuck off, Sammy," Dean couldn't help but return Sam's grin as the younger Winchester began to read and make notes of his own.

Dean felt Kevin's eyes on him and he glanced over, the Prophet raised his eyebrow and Dean just shrugged then returned to his own book. When he glanced up a couple of minutes later Kevin was also hard at work.

A couple of hours later Dean heard Kevin cough, and blinked to clear his vision to look around, Kevin nodded towards Sam who'd apparently fallen asleep on the book opposite, Dean pursed his lips in a frown and stood up, shaking Sam awake and hauling him to his feet with hardly any protest, which honestly worried Dean more than anything else.

He managed to get Sam into bed before Sam grabbed his arm, "you'll fix me, right Dean?"

Dean once again gulped away the lump in his throat at hearing his brother sound so young, and nodded, putting on his bravest face, "damn right I will," Sam smiled weakly and his hand dropped from Dean's wrist. Dean tucked it under the cover and squeezed Sam's shoulder gently.

Kevin glanced at him in concern as Dean walked back into the room and made another cup of coffee, Dean ignored him and put a cup in front of the kid before returning to his own book.

The rest of the day passed like that until Dean heard Kevin's stomach grumble and glanced over in amusement, Kevin pulled a face but blushed slightly.

"You still vegetarian?" Kevin nodded, "figures," Dean sighed and moved to the kitchen.

A few minutes later he placed a plate of vegetables and a couple of sauces next to Kevin with a fork, "we literally have rabbit food and nothing like your tofu crap. Deal with it," Dean gave a half grin as Kevin snorted but picked up his fork and began to eat.

Dean moved back into the kitchen and made himself a sandwich, sighing as he realised he needed to replenish their stocks, again. When did buying food become a weekly thing?

He walked back into the living room to find Kevin simultaneously shovelling the salad into his mouth and reading over his notes while jotting out new ones. Dean smirked and threw a small notebook at Kevin's head, earning him a sqwawk and a glare.

"If you've any preferences, write 'em down. I need to do a food run."

"You should go in disguise," Kevin mumbled as he scribbled down a few things, "then the angels won't recognise you."

"What is this, Hallowe'en?" Dean grumbled as he snatched the offered notebook back and ran his eye over the list.

"It might as well be," Kevin mumbled as he cleared his plate. Dean sighed and took it from his grasp.

"Yeah, that's true."

The hunter moved to the kitchen and rinsed off Kevin's plate, finishing off two more sandwiches and then moving quickly past Kevin towards Sam's room.

He peered into the room and left a sandwich on the bedside table for Sam before continued down to the basement to feed Crowley.

The ex-demon was sat cross legged on the floor and staring at his hands as Dean opened the door, he only glanced up when Dean offered him the sandwich and another glass of water.

"Thanks," Crowley mumbled.

Dean coughed slightly and looked around, "you want a chair?"

Crowley glanced up at Dean and shook his head, "I don't really deserve one, do I?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as Crowley ate the sandwich then handed the plate back to him. Dean left as quickly as he could let himself without making it obvious and leant on the wall on the opposite side for a few seconds before making his way back to the kitchen and grabbing his own sandwich.

"How's Sam?"

"Huh? Oh, he's… He's sleeping. Still," Dean forced a smile, "I guess that can only be good, right? Sleep it off so he can get up to mischief again."

Kevin flinched in sympathy and shrugged, watching with fascination as Dean dove back into the book he was reading.

"You never struck me as the book kind."

Dean snorted, "I'm not, that's always been Sammy's part. But with him… Out of action I've gotta pick up the slack. One of us has to pull our weight around here."

Kevin snorted, "yeah well you'll have to work harder than that then," he grinned.

Dean returned the grin half-heartedly, "yeah, but at least I'm making a start," he mumbled when Kevin looked back down.

* * *

"Garth, I don't care what other shit you've got going on, Cas is _out there_ somewhere, I know he is. Just tell people to keep an eye out for him… I've given you his description three times!... Jesus christ, blue eyes, black floppy hair, about 6 foot, will probably be in a light brown trench coat… I don't know about a beard or not man!... He was an _ANGEL_. He had one in purgatory but that was after a year… I DON'T KNOW IF HE'LL HAVE CUT HIS HAIR."

Kevin watched Dean's one sided conversation with a mix of terror and amusement, he'd not met 'Garth' but he'd learnt enough from the last two conversations Dean had had with him to know that he basically ran the Hunting lifestyle single-handed, a task Dean had explained used to belong to someone called 'Bobby' before something went south. Kevin hadn't asked any more because of the look on Dean's face when he said that last bit.

"Right, thank you, was that really that hard?!" Dean put the phone down and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Sorted?"

"Barely, Garth agreed to put an APB out for Cas, but I've no clue where the guy is. He could be in Alaska for all we know. I've no clue how we'll find him if he's in another country…" Dean trailed off and stared at the wall of the bunker until Kevin cleared his throat, "huh? What?"

"I said… Until then we'd better just try and keep us alive. Are you going shopping or not?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm going," Dean mumbled, fishing his keys out of his pocket and starting towards the door before Kevin jumped in front of him, "woah dude, what?"

Kevin waved his hands over Dean's clothes, "disguise! Or do you want to be grabbed by an angel?"

Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose again, "really, kid? You think there isn't enough crazy flying around right now without making me play dressup?"

Twenty minutes later Dean found himself behind the wheel of the Impala in a very badly done costume, complete with fake beard, and wig, and grumbling about how he was 'going to murder that fucking Prophet'.

Dean kept an eye out for people acting weird as he walked around the store, he saw the normal drunks and crazies he'd got used to in his few trips into town from before, but nothing out of the ordinary.

He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or worried about that.

When he exited the store he saw someone hanging around the Impala, a brief flare of anger and protectiveness reared it's head before the figure moved away and he recognised it as being one of the regulars he normally talked cars with.

Dean watched for anyone else and moved quickly towards the car, he packed the shopping quickly and sped away, carefully avoiding the busier streets as he snaked his way around town on a round-about path before he sped back towards the bunker.

He piled the shopping through the door and Kevin jogged up the stairs to help him.

"Did it work?"

"Aside from the fact that there were no angels about to see me anyways, I got a few weird looks and I'm pretty sure the cashier was waiting to jump on me for stealing something even though she watched me like a hawk from entering to leaving," Dean grumbled as he pulled off the beard and scratched his neck, "and this thing is itchy as hell. I'm pretty sure people paid MORE attention to me than they would have if I'd not bothered."

Kevin snorted, "you're just self-conscious, no one bothered you because you weren't you. Would you rather Sam wake up to you killed by ex-angels?"

Dean glared at Kevin as he retreated with some of the shopping bags, "why the hell would they be gunnin' for me anyway? Cas is the one who screwed with everything. It's him they'll be looking for," Dean's voice got quiet on the last sentence, and he realised that Kevin wouldn't have heard him from the kitchen as he shook out his shoulders and moved the rest of the bags into the kitchen where Kevin was looking through cupboards and putting things away,

Dean shooed him out of the way and started putting things away properly, Kevin hovered in the doorway and watched so he could remember where things were.

"Has Garth called?" Kevin jumped and shook his head, Dean frowned but nodded with a sigh,

Kevin tailed him into the main room and pursed his lip, "what, kid?!" Dean snapped.

Kevin jumped again and flapped his mouth open and closed for a few moments before mumbling "nothing," and going back to his desk.

Dean blinked at him and shook his head before going to check on Sam. At some point the younger brother had woken up and eaten the sandwich, which made Dean smile thinly, but had obviously crashed soon afterwards.

Dean sighed and sat down in the chair next to Sam's bed again, watching him frown and cringe in his sleep as whatever the trials had done to him continued to hurt him. Dean scowled and left Sam's room, storming to the basement and opening the doors to Crowley's cell, shutting them behind him and glaring at the form curled up on the floor.

Dean nudged Crowley with his foot and the ex-demon started awake with a snort then rubbed his eyes, "what?"

"What did those trials do to Sammy?"

Crowley blinked and sat up, "I don't know, Dean, they could have done anything. They were probably building up some sort of energy in him that would act as a plug to seal the gates forever but it needed a vessel to channel into."

Dean snorted, "brilliant," he pinched the bridge of his nose, he was developing an almost permanent headache, "so now what? It's just gonna bounce around in there?"

Crowley shrugged, the chains clinking together lightly, "probably," he paused for a second then, "I'm sorry."

Dean blinked and stared at him, "you're _sorry_? Oh, well, that's all well and good. Lemme just unchain you and let you free, congratulations, you're forgiven," Dean hauled Crowley to his feet and slammed him against the wall, "human or not, you've been a little shit in my life for way too long for a stupid little word to make all that go away."

Crowley flinched as Dean punctuated his sentence with another slam against the wall, "I know, I just… I have to start somewhere, right?"

Dean continued to glare at him then threw him to the floor, stalking out of the cell and closing the doors tightly behind him before walking down the corridors and breathing deeply to calm down before he faced Kevin again.

* * *

A few days passed and Kevin could see Dean getting more and more worried, though whether it was more for Sam or Cas he couldn't tell. He jumped at the slightest noise and spent a lot more time than was probably healthy staring off into space and not listening to a word that was said.

Kevin actually debated going to wake up Sam a couple of times to see if he could shed any light on his brothers weirder-than-normal weirdness, then realised that was basically a suicide mission.

The door to the bunker rattled with someone's knocking, Kevin's and Dean's heads snapped towards the door, the former in panic, the latter in suspicion.

Dean handed Kevin a gun, "take this and get to your room."

"I can't use a gun!" Dean just glared at him and Kevin ran to do as he was told, locking the door behind him.

Dean picked up another gun and stalked towards the door as more knocking echoed through the entranceway, he checked the gun carefully and readied to shoot it at a second's notice before he reached the door and took a deep breath.

Three more firm knocks reverberated from in front of him as he put his hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly, praying who - or what - ever was on the other side didn't notice.

Dean exhaled his breath and opened the door suddenly, aiming his gun at where the head of a human would be with a loose arm, ready to adjust his aim depending on where the thing turned out to be.

Dean's breath caught in his throat as Castiel stared down the barrel of Dean's gun with a terrified look on his face.

Dean gaped at the former angel's scruffy appearance, Castiel's hair was awry, no longer set in a messy-yet-styled look. There was a fuzz growing on his face again, Dean shivered remembering Purgatory, and the trenchcoat was stained and torn. His tie had aparrently disappeared and his suit jacket looked to have been torn into strips and tied in various places around Cas' arms and under his trousers, which also had holes and slashes in them. And a lot of brownish stains.

Castiel himself looked miserable, he looked pale, beneath the grime covering all the skin Dean could see, and he was visably shivering. Dean watched him carefully as he uncocked the gun and placed it carefully on a table next to the door, moved there specifically for that purpose, and saw that Cas was actually swaying slightly from side to side. As if he was unstable on his feet.

Cas gulped as Dean placed the gun down, "I... I didn't know where else to go..."

Dean gaped at him again before pulling him into a rough-but-gentle hug, "this is the safest place for you, Cas, I'm sorry, I thought you..." Dean coughed and made to move away but Cas' arms gripped him tightly as Castiel buried his head in Dean's shoulder and the shaking got slightly worse.

Dean heard a door open and quickly moved Cas further into the bunker so he could shut the door. He supported the man down the stairs and reached the bottom just as Kevin cautiously poked his head around the doorframe to the main room.

"Cas!" Kevin gasped at Cas' appearance, Cas gave him a soft, sad smile.

"Hello, Kevin."

"What..." Kevin's mouth snapped shut at Dean glared at him, "I'll, uh, go make up another room."

"Put it near mine and Sam's," Dean called after him, hearing Kevin's shout of 'okay' as the Prophet escaped down the corridor. "Come on, Cas, let's get you cleaned up." Dean bit back the joke about not having mojo to do it for him this time, realising, for a change, before he put his foot in his mouth that that probably wouldn't be appreciated.

Cas let Dean lead him to the showers quietly, Dean helped him peel off the dirty trenchcoat and eyed Cas' torn shirt where he could see bits of the suit tied around his arm. Dean raised his eyes at Cas but he just shrugged, picking slightly at his trousers and almost refusing to meet Dean's eyes.

"Alright, I know you know how to work these," Dean said as he turned a shower on and adjusted the temperature, "I'm going to get you a towel and some spare clothes and leave them on this chair, okay?" he asked while patting the chair in question. Castiel nodded with a small smile and Dean gently clapped him on the shoulder, inwardly cringng away at the slight wince this drew from the shorter man.

"I'll be right outside, just knock on the door when you're done and I'll help you gather up that lot," Dean indicated the coat on the floor and the rest of Cas' dirty clothes.

Dean left Cas to get undressed and get under the water. Cas carefully removed his shirt and trousers then began to untie the bits of suit jacket he'd fashioned into bandages for around his arms and legs. Thankfully he hadn't run into any angels on the way, he wasn't fully convinced they didn't have their powers after falling, and had just encountered minor injuries from not actually knowing how to balance without his wings.

Castiel sighed happily as he stepped under the warm water, he hadn't had much chance to clean in the past few days, every second he could spare had been spent trying to get to the bunker and avoid any of his brothers and sisters on the way.

Cas frowned at the thought as he watched the water get gradually less mucky as it swirled down the plug hole, he glanced around and saw shampoo and shower gel, he reached for them curiously and carefully squeezed a little of the former into his hand. He patted it into his hair and rubbed it gently as he'd seen countless humans do in the past. It was strange doing it to himself.

Castiel leant his head back under the water and screwed his eyes up in pain as the shampoo trickled into one of them; he pushed the heel of his hand into the affected eye gently and used his fingers to guide water to rinse it out, glaring at the offending bubbles with the other eye.

Cas eyed the shower gel suspiciously and reached for it with slighly pursed lips, he squeezed it into his hand as he did with the shampoo and blinked a couple of times. Putting the bottle down he rubbed the gel into both his hands before beginning to wash off his arms, chest and legs. He washed the bits of his back he could reach without straining his sore muscles then carefully rinsed it off under the powerful spray. Opting to just use water on his face.

Cas shut off the shower carefully and stepped out into the room, shivering as the cool air hit his skin and watching in surprise as it erupted into goosepimples. He forgot sometimes that he could feel the cold now...

Shaking his head Cas picked up the fluffy towel Dean had left him, the fluffiest one in the bunker, which Dean normally reserved for himself, but Cas didn't need to know that. He eyed the sweat pants and faded t-shirt Dean had left him after pulling on the boxers, which were only slightly too big for him thanks to the elastic.

Cas tugged on the trousers and pulled the strings a bit tighter to stop them falling down, then shrugged on the faded AC/DC shirt, smiling slightly and huffing as the smell of Dean (the smell of 'home') hit his nose.

As he stooped to pick up his other clothes and felt a twinge in his muscles yet again, he remembered what Dean had said and padded to the door. Cas knocked on it gently and heard a rustling from the other side as Dean stopped leaning on the wall opposite and opened the door slowly.

Dean flashed him a gentle smile and laughed at the state of his hair after Cas had rubbed it with the towel. Cas returned a small smile and glanced at the pile of clothes guiltily, "I... Um, I hurt," he mumbled lamely as he rubbed the back of his neck. A flash of concern crossed Dean's face, but it was gone so quickly Castiel wondered if he'd imagined it, but he glanced at Dean's eyes and saw it was still there.

"Hey, no worries man," Dean said too-bright as he scooped the clothes into a carrier bag, "these will have to be thrown out, we can replace them though," he finished after glancing at Cas.

"I would like that, thank you."

Dean nodded and dropped a pair of slippers at Cas' feet, "the corridors can get cold," he said in response to Castiels curious glance.

Cas shrugged slightly and slid his feet into the slippers, Dean stared at him slightly and Cas fidgeted.

"Shall we, uh," Dean gestured at Cas' jaw where the past few day's worth of beard was littering his face. Castiel ran his hand over it and glanced at the floor shyly, "right, you've never done this before," Dean sighed as he dropped the bag of clothes back onto the floor and motioned for Castiel to sit down.

Cas did as he was told and watched Dean carefully as he showed him how to apply the foam and move the razor so he didn't nick his skin, he noticed how Deans breath felt across his jaw, and how comforting his voice sounded as it instructed him on what was probably going to become a daily routine for him.

Dean offered the razor to Cas, who took it gingerly and managed to finish with just a couple of minor nicks. Cas then followed Dean out of the bathroom on a mini-tour of the bunker, watching as the bag of clothes disappeared into the bin room on the way past. Dean paused at the door to the room Kevin had made into Castiel's, noticing that it was actually right next to Dean's whereas Sam's was a few doors down.

Dean shrugged it off and glanced at Cas as he looked around the room, the hunter frowned as he saw the younger man shivering slightly, "dude, how bad is your body heat?" before throwing the dressing gown on the back of the door at him.

Castiel shrugged it on carefully as Dean continued the tour, finishing up in the kitchen and the main rooms below the stairs.

Cas sat quietly reading as Kevin worked, while Dean cooked them some food, both of them too engrossed to see Dean sneak away with a sandwich and glass of water and also missing his return with an empty plate.

"Right tuck in guys, goina drop this off in Sammy's room then I'll be back," Dean said, placing a tray of three bowls of soup and a sandwich onto the table then picking up the sandwich and wandering away.

He returned to the table to Cas and Kevin tucking into the soup gladly and placed a plate of breadrolls onto the table. Castiel tilted his head as he reached for one, Dean felt his gut clench slightly at the familiar jesture, and dipped it into the soup, sighing happily as he bit into it afterwards.

"How is Sam?" Cas asked as he used another breadroll to mop up the last of his soup a few minutes later.

Kevin glanced at Dean before responding, "he's... Not that good Cas."

Castiel glanced at Dean with the breadroll half way to his mouth, "how not good?"

"We're not sure," Kevin continued gently, "I'm back to working on the tablets to see what we can do to help him.

With a sigh Castiel put the breadroll into his bowl and dropped his head into his hands. Kevin glanced at Dean as Cas twisted his fingers into his hair and took a few deep breaths. Dean just stared at Cas.

"I'm sorry," Castiel managed to choke out, "Metatron, he... It wasn't... Naomi was... I couldn't..."

"Hey, hey, Cas, it's alright," Dean said, standing and moving next to the smaller man, "it's okay, Cas. We'll fight our way through this and come back stronger, we always do, remember?"

"But I could have done something, I could have-"

"Hey, no, let's not have any of that 'I failed' crap, okay?" Dean glanced at Kevin, "come on," he gently pulled Cas into a standing position and lead him back through the bunker.

"Dean, I'm truly sorry."

Dean glanced at Cas who was clutching the dressing gown around him and sighed, "Cas, seriously, you didn't know, it's okay. Rest for now, okay? We'll talk about it in the morning when we've got clearer heads."

Castiel nodded and got into bed as Dean spoke, "can you..." Cas glanced at the chair in the room and licked his lips slightly, "I've been alone the past few days and..."

Dean pulled the chair closer silently and watched Cas relax as he sat himself in it and made a show of getting comfortable, earning him a heartfelt smile, even if it was a small one, but at least it reached Cas' eyes.

"I'll stay till you drift off, okay?" Castiel nodded as he snuggled under the duvet and Dean snorted, earning him a curious look, "are you going to sleep with the dressing gown on?"

"Layers," Cas yawned, "I've yet to get used to this temperature thing," he mumbled.

Dean felt his gut clench again and cleared his throat.

"Can you... Talk to me? Until I, uh, 'drift off'?"

Dean nodded, paused for a moment then began telling Cas about his childhood, the good bits, of course. About weekends spent at 'uncle Bobby's' where him and Sammy got to be kids; he talked about how his dad actually remembered their birthdays quite often, even if he did forget christmas. Dean talked about what he remembered of his mom, and even talked about some of his better school experiences (though leaving out any sordid details, he knew Castiel probably already knew them, but still, it was the principle of the act.)

Dean talked quietly until he saw Castiel's breathing even out, and then talked a bit longer to make sure the angel - former angel - was actually asleep and not just listening to Dean's tales. Before he left the room he carefully threw a spare blanket over the top of the sleeping form and tucked it a bit closer to him like he used to do for Sam, then snuck out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

* * *

Castiel jerked awake, he didn't know why, and for a few minutes while staring at the ceiling he felt his heart race as he forgot where he was. However, as the memory of the previous evening came back to him, he relaxed back onto the bed and sighed quietly. Flashes of the nightmare he was having before he awoke gave him the reason for the sudden awakening, visions of his brothers and sisters falling and their wings burning seemed to be burnt onto every aspect of his brain.

He pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and rubbed them till colours danced behind his lids, but it didn't remove the images. Cas tried to think of other things, good things, the smell of the Impala; Sam's face when he laughed; Dean's voice when he was amused; Dean's smile; the hug Dean gave him in Purgatory; the hug Dean gave him when he arrived at the bunker; the reason Dean had to hug him then... No.

Castiel sighed again and rolled onto his side, he pulled the spare pillow to his chest and hugged it tightly, hoping to stave off the bad memories with a semblance of comfort.

It didn't work.

Glaring at the table next to his bed, Castiel sighed again. He sat up slightly and looked around 'his' room. It was very bare. Though he'd never had a room of his own, so he wouldn't know where to begin to decorate it. All he knew is he didn't like how blank the walls looked. It didn't feel like his.

Dean's room, that felt like Dean. He'd only glanced briefly at the door to what must have been Sam's room as Dean walked past it and poked his head through the door then shut the door properly, but Cas could guess that it looked like it belonged to Sam as well as Dean's belonged to the older brother.

Castiel scrubbed a hand over his face and sat up fully, he detangled his legs from the dressing gown and duvet then swung his feet to the floor, jumping slightly as they came into contact with the cold ground. He slid his feet into his slippers and smiled bitterly at the sensation of cold that remained on his skin for a few seconds.

Cas stood up and shuffled to the door of his room, he opened it and marvelled at how smoothly it opened for such an old building. He made his way down the corridor with no real destination but just hoping to tire himself out.

Due to his very good motor memory, he found himself wandering through the main room and into the kitchen. Glancing around Cas picked up a glass off the drainer and turned to get a drink from the tap, then noticed a decanter of whisky sat on the counter.

He glanced around again before picking it up and removing the stopper. Cas took a tentative sniff of the liquid and scrunched up his nose as the smell burnt his throat slightly. With a gentle cough Cas poured a little of the amber liquid into his glass and watched as the moonlight from the high window glinted through it.

Cas marvelled at the glittering substance for a few more seconds before moving the glass to his lips and drinking it in one mouthful. He cringed at the taste of it and nearly coughed again, but managed to hold it in.

A feeling of warmth spread along his chest from where the drink went down and Cas smiled slightly at the strange tingle. He picked up the bottle and moved over to the table where Dean and Kevin had been working on the notes from the tablet. Pouring himself another drink he started to rearrage a few more of the bits of paper into their right places.

Cas drank the second shot down quickly, cringing slightly less and marvelling again at the feeling of warmth that followed the drink. He glanced through the papers as he poured a third drink and swallowed it quickly, hiccuping and then giggling at himself as he remembered it used to take an entire liquor store to get him drunk.

He followed this thought with another shot very quickly.

Cas clenched his hands into fists slowly and tilted his head as the action seemed to be delayed slightly from when he thought about doing it. He giggled again and poured himself another shot, nearly spilling it so resolving to get a small table to pour any more drinks on.

Into the glass... Not on the table... He nodded as his brain made this clarification and stood up, then sat down very quickly as his head swam slightly. He stood up again, carefully this time, and moved with little coordination, and as quietly as he could manage, to the small table his brain had claimed for his drinking purposes.

With a few bumps Cas returned to the main table and placed the little stool next to it. moving the whisky and his glass onto it, and testing it by pouring himself another glass. He nodded at his good idea as he slopped a little onto the table and quickly dabbed it up with a towel, then took the shot he'd just poured and giggled again as he hiccupped.

"Cas?"

Cas swung his head around and blinked until the room stopped spinning, "Dean?" he managed to slur out with another hiccup and giggle combination.

"What are you doing?" Dean approached slowly and frowned as he saw the whisky on the small stool next to Cas.

"It's so I don't spill on the paper!" Cas said proudly.

"Okay then, good idea," Dean's frown deepened, "I meant what are you doing _here_ and not in bed?"

"Woke up, couldn't sleep, went for a walk, found kitchen, drunk!" Cas ticked them off clumsily on his fingers and grinned at Dean when he'd done, who couldn't help but return the grin as Cas seemed so happy.

"Okay you drunkard, come on," Dean moved to Cas' side and helped him stand up, Cas giggled and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and nuzzled Dean's neck, Dean frowned again, "really man, what are you doing?"

"Well, I broke the world, again, sooooooo I might as well get drunk!" Cas hiccupped and giggled again.

"What the hell man, that's not a good reason! You remember what I told you about my trip to the future, right? How you ended up just drinking and popping pills like you needed them to breathe?"

Cas hiccupped again and frowned, "why do you even keep me around, Dean?"

Dean started and moved Cas away from him slightly, streadying him with hands on his shoulders, "what?"

"I mean, I just break everything. All the time. All I do is let you down."

Dean gaped at Cas as he watched the former angel's glazed eyes well up slightly, he gulped, "come on," he managed to mutter through the lump in his throat, he seemed to be having a bit of an issue with those lately, as he pulled Cas closer to him and guided him back to Cas' room.

Dean sat Cas down on his bed and carefully tugged his slippers off before letting go of Cas so he could flop onto the mattress. Instead, Cas leant forward and planted a sloppy kiss on Dean' cheek, making the hunter freeze as the former angel fell back onto the mattress as first intended.

Castiel snuggled into his duvet and sighed happily, "you're my favourite Dean."

Dean swallowed around the lump in his throat again (seriously?), then stood up slowly, watching Cas suggle further into the pillows and duvets before yawning widely.

Dean made to move away but heard Cas mumble something that sounded like 'I'll get better'. He turned around to ask what he'd said but Cas' grip on the sheets had relaxed, and his face had smoothed out into a content smile.

Feeling like the lump in his throat had taken up permanent residence, Dean squeezed Castiel's shoulder gently and exited the room. He appeared a few minutes later and left a glass of water and a couple of aspirin on the bedside table before retreating to his own room.

* * *

Cas woke up next morning with a headache the likes of which he hoped to never have again.

He saw the pills and water and wondered where they'd come from, maybe someone in the bunker was psychic...


	3. Tannia 2

January 13th 2005

You may have noticed a slight time gap here.

I had a ban on hunting. Literally.

I got taken off all the registers, and actually wiped from the 'allowed' list. For 1 year. I've just got my journal back (through slightly sneaky means but I got given it back so it's not like I stole it) and have 6 months left before I'm allowed back in the field. It's not that bad, but I'm at uni, and there's _something_ in my halls. And I've now gotta let some other twerp handle it, apparently.

Because I decided to ignore an order to not hunt something. That I was hunting to begin with.

Sure, I was hurt. It was barely a scratch in the grand scheme of things. The problem was, or so I was told, because I stole a car and went after the thing that hurt me.

I'm not even sorry for it. It was my car anyways.

The thing was a Wendigo, and it was coming to the end of it's hunting cycle, so we'd have lost it if I didn't go after it.

I got hurt when hunting it, and managed to escape. So I was told I wasn't allowed to hunt it anymore due to it having my blood or smth stupid. Sometimes I really think those higher up from us have no clue how the things we hunt work.

It wouldn't matter if it had my blood or not. The thing would and could have still come after me even if I wasn't hunting. Putting me out of comission would have made it easier to find me. I'd have been a served meal.

But anyways...

I'd located a Wendigo with the help of some intel from locals, people had been going to a remote-ish campsite to 'escape the trials of everyday life'. No, that was the tagline of the site. It was some sort of new place that needed to get the word out there.

It got the word out alright, just for the wrong reasons.

Like I've said before on Wendigo, campsites are the best places for them 'cus they're basically a buffet. And with this one being near a mine shaft... I dunno. Some people are idiots.

I also may have implied that the Hunters in the planning bit of the council may not have done their jobs right.

No one likes being told that by someone a third their age apparently.

I may have also mentioned that a fish could do the job better than them... But that's beside the point.

Anyways, I'd gone to this campsite on my own, hoping to make mysen more of a target for the Wendigo. I'd gone around in the night and put sigils around the rest of the campers (there were only two other tents, full of big tough dudes with guns. It was amusing to hear them scream like 5 year olds) so the Wendigo would definitely come after me.

The plan went perfectly, until one of the guys shot at the Wendigo and stepped out of the circle. Seriously. Idiots.

The Wendigo swiped at me and slashed my arm to ribbons, then ran off into the forest. The guy who shot at it later 'disappeared'.

I found him in the Wendigo's lair... But lets just say for the sake of his family I left him there.

But yeah, the other guys took me to the hospital, where I got picked up by superiors and told to not bother finishing the job, someone else would.

The someone else they were planning on getting to go was a newbie that quite frankly should never have joined the Hunting ranks. They were a fucking idiot (and have since been removed. By removed, I mean killed. By a ghost. That tells you that my opinions aren't unfounded) and had no clue how to get intel even if it slapped them in the face.

So, I stole a (my) car and went and finished the job. I saved the newbie's arse in the process, but for all my efforts I got reported and then suspended for a year.

I also had to report as to _how_ I stole the car, because they made sure to take 'everything' away that could have been used to hijack one. They forgot to take my laces though.

The look on their faces when I told them I'd used my shoe lace was fantastic. I don't think they believed me 'cus I wouldn't tell them how though, and they don't believe in using magic on one of their own, so that may have saved me my shoelaces in future.

It's simple really, just tie a slip-loop in a lace about half way down, work it behind the door, get the loop over the lock of the door, and tighten it, then pull it up. Then it's a simple hotwire (hello, I worked in my uncles garage, that shit's not hard) and you're on your way!

But yeah, I got to the site, the other tents had been shredded, and there were clear drag marks off in the direction of the mine. So, I followed them.

I made my way into the cave and followed the smell of blood that the place stunk of (seriously, magic heightens all of your senses, it's both a blessing and a curse). Like I said earlier, I found the body of the guy who shot at the Wendigo, and had to walk away.

I was poking about when I heard a groan, and there was the newbie. So I got her down, and the Wendigo appeared behind me. I grabbed the flame thrower I'd brought and torched it.

As we left we torched the rest of the bodies too, so it didn't attract another or make any bad smells that could give away what was going on.

When the bodies had finished burning we buried any remains, and then got back to the offices.

Where instead of telling them she'd acted on her own like we agreed on after I saved her arse, she reported that I'd gone against orders and so I had my arse handed to me and then suspended.

So, this may be the last thing I write about for a while in here. But I got it in so I could look back and laugh. Or seethe, at the moment it's the latter.

* * *

January 25th 2005

I got rid of the ghost.

Sod my superiors. Right now I'm not impressed with them and they can try and remove me permanently, I'll just work for mysen in that case.

Purely 'cus it'd piss them off.


	4. Bunker 2

"KEVIN," Dean yelled as he stalked into the main room, "please tell Castiel his plan is stupid and makes no sense."

Kevin blinked as the two scowling men stopped at opposite sides of the table and glared at each other. He sighed as he dropped his head into his hands, "what plan is this, exactly?"

"To find a way to get into the room Metatron is currently occupying and get my Grace back so I can kill him."

"That... Isn't very well thought out..."

"THANK YOU. Jesus Cas, the guy just stole the bit of you that gave you all your juice, how do you know he's not done that to EVERY angel out there? What if he's just got a fucking stash of angel mojo at his fingertips?"

"Actually, the other angels still have the majority of their Grace, their wings have just been... Clipped."

Dean threw his hands into the air as Kevin glanced between them.

"Do you not agree that Metatron needs to be stopped?"

"Well yes! But going in all guns blazing isn't going to help, we need a plan of action here that doesn't end in you getting yourself killed over a fucking bottle of glowy stuff. Have you also forgotten about Sam? He's probably dying RIGHT FUCKING NOW and before we start working on going after some batshit angel with a power complex I'd like to have my little brother back in one piece. What about the damn angel tablet as well? What was so fucking important about it that you just ran off with it? But clearly it wasn't that important 'cus you lost the damn thing. Good job we got it back isn't it?"

"I didn't 'lose' it, Dean," Dean surpressed the snigger that almost broke through at Castiel still using air quotes, "I had it _forcibly taken out of my stomach cavity_ by Crowley! I didn't see you scrambling to help me then."

"You know what," Dean glared at the former angel, "blow me Cas-"

Before he could continue Castiel darted around the table and growled into his face, "one of these days I will just to shut you up," The dark haired man then turned and stalked out of the room, leaving Kevin and Dean gaping after him.

"I... Don't think he understands what that means... Does he?" Kevin gulped.

Dean just glared at him and then leant on the back of a chair.

The two of them heard a cough from the doorway and glanced up, Dean rushed to Sam's side as the younger brother waved him away and sat down heavilly in a chair.

"No need to shout, guys. Apparently someone who's sick needs their rest."

"Oh well I'm sorry for arguing against a stupid idea," Dean grumbled.

Sam glanced at Kevin and raised his eyebrows as Dean moved to get Sam a drink. Kevin shrugged and shook his head. Sam jerked his head slightly to Kevin, indicating that he should leave for a few minutes.

Kevin nodded and faked a yawn as Dean came back, "I'm gonna go for a lie down..." he mumbled as Dean eyed him curiously.

"Subtle," Sam mumbled with an amused smile, Kevin just glared at him as he left the room but ruined the expression with his own grin.

Dean sat down next to Sam and dropped his head onto the table, sighing loudly, "so," Sam started, "what's the plan?"

Dean groaned, "Kevin's still looking through the tablet," he sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face then looked at Sam.

"And," Sam glanced towards the door and leant towrds Dean, speaking quietly, "Crowley?"

"No clue what to do with him yet," Dean murmured in response, Sam nodded in understanding, "I mean, the guy seems to be human, so, what are we supposed to do man?"

Sam shook his head and shrugged slightly, "Dean, how are you?"

"Me? I'm just peachy, Sammy. Angels are just wandering around America and probably the world, there's an ex-demon chained up in the dungeon, my little brother is having god knows what happen to him, and I've got a fallen angel ready to throw himself onto a spike 'cus he's frustrated. Everything's fine."

"Wow, okay, no need to get snappy at me," Sam shoved Dean's shoulder lightly, earning him a glare that didn't quite reach Dean's eyes, "why were you and Cas arguing for no reason anyway?"

Dean spluttered, "no reason? Sam! He wants to _burst in on Metatron and kill him_. Like it'd be that easy! That's not 'for no reason'. The guy's on a suicide mission and there's no way I'm gonna let him do that just so he can prove he's sorry or whatever."

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean, "so this isn't because you actually care about the guy?"

"What? He's a friend, Sam, of course I care about him," Dean frowned.

"No, I mean _care_ about him, Dean. Most people you'd be happy for them to do whatever it took to prove they were sorry, including letting them just burst in on the most powerful angel out there."

Dean spluttered a 'shut up' and moved to the kitchen to make Sam food, but not before Sam saw the slight blush on Dean's face. Sam followed him into the doorway and leant on the frame as Dean moved quickly around the room, carefully avoiding looking at or even facing Sam for too long.

When Dean placed a sandwich onto the table he turned around and started clearing up, Sam moved to the table and started eating.

Half way through Sam tried again, "how else would you explain this sudden gush of wanting to keep Cas safe?"

Dean ignored him, save for a glare, and left the room. He stalked past Kevin, ignoring his curious glance as Dean grabbed an armful of books, and locked himself in his room. Dean slid down the door and glared at the wall opposite him for a few seconds before rousing himself and sliding a record onto the player he'd claimed.

The music started and Dean turned it up slightly, enough to drown out anyone trying to talk to him through the door, and set the books around him on a desk.

* * *

Later in the evening Dean heard a soft knock on his door between songs. He sighed and moved to open the door, freezing slightly when it was half open and he saw Castiel stood there with a plate of food and a bottle of beer.

"Can I come in?" Cas asked sheepishly. Dean shrugged and went back to his seat at the desk.

Cas slowly walked into Dean's room and smiled as he glanced around, taking in everything that made it personal to the hunter and remembering why he wanted to decorate his own.

"What's up, Cas?" Dean asked with a slight smile.

"I, uh, brought you food. And beer. In apology for my words earlier," Cas said, offering the plate and bottle to Dean almost shyly.

Dean eyed them for a moment before shrugging, "hey, thanks for the grub, I was just about to make some. Has Sam eaten? What about Kevin?"

"Sam is at the moment, Kevin got fed first because he was in the main room." Cas frowned slightly at Dean's dismissal of his apology, "did you hear me? I apologised?"

"Yeah, Cas, you do that a lot," Dean said after turning back to his desk and the book he had laying open there. No one needed to know he'd been staring at the same page for the past hour and hadn't actually taken any new notes since he got into his room.

Cas watched Dean sadly for a few minutes, then left the plate of food and the beer on the desk next to him. He wandered out of Dean's room and closed the door softly, waiting for a few minutes to see if Dean got up and locked it again, he did.

With a sigh Castiel wandered down the corridor to Sam's room where he'd dropped off food before going to see Dean. He opened the door after a knock to see Sam sat in bed with a book and more notes than Dean had got.

"Hey Cas, food was great," Sam glanced up with a grin, "woah, dude, you alright?" Sam's face dropped into a concerned frown.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you," Cas replied as he gathered up the empty plate and glass next to Sam.

Sam reached out and grabbed Castiel's arm gently, causing him to stiffen, "hey, I grew up with Dean, I know when someone's not really alright, what's wrong? I know I'm not Dean but..."

Cas sighed, "I tried to apologise to Dean and he brushed it off again, like he did after I returned when Crowley stole the tablet," Sam sucked in a sharp breath, "it is alright, it is not like I expected him to forgive me."

"He does though, you know that, right? He thinks of you as _family_, Cas, and he always forgives family."

Cas gave Sam a small smile and shrugged before leaving the room to clean Sam's plate. Sam frowned after him and carefully stood up.

The shaking in his legs came and went, and right now was a moment when the shaking threatened to make him fall over. Instead of letting it beat him, though, Sam stumbled to the door and walked along the corridor to Dean's room, leaning on the wall as he went and breathing heavier than a short walk should have made him.

For a few minutes Sam leant against Dean's door and listened to the music swap to the next song, both so Dean would hear him and so he could get his breathing under control to make it seem like he hadn't just run a marathon.

When the songs swapped, Sam rapped on Dean's door, took a deep breath and stood up. He heard Dean sigh and move to the door, the lock clicked and Dean peered out through a small gap in the door before he saw it was Sam and threw it open.

"Sammy, you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, except you're an ass," Sam grinned and motioned for Dean to get out of the way before walking into Dean's room and flopping onto his older brother's bed, "you ever gonna tell Cas you actually forgive him?"

Dean frowned at Sam and glanced down the corridor before shutting the door again. He wandered to the record player and swiped the volume down so him and Sam could talk properly.

"The dude apologises for everything, Sam, if I told him every time that it was okay or whatever I'd go mad."

"Yeah, but he needs to hear it some of the time, dude," Dean just glared at him as he flopped into his chair, "to be honest, I think you need to stow your crap."

Dean spluttered, "what?!"

"Come on, you clearly care about the guy, and whether or not you admit it everyone can see this 'thing' you've got going on, just, accept it at least? Would you?"

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, "wow these trials have fried your brain or something, Samantha. Seriously, there's so much crap going on right now I'm not surprised your head is like scrambled eggs but you don't need to shove it on me, okay?"

Sam huffed, "seriously man, ask anyone, Kevin will agree, so will Charlie, and I bet Garth will when he sees you and Cas interract."

"Charlie hasn't seen us 'interract'."

"She's read the books."

"Fucking Chuck."

Sam snorted and threw a pillow at Dean, who caught it with a grin and gently hit Sam over the head with it.

"Seriously though, dude, just... At least tell him you forgive him. Even if you can't admit to being in love with the guy."

"Sammy," Dean sighed, "I say this with the biggest amout of love and care that I can, fuck off and stop spouting your shit so I can sleep," Dean looked at Sam and Sam could see how tired he seemed, so he stopped arguing.

Sam rose from Dean's bed and moved to the door, he opened it half way and then leant his back against the frame, "Dean..."

"Night, Sammy," Dean had flopped face down on the bed, holding the pillow Sam threw at him over his head and burying his face in the other one, so Sam left.

He passed Castiel on the way back to his room and shared a small smile with him before collapsing into his own bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

Cas walked into his room and shut the door, he slid down the wood and sat on the floor staring at the opposite wall. He stayed that that for a few seconds before sighing and moving to his desk where he gently closed the books he'd been reading and then got into bed.

He stared at the ceiling of his room as the shadows from his high window waved across it and hoped he'd fall asleep soon so he didn't have to think.

Dean stared at the wall, then rolled onto his back and watched the tree shadows swaying over the ceiling, then rolled onto his other side and glared at the door.

"Jesus christ Sammy," Dean mumbled as he buried his face in his pillow again, breathing in the clean smell of fresh bedding that he'd started to let himself get used to.

He thought about what Sam had said and frowned into the soft pillow. 'Ask anyone'. What was that suppossed to mean? No one but Sam seemed to be thinking anything of his and Cas' friendship. Because that's all it is. To _both_ of them. Right?

Right?

Sometimes he hated his little brother.

* * *

Castiel stumbled into the kitchen again, not careful enough in the dark to not trip over the book on the floor. Though he didn't call out when he stubbed his toe against the hard spine of the thick volume, which he took as a small victory.

He located the whisky easily enough, and quickly poured himself a drink, swallowing it and in a single motion refilling the glass again. Cas felt bad for doing it, but it helped him sleep. He'd just have a couple more then stumble back to bed.

As he swallowed the second drink he thought he heard a noise, but ignored it to pour a third one and swallow it, the familiar nice warmth spreading down his chest as he felt himself relax slightly.

"Cas? Again?" Dean asked softly from the doorway, causing Cas to jump and look at the bottle in his hand guiltily, "are you drunk right now?"

"No... I was trying to sleep."

Dean sighed and walked over to Castiel, he took the bottle and the glass out of his hands, refilled the glass with water and handed it back to Cas.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"I know, man, I get it. I forgive you."

Cas gave Dean a tight smile, "You worry, I'm sorry, I just make it worse. I'll not do it again, I promise. I know you worry about what you saw when you went to the future, I'm sorry."

"Cas," Dean held up his hand, "stop apologising, it's fine, just, go to bed okay?"

Castiel nodded degectedly and carried the glass of water with him, sipping it as he made his way back to his room and Dean put things away in the kitchen, and secretly made something for Crowley to eat.

As Cas lay down on his bed he felt the familiar slowness that seemed to come from alcohol, but it wasn't enough to make him giddy like he'd had the night before. Instead he stared at the ceiling and wondered why Dean kept him around. The thought seemed like a recurring dream in his head now.

He doesn't deserve a friend like Dean. Or Sam. Or Kevin. Or anyone. He didn't deserve to be brought back all the times he has been. He understood it was for pennance, but he knew he didn't deserve the chances.

He felt something trickle down his cheek, and moved his hands to his eyes. Tears. He let out a surprised huff as he began to cry, then rolled over and buried his head in his pillow to muffle the sobs.

There was a soft knock on his door, and then he heard Dean's voice, "Cas?"

"Go away Dean," Castiel managed to say between sobs.

Cas heard nothing for a few seconds then felt the bed next to him dip as Dean sat on it. He felt Dean's hand gently rub his back as he continued to cry into his pillow and every now and again squeeze his shoulder in comfort.

As his sobs died away Deans hand stilled on his upper back, "feel better?"

"Not really."

"You will," Castiel could hear the soft smile on Dean's face, and when he turned his head to look he saw it there, along with Dean's sad looking eyes as the taller man squeezed his shoulder again in confirmation.

Cas gave Dean a tight smile and rubbed at his face gently, Dean swapped the two pillows on Cas' bed around so he wasn't laying on the damp one and made to leave.

"Dean... Will you..."

Dean looked over his shoulder at Castiel and paused, before continuing on his way to the door. Cas sighed and buried his head in the pillow again as he listened to the door close.

He heard his chair move and his head snapped up to see Dean settling into it with a smile, "sure, Cas."

"Thank you," Castiel smiled at him as he settled into bed, "can you just, talk again? About anything?"

Dean grinned, "yeah, I can do that. How about stuff before you joined us? Not this time, I mean before you dragged my fat ass out of hell. It was weird, Cas, trust me. It might not seem as weird as things are now, but it was."

Dean talked gently, he told Cas about his first hunt on his own, and his first hunt with Sam, he talked about how John used to help him whenever he was stuck, and how John actually showed an interest in what Sam had learnt at school.

He aso talked about how heartbroken he and John were when Sam went off to college, and when Sam ran away. He told Cas about how he went to get Sam when John had gone missing, and how they put a White Woman to rest thanks to Sam. He talked about the people they'd saved, and about how upset and mad he was when Crowley started to kill them off out of spite.

He then started talking about the bunker, about how he felt safe there, and the sort of things they'd found. Dean told Cas about all the storage rooms that they'd found, and all the others they hadn't even started to explore yet. He told Cas about the dungeon, but not that Crowley was in there.

Dean admitted quietly he was scared for Sam, he didn't know what to do to help him and he was worried that this might actually end him. Like he had been since the start of the trials.

"I don't know what's gonna happen now, man. I mean, I've got Sammy to look after, and Kevin to keep safe," Dean chuckled, "and there's you," Dean glanced at Cas and saw he was asleep, "I want you to keep safe too, y'know? I hope you know that. I'm just having a difficult time saying it. I worry about you, Cas, I worry a lot. Not just because of what I saw in the future, but that plays a part of it. I don't want you to be that broken. I swear to you, Cas, you won't stay human. We'll fix this. Even if it's just you and me who can, I don't wanna let you down again." Dean laughed quietly, "I mean, I'd gladly have you by my side no matter what, angel, crazy, human... Stoned, whatever. But, I know you man, I know you wanna be _you_ again. And I can't blame you for that."

Dean leant forward and put his head in his hands. He scrubbed them over his face and watched Cas sleep for a few moments, "you've spent so long fixing all my fuck ups, and cleaned up so many of my messes, it's about time I got to clean some of yours up too. What are friends for? Well, what's family for?"

Cas stirred in his sleep and mumbled something Dean didn't quite catch, Dean's mouth snapped shut and he watched Cas for a bit longer. Cas settled down again and began to snore slightly. Dean chuckled fondly and squeezed Castiel's shoulder gently before he left the room and went to his own to sleep.

* * *

When Dean woke up the next morning it was raining, he could hear it hitting the windows and the roof of the bunker. He pulled himself out of bed and moved to make breakfast for everyone.

Kevin was already up, and grinned at him as Dean wandered into the main room.

"What time is it?"

"About eleven, you must have needed sleep."

Dean blinked and glanced at his watch, then huffed, "anyone else up?"

"Yeah, Cas went for a walk around the bunker and Sam's been to get food and a new book."

"Cas is out in this?!"

The door to the bunker opened, and a very wet Castiel walked through the door and dripped his way down the stairs.

"In his defence, it wasn't raining when he went out..." Kevin sniggered at the bedraggled man.

Cas smiled at Dean and tugged off his jacket, "I may have been caught in a downpour but I can still function well enough to tell you your spelling is off," he pointed to a word on Kevin's notes and the younger man scowled before hitting Cas' hand away.

Dean laughed as Cas's grin widened and watched him wander to the door, "hey Cas, want some food?"

"No, I ate before I went for a walk, thank you though."

Dean nodded and moved to the kitchen, he made two sandwiches and walked back to his room eating one. He stopped outside of Castiel's room and listened at the door, he couldn't hear anything so assumed Cas had gone for a shower.

That thought shouldn't have made Dean blush.

Dean took the other sandwich down to Crowley, who was curled up on the floor sleeping. He poked the former demon with his toe and sniggered as he started awake.

"Food," Dean said, passing him the sandwich and sitting down as Crowley ate slowly, staring at the edge of the devil's trap on the floor.

"Thank you," Crowley said as Dean took back the plate, "I'm surprised you can find it within yourself to forgive me..."

"This isn't forgiveness, you fucking douchebag, this is being a human being," Dean growled as he stood up and left the small space.

He grabbed a couple of books off the shelf to take back up with him, glad he did as he bumped into Castiel wearing just a towel when he came out of the archive rooms.

"More books? Really?"

Dean started as he noticed him, then grinned, "yeah, why not? There's gotta be something somewhere," he then noticed Cas was only in a towel, and blushed slightly before coughing, "anyway, back to studying!"

Dean moved around Castiel carefully, not missing the confused face of the former angel, and continued into his room.

A few minutes later there was a knock on his door and Cas walked in wearing an oversized sweater and another pair of sweat pants.

"Dude, we really need to get you some clothes," Dean said after he finished laughing, "you look ridiculous in Sam's old stuff, and what the hell is that sweater?"

"I found it in one of the rooms, it's warm, shut up," Cas grinned slightly at Dean's laughter, "though I do agree, I would like to not have to borrow clothes off you and Sam."

"Well get your measurements and next time I go into town I'll get you some things," Dean grinned as Cas stood awkwardly in the doorway, "dude, you can come in properly you know."

Cas smiled almost shyly and moved to sit on Dean's bed, holding himself upright as if he still wasn't sure how his body worked, "what have you found so far?"

"A whole lot of crap," Dean sighed poking the book he was trying to read, "none of it will help, really, the only thing that _will_ help are those damn hunks of clay with things scratched on them."

"They are not really clay..."

"I know, Cas, just... Never mind."

The two of them fell into an easy silence as Dean stared at the book and Castiel looked around his room.

"I want to decorate my room," Dean jumped slightly, "it is rather... plain. It unnerves me."

"Well, what would you like in it?"

"I... Have no idea."

Dean burst into laughter, "oh that's fantastic, well done, Cas," Cas frowned but his lips twitched into a smile, "okay, when I get you more clothes I'll find you something for your room, okay?"

"Okay Dean."

Dean snorted again and went back to reading the book, glancing up when Castiel swiped one off his desk and took a few sheets of paper then sat back down on Dean's bed to read it.

Over the course of the next few minutes Cas ended up shifting his position slowly so he'd kicked off his slippers, and shifted around to lean his back against Dean's headboard. He'd bent his knees to rest the book against them and was fully immersed in the book. So much so that when Dean got up to go to the toilet, Cas hadn't even noticed him leave when he got back.

Dean sat back down at his desk and watched Cas out of the corner of his eye. The dark haired man frowned slightly as he was reading, just a tiny wrinkle between his eyes which made him look like he was concentrating deeply on the words in front of him.

"Found anything, Cas?" Castiel didn't respond, Dean smiled softly and sat back in his chair, he looked at Cas properly; he watched how his hands turned the pages carefully as if the book in front of him was precious; he watched as the frown deepened for a moment, and as Castiel's tongue stuck out from between his lips, and his eyes scanned the line two or three times before realisation dawned on his face and the tongue disappeared; the frown lessening back to the smaller one the man wore before.

Dean tilted his head slightly and almost laughed at the action as it was so... _Cas like_, but watched as Castiel's hair dried and flopped about more. Some of it still sticking up from where it was rubbed by the towel, and some of it flopping into place from being stood on end.

He watched as Cas reached up slowly and rubbed at his hair to settle it, then tilted his head as he continued to read with one hand still tangled in his hair. Dean coughed slightly and glanced back at his book, realising he'd reached the end of it by idly flipping through it while watching Castiel. It wasn't any help anyway.

"Cas?" the ex-angel still didn't respond, so Dean stood up and moved to stand next to the bed, when that still didn't get a reaction he waved his hand in front of Castiel's face.

Cas jumped, gasped and his eyes snapped to Dean's. Dean laughed as the slightly glazed expression clarified and Cas blushed, "sorry, did, um, did you need me?"

The laughter stopped but Dean continued to smile, "you know I could be so cheesy with a response, but it will always go over your head. You want anything to eat?"

Cas shook his head as Dean left him in his room.

"You... Could be cheesy?" Cas murmured and frowned as he remembered the crypt, where Dean had told Castiel he was like family, and that he needed him, that didn't seem cheesy, was that what Dean was referring to? Or something else?

Castiel shrugged and glanced back at the book he had propped open before standing up, stretching, then returning to his previous position and continuing to read.

He didn't notice Dean come back with a sandwich and take his place at his desk and a new book of his own.


	5. Tannia 3

February 10 2005

Had another ghost in the halls, didn't even bother reporting this one, just got rid of it mysen.

What is up with this place?

* * *

July 30 2005

Five ghosts. FIVE. In my halls. That's just... I don't even know what that is. There's either something up with this place or theres a hell of a lot of people with family heirlooms.

So far only one I've got rid of has been a family heirloom. The rest of them have been security guards.

Are student's really that bad?

Least my Hunting ban has been lifted. Can't see me getting many Hunts other than these though.

* * *

October 14 2005

Ended up breaking into the halls I was in last year and checking the place out properly when there was no one around over the Summer, forgot to record it till now though 'cus I've been busy with other stuff over Summer. Mostly paperwork because people don't know what grammar is and working at my uncle's to build up some savings.

Turns out there was a curse on the security guard's office. Charming. Got rid of the hex bag, saved a lot of future guards.

Wooo.

Couldn't find who put it there though, scrying did nothing and I'm pretty damn good at that! Here's hoping that who/ whatever did it has already been dealt with or I could be in a lot of trouble.

* * *

February 3 2006

Literally nothing going on. Because I'm in uni I'm not getting any Hunts. This is a bit crap to be honest.

Just thought I'd write in here for old times sake.

Also did a fuck load of copying things out for information purposes. So now my hand hurts.

Don't expect to be given anything till uni cuts out in another two years.

Two fucking years. Ugh.

* * *

July 24 2006

Had a ghost at the new flat. Got rid of it.

Is this really what my Hunting life has become?

* * *

October 31 2006

Ahhhh Hallowe'en. Actual Vampires were out on the prowl tonight. Luckily only two of them though.

Got rid of them pretty quickly.

* * *

January 25 2007

Got so much awesome stuff for Christmas I've only just decided to take a break.

So many books ahhhhhhh!

Information on all sorts of things supernatural. I was so happy.

I think my flatmate thinks I died though 'cus I hardly moved off the settee because of reading...

I miss talking to Hunters on a regular basis, they understand my excitement.

Sometimes.

* * *

June 23 2007

Finished uni, passed, graduated.

Now I can at least get back to Hunting properly!

I'll be moving into a flat with another Hunter, too. That should be fun!

We'll then take it in turns to Hunt, so like one week I'll be on Hunts and the next she will be. It means that we get breaks, it's nice I guess.

I'm also going back to work in my uncle's garage now, so my degree will come in handy, a bit... Seeing as it was a mechanics one I had a bit of prior knowledge due to experience...

I also skipped the gap year thing. Where you could work for a year in a garage somewhere and potentially get a job there when you complete the course. Partly because I knew that I had a job waiting at my uncle's, but mainly cus I know that another garage probably won't appreciate me skipping parts of work due to a Hunt, so it was a bit poinless.

Plus, it meant I left uni faster. Half my 'friends' on my course I'll probably never see again, 'cus they're all going back home anyways, so no skin off my nose really!

* * *

June 14 2008

What. The fuck. Is going on.

The past year or so demons have been going fucking crazy, like, swarming every town and city they can.

We've been run off our feet, literally.

This is the first day I've not had to do anything (partly because I got told to sit the fuck down and stop showing people up, and partly because wow I really needed a break)

I think we've killed off and exorcised more demons in the past 4 months than have ever been around this part of Britain ever.

That may be an exaggeration, but it proves my point.

And today... I've no clue what happened today. Every demon that was pottering about just seemed... Too happy. Like something... Something happened that made them happy.

It makes us very worried.

* * *

September 19 2009

Horsemen. Horsemen of the apocalypse.

Granted they're not on horses. They're in classic cars.

But.

MOTHERFUCKING APOCALYPSE HORSEMEN.

I didn't sign up for this shit.

Just goes to show you that the Apocalypse can come any time I guess.

* * *

September 21 2009

I met an angel. And no, this isn't me swooning in the impending death of the world. I've ACTUALLY met an angel.

His name is Sammandriel, and he's wearing the meatsuit of some poor young lad called Alfie.

Poor sod looks very out of place in England seeing as he's wearing a uniform for some food chain in America... But even despite that, dude's got a stick up his arse.

He's very proper, and him and a few other Seraphs came to ask for help in defending people against the Apocalypse. Because apparently there's a small group of angels that would actually like to avoid it...

I don't quite know how it works. And I've no clue why I agreed to help. I've got enough on my plate without helping out angels.

Angels, man.

I need to sleep.

* * *

December 13 2009

Another angel. Buuuut this one, not as friendly as Sammandriel.

We have these bunkers, y'see, where we keep cursed objects and things that will be of use in certain situations, nearly every hunter has one of their own and anything that gets scavanged or found gets put into every one evenly.

There's a hell of a collection in some of them, 'cus some families choose to have one between them that gets passed down. That's what happened in mine.

There's literally hundreds of years worth of stuff in there.

Anyways, I digress, we have certain triggers on the place to let us know when someone gets in, or tries to, and we're not there. They went off today. But, it wasn't the one by the door, it was one right in the middle of the bunker. This place also has fuckloads of wards on it, so nothing evil can get in. Meaning we were damn curious to see what it was that had breeched it.

Now, the thing is, you couldn't get to the middle without tripping about four other traps no matter which direction you went. So, me being the only Witch in the family, went to check it out.

I got into the bunker without opening it, using magic of course, and literally just waited. I scanned all the demon traps, and all the triggers to see if any had been broken or disengaged, but they were all fine. Whatever was getting in either didn't know about them or didn't care, I wasn't sure which one was preferable really.

So yeah, I was waiting about 3 hours before I heard this flapping sound. Now, I knew the sound 'cus I've got so used to Sammandriel just popping up out of nowhere, so I knew whoever was in the bunker was an Angel, I just didn't know who they were, or why they were there.

I also knew that there were rings of Holy oil on the floor waiting to be set alight. So I felt a little bit more secure.

Anyways, the Angel started rummaging about on the shelves, carefully mind you, and I could hear them put something down and then fly off. Naturally, I moved so I could see what had been put down and could just about make out a staff that wasn't there before.

The flapping came again, and the same Angel, at least I assume it was, appeared in the same place and started putting something else down, then paused and looked around.

I knew that Angels couldn't sense me because of Sammandriel, this was the reason he'd come to me and a few other Witches. Angels see people's souls, right? But you can get sigils to make you invisible to them unless you pray to them specifically, then it's like a beacon directing you to them. Us Witches? Yeah, we have them in our blood along with the other ones. This makes us awesome.

Or more likely to be asked to help Angels when they need sneak attacks. Either way.

The Angel moved over to another shelf, luckily stepping into a ring of Holy oil as he did. So I set the thing alight with magic and then waited while the, very British, voice stopped cursing.

As I stepped out from behind the boxes I was using for cover the Angel stopped and gaped. No. Literally. He then started swearing some more and then asked me who the hell I thought I was.

"I don't think I'm anyone, I know I'm me."

The Angel gaped again for a moment before actually laughing, "well, darling, you have guts, I appreciate that. Now if you'd just douse these flames I'll be on my way..."

"I don't think so, who are you and what are you doing?"

Surprisingly, he answered straight away, his name is Balthazar and he's hiding artefacts he stolen from Heaven in our bunker.

Yep, I wondered what the fuck was going on too.

Apparently, the other Angels in his garrison thought he was dead, so he was officially off the radar, so to speak. He used this to his advantage and stole a load of weapons from heaven and has been hiding them on Earth to make the Apocalypse less destructive.

I'm not sure what to believe.

But let's just say I'm glad Holy oil doesn't actually get used up when it's burnt...

Yeah, Balthy is still there. Until I can get a hold of Sammandriel and ask him about Balthy, that's where he's staying.

* * *

February 14 2010

People in America have been killing themsen.

I can hear you rolling your eyes and saying stuff like 'that's not big news'. Well what if I say they were all dying of stuff they were starving for.

Yep, you guessed it, Famine. Another bloody horseman. Thankfully this one didn't come to Britain, apparently there's a couple of brothers called the Winchesters in America who're to blame for all this shit and they've taken it upon themsen to fix it all.

Which, y'know, is good of them.

Oh, Balthy isn't stuck in Holy oil anymore, by the way, managed to get through to Sammi about a week after Balthy showed up (I visited every day, you can't do me for neglect!) and confirmed that Balthazar was 'dead' and weapons from Heaven were going missing.

They all assumed it was Raphael and other angels who wanted the Apocalypse and so were building up their arsenal to get it done with as many human casualties as possible.

Nice people, huh?

I didn't clear that up, and just made up that I was just wondering where other angels were and Balthy was one I'd read about that apparently liked humans. Good job I'd checked and this was true, huh?

But anyways, Balthy is now on side and is actually a pretty damn useful asset. Or ass, depending on if you get his good side or bad side.

He brought me some books, so he's instantly an awesome person. Thing is, they're on these Winchester lads, and they're written by a guy called Chuck Shurley... I'm dubious.

* * *

March 31 2010

How are these Winchesters still alive jfc.

Sheer dumb luck a lot of this shit.

'Chosen ones' or not they have a fuckload of close calls. Everything's out to get them!

Gotta respect the dudes though, they go through some fucked up stuff and yet still stick together... Mostly.

They also die. A lot. That gives some hope for them getting Death's ring though...

Yeah, Balthy explained this awesome loophole for getting Lucifer back in his cage, 'cus don'tcha know, Lucifer walks the streets!

I wish I was joking.

Or dreaming.

Both. Both is good.

* * *

May 14 2010

The Apocalypse is over.

I can't believe I'm writing that from this side of the grave, the Winchester lads did it.

They crammed Lucifer back into his cage yesterday, and avoided the end of the world.

Today was spent on clean up, and ohhhh it was good.

From all accounts, Sam (that's the younger brother) let Luci use him as a meat suit, and dragged Michael down with him and Lucifer, so there's even less chance of the world being smote.

Props to him, I feel sorry for his brother. No clue what's happened to him, Sammandriel said something about he's fulfilling a promise? I don't know.

Balthy has gone awol now as well, not 100% though, every now and again he pops up in the bunker and leaves something else there, but now he has permission.

He also often leaves cakes, bless him. And a couple of times notes and letters telling me how he is, I write back and leave them in the bunker.

It's almost like having an extra terrestrial pen-pal.


	6. Bunker 3

Castiel was wandering around the bunker. Not for any reason in particular, but because he was trying to find ways to be useful; and to distract himself.

He'd spent the morning sweeping, and generally cleaning the bunker for the others. They were too busy and dust was building up. It felt quite nice, Cas thought, to clean. It gave him something to do and take up the space in his mind that was trying to come up with a plan as to how he could fix this.

He'd not been very successful so far.

Castiel frowned at the floor and shook his head to clear that thought away, he wasn't supposed to be dwelling on this. He paused mid-step and glanced at the floor again, he was sure he could see something, light, coming from under the bookcase he was stood next to.

With his frown deepening Cas walked around to the end of the bookcase, and found it stopped at a wall. He retraced his steps and continued the other way, the bookcase hitting the wall again at the other side.

Castiel pursed his lips in thought and moved to where he could see the little sliver of light again. He put his hands against the bookcase and began tracing the shelves, not sure of what he was looking for but he'd seen people do this in films (contrary to popular belief, Castiel had seen many, but he just didn't care to remember them like Dean did).

That brought a small, fond smile to Cas' lips, before he found what seemed to be a handle on the underside of one of the shelves. Castiel blinked and tugged on it gently. The bookcase moved silently a couple of inches, just enough for Cas to peer around it and look into the space beyond.

His eyes widened when he saw a devil's trap on the floor, and as his eyes raked around the small space he traced chains from the wall onto a small figure on the floor. No, an average sized figure, just curled up.

"Crowley" Cas breathed, he watched the figure breathe for a few seconds before silently slipping the bookcase back ito place, this time noticing that there was no light escaping from under the bookcase, which was probably for the best.

_'Did Kevin know? Who put him there? Why is he chained up? I thought Sam cured him?'_

Questions spun in cas' head as he hurried back to his room. Thankfully he didn't bump into anyone on the way.

As he closed his door from the inside and slid down it, he remembered how Dean had been sneaking around, or seemed to have been. Castiel had assumed it was to go check on Sam without people knowing he was worrying so much, but now he began to suspect that that was only half the reason.

Castiel resolved to confront Dean next time it was just the two of them.

* * *

"Hey Cas," Dean said after knocking on and opening Cas' door, "want some grub?"

"I would prefer to talk to you."

Dean blinked, "uh... Sure buddy, what's up?"

"Come in and shut the door."

Dean paused for a moment before doing as he was told, he eyed Cas curiously before swinging Cas' seat around and sitting on it backwards, so his legs splayed around the back and he faced Castiel directly.

"Crowley," Cas said without looking up from his book, "Crowley is in this bunker. Why?" Castiel finally glared up at Dean, who squirmed.

"What was I supposed to do man?" he raked his hand over his face, "I wasn't sure whether Sam had fixed him or not, but I couldn't just leave him there."

"So he's still a demon?"

"I... I'm not sure. I didn't have to break the devil's trap to get him out of it at the church, and there's been a couple of times that I've given him holy water here to drink and he's not reacted. So, no, I guess he's cured."

"Then why is he here Dean?" Cas almost shouted, "why didn't you just leave him out there for the angels to get?" Castiel lowered his voice again, "why bring him here where Kevin might be able to find him and get upset?"

"I mostly keep him sedated..." Dean mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't think Kevin'll find him. I keep the place closed up."

"Well you need to be more careful. I found it because it wasn't closed properly," Cas growled.

The two descended into an awkward silence, Dean shuffling in the chair, and Castiel staring at the floor between Dean's feet.

"You keep Crowley sedated?" Dean nodded and pulled a face, Cas held up his hand so Dean didn't speak, "how can you do that, Dean. How can you keep a fellow _human being_, regardless of what he was in the past, sedated in a cold room with just a light to keep him company?"

"Oh you're one to talk about leaving people alone, Cas," Dean glared, "I prayed to you, for ages. Every night I prayed to you. And just like in Purgatory you didn't even tell me you were alive. The least you could have done was tell me you were alive. You always complained when I didn't trust you, but why do you think I didn't trust you, Cas?"

Castiel flinched, "I already told you, Dean, Naomi wouldn't let me come to you."

"Well what about when you got the tablet? Huh? You said it broke her control over you. So what was that? You vamoosing with that thing when we could have used it to sucker punch her into regretting messing with you."

"Dean..."

"No, Cas, I'm not finished. Then instead of letting us keep you safe from her, and instead of letting Kevin have that tablet, you vanished into thin air. What the hell, Cas?" Castiel mumbled something, "what?"

"I didn't want you to trap me in heaven!" Dean blinked and snapped his mouth shut, "I assumed that like with the demon tablet there'd be a way to... Close off Heaven. Like I was eventually trying to do. But I didn't want you to just shut me up in heaven before I'd come to the conclusion that that would be best."

"Cas... You know we'd have found some other way to deal with that."

"Why would you have? You don't trust me," Cas glared at the foot of his bed.

Dean gaped at Castiel for a few minutes, before the anger resurfaced.

"You can't shout at me one second for that and then use it as a defence the next. You know, Naomi came to me after you vanished with that fucking hunk of stone. She came to me and you didn't. And do you know what he said to me?" Cas glanced up at Dean, "she told me that she didn't tell you to ruff me up in that crypt. She told me she didn't tell you to kill me. Cas, please, just, even if you cant actually tell me anything else, tell me that isn't true."

Cas gaped at Dean and blinked, "she... She said that?" Dean pressed his lips together ad nodded, "Dean... She... You have no idea what she made me do."

"Then tell me, Cas," Castiel glared at the wall, "jesus christ Cas, just tell me what she did already or how am I supposed to belie-"

"SHE MADE ME KILL HUNDREDS OF YOU DEAN. Hundreds!" Cas burst out, jumping off the bed and glaring at Dean as Dean gaped at him, "thousands, even. I don't know, I lost count. She. Made. Me. Kill. You. Thousands. Of. Times." his hands twitched at his sides and he balled them into fists, "she made me do that until I didn't resist." Cas put his balled hands to his temples and squeezed his eyes shut, "she made me hunt and destroy thousands of you before she'd let me back to Earth. Before you found me because I was interrogating demons." Cas sucked in deep breaths and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, shaking with the force of his outburst.

Dean gulped and lapsed into silence, he waited for Cas' breathing to slow down before glancing to the floor, "so why couldn't you kill me?" he saw Castiel's head snap to him and the hands fall from Cas' face, "what made me harder to kill if you/d already done it a thousand times?"

"You're different, Dean. The others... They were never you. They... They didn't have your soul. I knew it wasn't you. Somewhere. That helped me... Eventually."

Dean stood up and slowly moved towards Cas, who was staring at the floor and still shaking, Dean gently wrapped his arms around him and patted his back. Unlike in Purgatory, after a few moments Castiel returned the gesture; wrapping his arms around Dean and fisting the back of his shirt. He buried his head in Dean's shoulder and took deep breaths while Dean gently rubbed his back.

"Cas, man, I've gotta ask, again. What broke the connection in the crypt? 'Cus it seemed to me that you broke it before you picked up that stupid thing."

Cas moved back slightly and looked at Dean, he opened his mouth to speak then a cough sounded from the doorway. Dean's head whipped around to see Sam stood in the doorway, a slight blush creeping over his and Castiel's face as Dean coughed and moved out of the embrace.

"I thought you were making food, sorry, I just..." Sam backed away with an apologetic look on his face then hurried, unsteadily, down the corridor to his room.

Dean glanced back at Cas and cleared his throat, "hungry?" Castiel nodded and sighed as Dean walked out of his room without another word.

* * *

Eating was a strange affair that evening. Kevin kept glancing between Dean and Cas and then awkwardly eating a couple of bites of food before he finally sighed and took his plate into his room.

Dean tensed up but continued to eat, he glanced at Cas out of the corner of his eye and watched as the former angel chewed his food slowly with his shoulders sagging. Almost the picture of resigned.

Dean finished his food and took his plate to the kitchen. He quickly put a sandwich together and took it down to Crowley, when he returned Cas had finished his food, left a 'thank you' scrawled on his napkin and had wished Dean a goodnight in the same space. Dean put it into his pocket.

With a sigh Dean took Cas' plate to the kitchen and washed it absent-mindedly, not noticing Kevin depositing his own plate then slinking away without trying to talk to Dean.

Quietly walking to his room, Dean ran over the conversation he and Cas had. He cringed as he thought about how Cas really thought that he and Sam would lock him in Heaven at the mercy of the other angels. He also slowed to a crawl as he thought about what Cas had said Naomi made him do.

Thousands of him. Thousands of Deans. She made him... Naomi made Cas kill him thousands of times. So what really broke the connection? It wasn't the tablet... Was it Dean's soul being there? So Cas realised this wasn't a fake?

Or was it the tablet? It had burst out of it's casing... It could have been the tablet. It probably was the tablet.

Dean shook his head as he realised he'd moved past his room and was stood in front of Castiel's. He raised his hand to knock, but stopped before his knuckles connected and instead pressed his ear to the wood. He couldn't hear anything.

Sighing again Dean moved back to his own room. He leant against the closed door and glanced around at the walls, staring at the weapons that were neatly arranged on their holders and glancing at the picture of him and his mom.

"What am I supposed to do, mom?" Dean mumbled, staring at her smiling face for a few more seconds before swallowing the lump in his throat and stripping off his jeans then sliding into his bed.

Dean buried his head in his pillow and took a deep breath. He turned his head to the side and stared at his desk. With a quick action he reached out and turned off his light then pulled the duvet around him tightly, humming slightly as the familiar warmth surrounded him with a gentle smell of clean sheets.

He didn't remember swapping his sheets over today... Dean leant up on his arms and frowned at his room, nothing seemed out of place... Cas. Cas had been cleaning all day.

Dean groaned and flopped back onto his bed. Why did everything have to come back to that damn angel.

No more 'former' or ex-' angel. No. Dean wouldn't think like that. He wouldn't let Cas stay human. He promised.

He wasn't... Wasn't going to... Let Cas stay... Human...

* * *

A couple of hours later Dean jolted awake. He lay still for a few seconds with his heart pounding and wondering what had disturbed him, until the noise came again.

"NO!"

It came from Castiel's room.

Dean launched himself out of bed and flung his door open, almost slamming into Cas' door as he spun around and opened it slower than he thought. He saw Cas tossing and turning in his bed, and glanced around the room brandishing the knife he'd brought with him.

He couldn't see anything.

Sam appeared behind him, panting heavily, "Dean?"

"Sammy, go back to bed, I've got this," Dean responded as he put the knife down and hurried to Castiel's side. Sam glanced around the room and couldn't see anything, he hovered for a few more moments while Dean tried to wake Castiel up.

"Cas, Cas! Come on man, wake up it's okay, Cas," Dean mumbled gently, Sam slunk away back to his room, turning Kevin around as he went.

Castiel jumped and opened his eyes, he clung to Dean's arm with a gasp and continued to babble, "no, no, my brothers, my sisters, it's my fault, I made them... They fell because of me," Dean noticed with a twist to his gut that Cas was crying, "I ruin everything why did I do that, my brothers and sisters," Dean pulled Cas to him and hugged him tightly, "they're broken because of me, oh father why did you bring me back, I don't deserve to be alive."

Dean's gut clenched again, "hey, Cas, come on, Castiel, calm down, it's a dream, its okay, you're safe," Dean remembered cradling Sam like this when the kid used to have nightmares, he almost huffed out a laugh as he moved Cas into a sitting position and sat on the bed next to him, still cradling the sobbing man.

Cas' hands found their way to Dean's shirt, and twisted tightly into the material as his tears formed a wet patch that Dean could feel seeping onto the skin of his shoulder.

Dean rubbed Castiel's back gently as the angel began repeating the word 'no' over, and over again. Getting progressively louder with each sob until Dean shushed him again.

"Hey, Cas, come on, I've told you, you're safe, you don't need to get worked up, okay, shush now, come on man. You're not helping anything, just cry it out, don't hurt yourself."

Castiel quietened but continued to sob, his grip on Dean's shirt becoming impossibly tighter as he pressed himself into the warm body holding him gently. As the sobbing settled down Dean could still feel Cas trembling, but whether it was from the force of the dream or not he had no idea.

Carefully Dean worked the duvet up and around Cas, tucking it around the shorter man's knees and gently tucking it under his back. He ran his hand gently up and down Cas' back as the shivering stopped and his muscles relaxed slightly.

"'m sorry, Dean," Cas mumbled through still hitching breath.

Dean's words caught in his throat, he coughed and tried again, "hey, it's fine, Cas, it's okay."

"Not really," Cas whimpered slightly, "I'm sorry, I'll leave when I feel better..."

"What?" Dean started and moved Cas back to look at him, the angel kept his eyes averted as the duvet slipped off his shoulder, "why? You're not leavin', Cas." Dean set his jaw and made Cas look at him, "why do you want to leave?"

"You don't need me."

Dean felt like his stomach just dropped through the bed, "hey, Cas, no, that's not true, how can you think that's true?"

Castiel shrugged, "you were the one who said it," he almost whispered as he wiped his face on his dressing gown sleeve.

Dean sucked in a breath as he remembered. He dropped his head in shame and gulped, "Cas... I didn't mean that. Honestly, man, I didn't mean a word of it. Don't you remember?" he pulled the duvet back around Cas' shoulders, "you're _family_, Cas. We need you. We need to know you're safe, and eating. I need to know you're safe. I lashed out, I shouldn't have, you know I do that. I was angry, Cas, you showed up hurt and I just, I didn't know how to react."

Cas sat quietly while Dean rambled slightly, his lips twitching into a sad smile as Dean told him he needed him, again. He almost thought he'd misheard in the crypt. New tears were falling from his eyes but this time they weren't from the dream.

"I'm sorry Dean," Castiel mumbled as he yawned and sagged in the hunter's hold, "I won't leave, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay, Cas. We all say things we don't mean," Dean smiled gently, even though Cas couldn't see him.

He felt Cas' grip on him relax as the dark haired man sunk back into sleep, his outburst having clearly exhausted him.

He waited until Cas' breathing had, mostly, evened out; the occasional gasp from the force of his sobs from before still rumbling through him. Dean moved slowly and lay Cas down, gently tucking him in and removing his arms from around the sleeping form.

Castiel whimpered his name. Dean froze. He glanced at the door and moved to shut it, turning back around to see Cas looking less relaxed than he was even a few seconds ago.

Dean sighed and moved back to Cas' bed, he stroked his hand through Cas' hair and watched as the frown on his face cleared. He smiled, then yawned and glanced at the door again before carefully laying down behind Cas and stroking his hair more.

Cas rolled over to face him and buried his head in Dean's chest. Dean froze again for a few seconds before Cas let out a muffled but happy sigh, causing Dean to smile fondly.

Cas started to fidget slightly so Dean carefully wrapped his arm around his waist and began to mumble to him about how it was okay; about how he'd fix it; about how Cas would be an angel again; about how Metatron would pay for hurting him; about how Dean would gladly fight of any and all angels who thought this was Cas' fault in order to keep Cas safe.

Dean yawned again as he realised that Cas hadn't stirred for a while, and that his breathing was now completely even.

"It's okay, Cas," Dean mumbled as he drifted off too, "I've got you."

* * *

When Castiel woke up the next day he thought he dreamt it. Dean wasn't in his bed like he remembered falling asleep happening. He sighed and hugged the spare pillow to his chest, he must've grabbed hold of that and thought it was Dean staying to keep him company.

But no, Dean wouldn't do that.

Did Dean even come in? Or was that all a dream?

Castiel sighed and pushed himself to sit up and leave his room, almost bumping into Dean as he emerged.

"Hey Cas, you feeling better?" Dean asked, his dressing gown tied loosely and a gentle smile on his face. Cas nodded with tight smile, "liar," Dean nudged his arm with the plate of toast he was carrying and moved it to Cas' hand, then offered the cup of coffee from the other hand to him, "I was bringing you breakfast in bed, but seeing as you're up you can have breakfast in your doorway," Dean's grin widened as Cas huffed out an involuntary laugh.

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean's face sobered up, "you know I meant that, last night, right? I didn't mean it when I said we didn't need you." Cas felt a lump appear in his throat and nodded, he didn't trust himself to speak. "Okay, good," Dean coughed and rubbed the back of his neck, "I've, um, got stuff to do, so... I'll see you later, okay?" Cas nodded again and watched Dean turn around and awkwardly walk away.

"Dean," Dean paused and glanced over his shoulder, "thank you," Cas said raising the cup and plate, but meaning something else entirely.

Dean smiled as if he knew, "no worries, Cas, anytime."

Castiel smiled properly and ate the toast quickly, then drank the coffee as he made his way to the showers. He turned the temperature up and washed himself, drying off quickly and getting back into the sweat pants and t-shirt he'd borrowed off of Dean.

He didn't think he'd been that long, but apparently it was enough time for Dean to go into town grab some clothes and drop them into his room. Cas almost laughed as he looked at the t-shirt and plaid shirt with jeans combination that was laid on his bed.

Cas tugged the new clothes on and wandered into the main room, earning a whistle from Kevin who laughed as Castiel did a mock turn to show off his new clothes.

"Looking good," Kevin grinned, "hey, are you... Um..."

Cas cringed, "I woke you up?"

Kevin nodded, "Sam too. I think you could have woken up the whole bunker if there was anyone else here."

Cas coughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "I'm sorry. It was a nightmare."

Kevin nodded in understanding and went back to his notes.

The rest of the day was spent mostly like that, Kevin scouring the tablet and Castiel combing through books. Dean showed up a couple of times but disappeared soon after without a word, even though Cas said hello to him each time.

Kevin cringed after the third time of it happening and Castiel gave him a curious look, Kevin shook his head and moved to his room, leaving Cas by himself in the main room.

Not for long, though, Sam hauled himself into the main room abut an hour later, complaining that he was getting sick of the sight of his own room. This made Cas smile as Sam joked with him like nothing had happened. After asking, once, if Cas felt better.

Which Castiel appreciated. A lot.

"Sam... Is Dean... Is Dean alright?" Cas shocked himself with the sudden question.

Sam cringed and sighed, "yeah, he's fine. Well... He's Dean, so no, not really. He's just feeling bad. y'know? 'Cus he thinks he can't do anything to help us. So he's trying to avoid running into us, you especially seeing as he thinks this is all his fault, and get stuff done. He actually went on a hunt this afternoon, got cut on his arm or something. But he doesn't want anyone to worry about him 'cus he doesn't think we need anything else to worry about."

Cas' head had snapped up when Sam said Dean got hurt, "where is he?"

Sam shrugged and went to stand up, Cas jumped to his side as Sam swayed and the taller man leant on him gently, "in his room, I think. Who knows. I just know I need to get back to bed, so much for me being sick of the room, huh?" Cas gave Sam an apologetic smile and helped him to his room, closing Sam's door behind him as he left and moved to Dean's room. He knocked on the door and heard no response, so tried the handle. It was unlocked.

Castiel opened the door slightly and glanced around Dean's room, the older brother wasn't in there. Closing the door, he frowned then went on a search for the hunter.

A few minutes later Cas found him in the bathroom, trying to clean up a cut on his back.

"Dean," Cas breathed in shock, causing the hunter to jump and curse as he spun around and pulled the cut on his back.

"Jesus, Cas, don't sneak up on a guy like that," he said with a grin as he tried to angle his back away from the shorter man.

Castiel ignored him and moved around to look at Dean's back. "Give me the stuff," Cas said, holding out his hand.

"I've got it man, it's-"

"No, Dean, it's not okay, give me the cleaning stuff or I will get it off you in ways that aren't so polite. I'm a soldier, remember?"

Dean gulped slightly and handed the cotton ball and anti-sceptic to Cas without another word. Castiel motioned for Dean to sit down with his back to him and began to gently clean the gash.

"So, doc, is it bad?" Dean joked, Castiel huffed out a laugh.

"Stop it or I'll poke it," he retaliated with a grin, "no, it's shallow. What did you do this on?"

"Bit of glass, should be a pretty clean cut, right?"

"Now it's washed, yes. Why didn't you ask for help to begin with?"

Dean shrugged as Cas placed wadding and tape over the cut carefully, "I'm used to dealing with my own cuts," he examined Castiel's handiwork, "though never this neatly," he grinned at Cas' proud smile, "thanks, Cas."

Cas just shrugged and began packing away the medical kit. Dean threw away the cotton balls and took the pack off Cas to put it back in the cupboard.

"It's not your fault, Dean, you know that, right?"

Dean glanced at Cas with a surprised look on his face, "hey man, you okay?" Dean asked gently squeezing Castiel's shoulder.

"Dean, don't ignore me, please."

Dean sighed, "Cas, I know. I know it's not my fault but... I'm responsible, y'know? If I hadn't been such a dick you wouldn't have left and bumped into Metatron," Cas cringed, "now don't you ignore me either, you okay?"

"I will be," Cas said with a small smile, he glanced down and fiddled with the hem of his new shirt, "thank you for staying with me last night. And thank you for the clothes."

Dean coughed and blushed, "it's fine. You look good! And... Just don't make last night a regular thing, okay?"

Cas laughed, "okay, Dean."

Dean grinned at him before clapping Cas on his shoulder and pulling on a fresh t-shirt.

"Hungry?" Cas nodded and followed Dean to the kitchen to help him cook.


	7. Tannia 4

December 31 2010

Literally just finished (we think) getting rid of all the demons who went ape-shit when Lucifer rose. Seven months of too many demons.

Of course, there are goina be a lot more demons out there which didn't go quite as mental, and there will be more that crop up as things go on, but for now we've got all the really fanatic ones who have been still rambling about how Lucifer will still rise.

It was quite hard distinguishing them from the raving loonys that you get on a weekly basis anyway, the human ones who are obsessed with the world ending.

Sometimes I wanna give them the 'Winchester Gospel' as Sammi refers to them as and tell them that it's all 100% real. I think some of them might pop.

It'd make our job easier, though.

The word 'christo' has been seriously overused the past few months as well (it means 'God' in latin, and any demon who hears it reveals themsen through the black eyes thing) and I'm finding mysen using it as a swear word. 'Cus that's what I disguised it as while Hunting down all the demons we still had to find.

Ah well, it made a lot of jobs a lot easier.

* * *

February 14 2011

It's weird how different this time last year was. Then we were dealing with the horsemen of the apocalypse, and now it's just the general ghosties and ghoulies of Hunting life.

Had fun getting rid of a couple of ghosts tonight, actually. And when I say 'fun' I mean it was one of the biggest farses that I've ever gone through. And I say 'a couple of ghosts'... Well... You'll see what I mean.

See, a town outside of my home one has had people disappear on Valentines day for the past 10 years. Everyone just assumed that it was young couples eloping, 'cus the people who disappeared were always young couples.

Until last year when a body was found a couple of days later. And 'cus of the apocalypse it got pushed under the rug, which is the first thing that annoyed me. When I brought it to the attention of the council they told me to look into it but not get my hopes up.

Shows how much they should be in charge! I found out that a young couple about 10 years ago made a deal to sacrifice a couple on Valentines day for the rest of their life to be able to have a safe and unbothered relationship. 'Cus when they first got together the lasses parents didn't approve of the lad so did everything they could to split them up.

Some people are lovely, aren't they?

Anyways, I went poking around where the body was found and almost literally got jumped by the ghost of a young lass who'd been one of their victims.

Lemme tell you, if I told anyone else the full particulars of this, I'd be locked up for being a lunatic.

The lass told me about this couple, and gave me a load of facts that someone (or something, I guess) shouldn't know unless they were involved in the whole palava. She was one of the more recent (two years old) victims, so she wasn't quite batshit yet, which y'know, came in handy.

She helped me gather all the info I needed, and then told me one of the clinchers of the couple's deal, 'cus it was with a guy called Crowley.

Now, I'd heard this name before but I'd not put much stock in it. He was just a crossroads demon. No biggie. But... He's apparently got a bit more powerful recently. And he was a bugger for putting hidden clauses into his deals.

With this couple, he hadn't actually told them demon deals would normally be up after 10 years, and then they'd be dragged to hell on the back of a hellhound.

Well... That's making it sound like they'd be in one piece... They wouldn't be.

Anyways, one of the 'clauses' was that if the bodies didn't get found, they'd have a lot longer, something like 30 years the lass thought it was. Now, the reason she'd found this out was 'cus of the body found last year, the couple hadn't buried it properly and so it'd been found by some wild dogs (seriously, we still have those?) and so it was dragged into the open.

Why don't people think about burning the bodies? Seriously.

From what the lass said, another crossroads demon showed up reminding the couple of the deal that the bodies couldn't be found. But told them they'd been lucky as the body had been listed as being a wild animal attack. (At this point I'm beginning to think this was planned. Crowley seems to be a sneaky fucker.)

So, I go and grab my sister (family doesn't usually hunt together, but she's about the only one I really trust to help me and not cause a fuss, plus she's in the police now, so that makes for awesome access privileges) and we went and checked out the dump site.

That's where it got grizzly.

It was a mass grave, so there was no way that this one body would have been found so far away from the others unless it was placed there... See why I think it was planned? Anyways, we managed to salt and burn the bodies, save for the one of the lass that was helping us.

This consisted of swinging through so many wailing banshee-like ghosts I never want to see another ghost in my life jesus fucking christ.

We went and found the place that the couple lived, it was honestly in the arse end of nowhere. So that wasn't stereotypical at all. When we showed up there... It was grim, to say the least.

The front door had been caved in, and there were claw marks on a lot of the floorboards. And when we found the bodies... Lets just say we torched the house. There was way too much blood and body parts spread through the house to even hope to put the bodies back together.

The amount of salt we used on that place could sink the Titanic.

We turned back to the 'ghost' as we set the house on fire and hey, guess what? She had black eyes. We'd been played by a fucking crossroads demon. Who _thanked us for helping her then just smoked out_.

Turns out the demon had been using the body of one of the victims to make the deal void. She'd dug up one of the bodies and replaced it with another one she'd killed (that was a homeless lass that looked like the victim in question) and had placed it in a spot that meant it'd be found.

She'd also made it look like an animal attack by sicking her own hellhound on the body.

Fucking charming.

This meant we had to take the body back to the mass grave, salt and burn it, then bury it with the rest of them.

As we got in the car to go home I swear my sister was ready to summon the demon just to kill it. A few minutes later though, when I dropped her off at her place, she just turned to me and said 'people are fucking idiots, aren't they?'

I had to agree.

We had to fluff the report on this one a bit, 'cus we worked with a damn demon. Whether we knew it or not. So if anyone finds this journal my Hunting lifestyle is pretty much over. I just had to get the real story down in here.

Thankfully, Hunting journals are pretty much sacred to other Hunters, we'll never read one unless we're offered it. Or unless it's too late for the person who wrote it... I'm not about to go offering this one about after this Hunt, so whenever anyone reads this I'll probably be a pile of ash.

* * *

March 1st 2011

I get to train up younger Hunters now, mainly 'cus I'm a 'show off' and I need to 'let others have some limelight'. In my mum's words, but I think she was just teasing. A lot of people tell me they know how proud she must be that I do so well in the field, and she hersen has told me and my sister that she couldn't have asked for better daughters to carry on keeping the peace.

My sister will never admit it, but I saw her tear up at that. And if she ever finds this entry, she'll kill me hersen, sooo keeping this hidden from now on!

But yeah, remember those 'tests' I mentioned waaaaaay back at the start of this thing? (Fuck me that's 7 years ago. How time flies, huh?) Well I'm now in charge of the kids taking them. Partly 'cus I'm so good at what I do, and partly with me being younger the kids tend to listen to me. Mostly. And when they don't... Well... I have a couple of tricks to make them.

The main one being a flash of something to make them jump and go silent. Ingrained reactions are great.

I also get to help train some of the younger kids in their magic too; which is a hell of a lot of fun actually. It's weird to think I used to be like that though, not knowing how to pick something up and fling it across the room or how to control the direction it went... I just do it without thinking now.

We've all gotta start somewhere though, right?

Speaking of which, I need to go and sort out a case for a group starting their tests tomorrow, so I'd better get on that.


	8. Bunker 4

Dean continued to act weird for the next few days, it got close to a week before Cas even managed to talk to him again, and that's only because he cornered Dean in the kitchen when he was making more sandwiches.

"Dean, this has gone on long enough. I know you're researching as well but this behaviour is making everyone feel strange. What is going on?"

Dean sighed and leant against the counter, "I don't know man." he turned towards Castiel and the door, holding two sandwiches, "I just have a lot of stuff going on and I'm having a hard time compartmentalising it all." He offered one of the plates to Cas who shook his head.

"Is one of those for Crowley?" Dean nodded, "I want to come with you."

Dean shrugged as Cas followed him out of the kitchen and down to the dungeon, stopping off at Sam's room to drop off a sandwich. Crowley was now sat on a chair at a table, Dean had given him a fiction novel to read, and there were a couple more piled on the table next to the former demon.

Castiel noted that the only thing keeping Crowley in the chair was a manacle around his ankle, etched with a Devil's Trap, just in case.

"Cas, you're alive?" Crowley said as he glanced up, Castiel noted that he wasn't very clean, despite looking like he'd washed in a bowl of water that was nearby. Which Dean picked up to take with them.

"I am, yes."

"I'm glad to see it," Crowley's accent seemed to drawl still, even though he seemed human, "I'm sorry. For everything." Cas narrowed his eyes but nodded as Dean placed the sandwich down on the table.

Crowley ate fast and smiled as Dean removed the plate, thanking him as 'it was delicious' and watching as they left and shut the bookcase up tightly.

"I don't trust him," Cas murmured as they walked away.

"You and me both, that's why he's still chained up and not free. I'm pretty sure as Sam gets better his demon mojo will just keep flowing back, it's gotta go somewhere, right?"

"Perhaps..." Castiel breathed. They took a few more steps before Cas stopped, "Dean, do you, do you trust me?"

Dean stopped and turned to him with a surprised look on his face, "of course I do, Cas, what brought that on?"

"Nothing, sorry, I just... I don't know what that was. Ignore it."

Castiel walked away and Dean watched him go. He did trust Cas, he just didn't trust the future he'd seen to not come true even though most of it didn't fit any more. Still, Cas was human and when that happened before...

Dean's heart had shot through the floor when he saw Cas drinking that second night. The first one, maybe okay that was fine, the dude was cold and he kinda maybe did it by accident; but the second night?

He just didn't think he could cope if Castiel went off the deep end and turned into the stoner from the alternate future he'd seen.

* * *

Dean knew he wasn't being as subtle as he maybe should have been, but he hoped Cas was oblivious enough to not realise that his actions were out of the ordinary. Like moving the alcohol into a different place so it would have to be searched for, or taking all the pills out of the medical kits and putting them into a separate box in one of the storage rooms.

Y'know, just to be on the safe side.

It was driving Castiel mad.

Every sidelong glance, and every 'accidental' meeting in the middle of the night when Cas couldn't sleep was. Driving. Him. Mad. He got that Dean was worried, and he could completely understand why, but he just thought Dean was being a bit overly cautious.

Especially when Kevin asked him if he knew where the aspirin were for a headache and Cas confusedly answered they would be in one of the first aid kits littered about, and Kevin revealed that he'd checked five and none of them had any in.

When he asked Dean, Dean replied with a 'I'll get some' then disappeared for about ten minutes, and gave Kevin a couple of aspirin saying he'd had some in his room. Cas was loathe to disbelieve him, but at the same time...

He needed to talk to Dean. But the hunter had effectively become a ghost again. Every time Cas went looking for him Dean seemed to never be where he usually was. Though that lead Cas into a confusing state of wondering if where Dean 'usually was' could be classed as where he 'usually was' if he usually WASN'T there; he had to take a few minutes to groan into his pillow while he tried to make sense of that one.

He thought back to that afternoon, when he'd gone down to see Crowley with Dean. Dean seemed on edge, more so than usual, and he kept glancing at Cas even though he tried to make it so Castiel, and Crowley presumably, didn't notice.

Cas just wanted to know what was going on. But in order to do so he needed to find Dean, even if it meant cornering him again just to figure out what the hunter was doing or worried about.

Like Sam said, he's always worried about something.

* * *

Cas hovered outside of Dean's room, he'd walked past three times already, and unless Dean was being extra sneaky, he was in there. Music was playing at a low volume, and Cas couldn't find him elsewhere in the bunker, he had to be in his room.

He raised his hand, paused, and walked a couple of steps down the corridor, then set his shoulders and returned to the door, he knocked sharply three times, and waited.

There was no sound or movement beyond the door.

Castiel frowned, he tilted his head as he listened for any sign of life and knocked again, slightly harder and he heard the echoes die down the corridor. Still nothing.

Taking a deep breath, Cas reached for the door handle, _'just to make sure_,_'_ Cas thought, _'he might be asleep and this way I can wake him up and talk to him.'_ He turned the handle and held his breath slightly as he peered around the door. The room was empty.

Castiel's frown deepened and he made to move inside Dean's room, before a hand clapped him on his shoulder and made him jump. He won't admit to the yelp that snuck out of his mouth though.

"Hey Cas, lookin' for me?" Dean grinned as Cas tried to get his heart rate back to normal.

"Yes, actually I am," Cas half snapped, making Dean's grin falter, "sorry, I do not like being crept up on," Dean waved away the apology and reached around to push his bedroom door open, then signalled for Cas to go in ahead of him.

"What can I help you with?" Dean asked as he flopped onto the edge of his bed.

Castiel slowly approached the chair by Dean's desk and sat down as he thought his words through, "you've been... Not quite yourself recently, Dean, and we've all noticed it." Cas paused and glanced at Dean, before going back to staring at the space between his own slippered feet, "I just, want to know that everything is alright. You look tired, and move sluggishly sometimes, and I just... I'm concerned." Cas glanced at Dean again who was staring at his door with a frown, "Dean?"

Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, "I don't know man. Too much shit is going on for me to sleep right I guess. Sammy being hurt from whatever those trials did to him, I don't even know whether he's getting better or not. Sometimes he shouts for help and sometimes he almost looks like he did before he started these things, but what he said in the church..."

"What did he say?"

"When I told him that if he finished the trials he'd die, He just replied with 'so?'. Like, he didn't even want to live. How badly must they have messed him up if that's how he felt?" Cas stayed quiet, barely daring to breathe as Dean took a shuddery breath, "then there's Kevin, Crowley killed his mom and I almost feel like I've got the poor kid on lock-down in here instead of letting him go out and grieve, but I can't let him out of my sight in case one of the douchebag angels, or Metatron himself, gets him 'cos I just don't want to think about what they'll do to him." Dean took another breath as if he was about to say more, but shrugged and let the breath escape his lips in a sigh.

Cas played with the hem of his shirt and glanced down at the floor, "is that everything that's bothering you? Because I feel like there's something else."

Dean huffed a laugh, "you're not supposed to be able to get into my head now your mojo's not about man, that's just not fair," Cas gave the hunter a small smile but waited patiently, "you already know what's up though, come on, you're smart, what do you think is bugging me?" Dean's voice took on an edge of defensiveness as he bowed his head and Cas' shoulders bunched protectively on instinct.

"Future me?" Dean nodded, Cas let out a bitter laugh, "oh come on Dean, I've broken and ruined everything else, why would I do that to my body too? I actually need this thing in one piece now," Cas finished by poking at his own thigh.

Dean watched the movement through his eyelashes and his head jerked up when Cas stood up to leave, "that it?"

"Well I know what's going on, and I've given you my reassurance that I won't continue drinking or try taking anything to numb the pain and hatred of what I managed to achieve by doing what I did, all I can ask you to do is believe me when I say I'm not going to turn out like the 'me' you saw. You have to believe me when I say we'll find out what's happened to Sam and how to heal him; what's going on with Crowley and the angels; and everything else that's happened recently. There's nothing else I can really do." Cas gave Dean an apologetic smile and left his room, shutting the door behind him and hoping that was the end of Dean worrying about him.

* * *

"It's driving me mad, Sam!" Cas raved for the third time in the space of ten minutes, "I spoke to him two days ago, explaining that we'd figure everything out; I've promised him that I won't drink any more even to help me sleep, though he's being rather hypocritical by being pissed off about that; and I've tried to assure him that there's no way that we're not going to find out a way to fix all of this, heal you, give Kevin his time to grieve and sort out what's going on with Crowley but he's still watching me as if I might explode!"

Sam glanced around and was glad to see that Kevin wasn't about to hear Castiel mention Crowley, and that Cas had the good sense to lower his voice when talking about him, if only slightly. He sighed and ran his hands over his face then through his hair, gathering his thoughts.

"You know he's just like that, right? That's how Dean copes with stuff, by looking out for people as much as he can and trying to avoid anything that might make the situation worse. It might not be the healthiest way of doing it, but it works for him and he'll get over it eventually."

"I DO know that, yes, but it doesn't stop it from driving me insane. Whenever I see him watching me out of the corner of my eye it makes me want to punch him, Sam. I feel like he just doesn't trust me." Castiel's shoulders sagged on the last sentence and he wrung his hands together.

Sam sighed and got unsteadily to his feet before falling back to his chair, Cas rushed forward but Sam waved him away, gathered his legs underneath him so he could stand properly then put his hands on Cas's shoulders. Both for balance and for comfort, though he tried to not show the former.

"Cas, listen to me, Dean trusts you more than he trusts most of us in here. We're all family and there's no one that Dean trusts more. He's pissed at me for what I said in the church, and he's pissed at himself for not being able to save Kevin's mom, he's pissed at the angels and Metatron for casing so much havoc, and he's pissed off that he didn't find you sooner even if it was only a few days. It's not that he doesn't trust you, it's that he doesn't trust what evidence he has to say that you're not gonna go off the rails."

"Because I drunk two nights to help me sleep he thinks I'm just going to descend into what he saw in the future?" Sam nodded and sighed, clapping Castiel's shoulder gently.

"It's nothing against you, he just gets stuck on an idea then runs with it till he realises he's being an idiot. Give him another week and it'll all blow over when you've proved that you're not gonna relapse and drink or take any pills to try them out. Just, give him a few days to realise that and it'll be fine."

Cas began to argue but Sam swayed on the spot, Castiel quickly put an arm under Sam's shoulders and the taller man leant on him with a small smile, "sorry man, just... Not quite there yet."

"I think you're further away than 'not quite there', Sam." Cas frowned as he escorted Sam back to his bed, "do you want anything to eat?"

"Get Dean to cook me up some of dad's soup, he'll know what I mean," Sam said groggily as he sunk into the pillows and fell asleep, snoring slightly.

Castiel tried to pass along Sam's message, but once again couldn't find Dean so opted for leaving him a note on his desk then wandering through the archives to see if he could find something that would break the rut of dead-ends they'd all hit.

As he turned the corner nearing where Crowley was he heard the ex-demon mumbling to himself, loud enough to come through the bookcase but not loud enough to hear what was being said.

Creeping closer, Castiel tried to make out whether Crowley was talking to someone or whether he was just mumbling to give himself something other than books to take his mind off things, but no matter how he strained his ears Cas couldn't hear any words come out of the small, hidden space.

With a sigh, Cas pulled open the bookcases and the mumbling instantly stopped, "what are you doing, Crowley?"

"Talking to myself since there's no other intelligent conversation to be had around here," Crowley quipped.

Castiel glanced around and saw the pile of books to Crowley's right had all been read, "do you want more books?"

"Oh please, I'm sick of reading. I just want to get out of here and try and atone for my sins," Crowley replied, his tone of voice and smile making Castiel frown.

"Well I doubt that is going to happen, and I can tell you now that if you don't stop mumbling to yourself then we will gag you to keep our own sanity from fraying." Castiel exited the room without giving Crowley chance to respond and pulled the bookcases tightly shut, hoping that his comment would not go unheeded.

As he picked up the books he was looking for and left the storage space he resolved to warn Dean about keeping Kevin away from the dungeon room. The last thing they needed was Kevin talking to Crowley who seemed to be getting back to being his old, slimy, sneaky self.

Castiel wasn't sure whether this was reassuring or not.

* * *

After spending the next few hours cooped in his room and listening for Dean entering his, Castiel was ready to run through the bunker screaming his name just to try and find him.

Thankfully just as that thought crossed his mind he heard Dean's door open and dove for his own door, managing to shove Dean's open before the hunter had chance to lock it.

Dean jumped back in surprise and raised his hands in mock surrender, "you got me, chief, what am I charged with?" his grin faltered as he saw the frown on Castiel's face.

"Crowley's been mumbling to himself, loud enough to hear him through the book case but not loud enough to tell what was being said. I warned him to keep quiet or we'd gag him, but I thought you'd like to know." Dean nodded his thanks and frowned, he'd lowered his hands and perched on the edge of his bed while Cas was talking and folded his arms across his chest.

"Thanks, Cas, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't as urgent as it seemed."

"I also wanted to tell you AGAIN to quit acting like I'm going to 'go off the rails' and start taking random substances to be able to function or whatever it is you think I'm going to do. I'm sick of you making me feel like I'm going to get addicted if you so much as leave one aspirin on the counter."

"What do you want me to do, Cas?" Dean half shouted, then lowered his voice, "I saw you, stoned out of your mind on a million different pills and bottles of alcohol, rolling around bumping crotches with as many people as you could tempt into your bed at once. All because you lost your mojo. I can't let you get to that state man. That's the last thing I need." Dean stood up and started pacing slightly around his room.

"Dean how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going to let myself get to that state?"

"It doesn't matter!" Dean rounded on Castiel and jabbed his finger at him, "it was something that happened, that I saw, and that gives me nightmares even now. What am I supposed to do?!"

Castiel knocked Dean's hand away from jabbing at the air in front of him and grabbed Dean by the shoulders, shaking him gently, "you're supposed to give me the benefit of the doubt! You said we were family, you said you needed me," Cas spun them around and pinned Dean against the wall, making Dean huff out the breath that was in his lungs as he collided with the plaster, "down in that crypt when we found the word of God you told me you knew it wasn't me, and that you needed me. Dean that was what broke the connection of the control that Naomi had over me. As soon as you said that I was able to fight back against her demands to kill you and stop. Because you knew me better than she did and you knew that I wouldn't hurt you without being forced to and brainwashed before hand."

Castiel had shoved himself so close to Dean to make him listen that almost all of their bodies were touching, Cas' chest heaving with the force of the rant and with how annoyed he was, Dean's eyes narrowed as Cas bowed his head slightly after finishing and waited a couple of seconds before responding.

"So why not say that before?"

"Because I didn't realise before," Cas' head shot up and he moved it closer to Dean's face as he glared, "I realised something had happened but it wasn't until I left with the tablet that I realised what it was that must have broken the connection."

"Well why wait till now to tell me?" Dean exploded, "it's been months, Cas, why not-"

"For crying out loud," Cas shoved his mouth onto Dean's to shut him up, "I broke the connection for you, for no one else but you because I couldn't bear to kill you. You know me better than anyone ever bothered to try to and yet you're still too stupid enough to realise that everything I have done is. For. You. And..."

Castiel stopped and his eyes went wide, he stepped back babbling about being sorry and crossing the line, Dean just stood where he'd been pushed against the wall in stunned silence, Cas grabbed at his hair and put a hand over his mouth before moving to the door and leaving, leaving the door open behind him.

Dean heard Cas' door slam and lock, and heard a thump a few seconds later that sounded like Cas had dropped his head against the wall. Then silence.

Dean felt himself shaking slightly and gulped, he moved a hand to his face and brushed his fingers across his lips, trying to make sense of what had just happened and ignoring the voice in his head, which sounded suspiciously like Sam, that was saying 'I told you so!'.

He moved to the door and closed it quietly, locking it then placing his forehead against the cool wood in an effort to calm his mind, and heart, and figure out what brought that on.

Well, he knew what brought it on, he'd been a bit of a dick, but still... Cas just...

Dean almost debated breaking out the alcohol he'd hidden to try and deal with the past few minutes.

* * *

Castiel peered out of his room, he'd hardly opened the door to scan the corridor and make sure that no one was about. It was the middle of the night, but even so, he didn't want to be caught.

He hefted a backpack onto his shoulder and crept down the corridor, shutting his door and glancing at the note he'd left on his desk, he felt rather stupid leaving it, and there were about ten versions of it in his pocket that he'd throw away or burn when he got out of the bunker, but he felt like he needed to leave it so Dean wouldn't worry.

Cas flushed slightly in embarrassment when he thought about Dean, he still couldn't believe he'd just kissed him. If someone had told him that would happen, he'd have laughed even when he had his grace.

He shook away the thought, but it left a sour taste in his mouth.

As he crept down the corridor he paused every few steps to listen, but the bunker was silent. Aside from the slow breaths he kept taking to keep himself calm, there was no stirring in any part of the bunker he could hear or see.

The front door to the bunker closed behind Cas with a soft click, he flinched at the sound but set his shoulders and started to walk away.

* * *

"'I feel like it would be better if I wasn't here.' What the hell does he mean by that?!" Dean nearly shouted, Sam flinched as Kevin cowered in the doorway, debating on whether to run to his room or not.

"Dean, relax, he's probably worried about what might happen if any angels tracked him here..."

"To hell with that Sam! He's safer here than he is anywhere else!" Dean swiped at his phone screen angrily, and held the device to his ear for the fifth time that morning. Castiel's answer phone picked up after the third ring and Dean put the phone down with a curse.

"Fuck's sake, Cas! Pick up!" Dean tried again, and only resisted throwing his phone across the room when it went to answer phone again with the thought of how long it would take to get into town and get a new one. What if Cas actually called back in that time?

"Dean," Sam said quietly, "why not leave him a message and ask him to call you back when he's somewhere safe? He might be in a crowded place so can't talk right now."

"Or he could have already been grabbed by something. Christ, Sam, why didn't I think about putting the GPS number from his phone into mine?!" Dean bowed his head and scrubbed his hand over his face.

Sam glanced at Kevin who pulled a sympathetic face before Dean looked back up, "Dean, Castiel is a soldier," the Prophet ventured, "I'm sure he'll be okay."

"The guy is HUMAN right now, anything could get him and overpower him no matter how good he is at fighting."

"Dean, calm down," Sam held up a hand to stop the outburst he knew would follow, "seriously we get it, we're all worried but we're trying to not panic right now. Panicking won't help anything and you need to just wait a moment, take a deep breath, and give Cas the chance to ring back when he's somewhere he can talk."

Dean cursed and slammed his hands on the table before stalking out of the map room and down the corridor to his bedroom. He slammed the door and clenched his hands while staring at the floor.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it. Once more he swiped the screen to call Cas and held the phone to his ear, clenching his jaw when the answer phone picked up again.

"Cas..." Dean licked his lips, "Cas please man, pick up. Don't leave me hanging."

He stopped the call before his voice cracked and stared at the screen, thumb hovering over the call button again before he sighed and swiped across it, " Cas," he said straight after the tone, "please come back. I've got used to you being around. Don't make me beg man." Again he hit the button to end the call and moved to sit down on the edge of his bed.

He rested his chin in his hand and tapped his phone on his knee, trying to be patient and almost growling when he realised it had only been two minutes since the second message.

Dean threw his phone behind him, listening to is bounce on the bed and hoping that this action would make Cas call back.

It didn't.

Dean didn't want to carry his phone around with him, because he knew that all he'd want to do is call Cas every other minute, but he also knew that he couldn't leave it behind in case Cas called him back... He groaned and flopped back onto his bed, the offending object digging into his shoulder slightly even with the memory foam giving way to his body heat.

_'One more...' _Dean thought, _'one more message then I stop.'_

He swiped the phone to call and took a deep breath, "Cas, please, please come back. Seriously I'm not joking, I need you around, I can't take you leaving again. Please come back."

* * *

"Any word from Cas?" Dean grunted in response to Sam's query, and Sam sighed as he poured over the maps of the surrounding area, "there's plenty of places for him to hide, and he's got the common sense to have taken some sort of warding thing with him. Hell I bet he's stitched it into his shirt." This comment brought a small smile from Kevin, but nothing but a sigh from Dean, who'd spent the last hour staring towards the door without making it look like he was doing so.

"Dean, relax, he'll call."

"It's been hours, Sammy, I'm not even sure if the guy's alive or dead and the only thing we have to go on is how far he could've got within a certain amount of time, which we don't even know is the RIGHT amount of time. We don't know which way he went or if he's got stuff to protect him or anything." Dean spun his head around to glare at his brother, "the guy could be in a ditch, but you refuse to let me go and look for him because you're 'sure he's fine'. WHAT IF HE ISN'T?!"

Kevin blinked at Dean and glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eye, Sam shook his shoulders out and sighed, "look, Dean, I..."

"Forget it. Just forget all of that. Whatever." Dean jumped up and stomped out of the room, he dithered in the corridor for a few seconds before heading off towards the dungeons to check on Crowley.

The bookcase came open without a sound and the ex-demon was sat at his table looking amused by Dean's sudden entrance, "what's the matter, squirrel?"

"If all you're gonna be is a douche then I'm gonna just leave right now." Crowley shrugged and sat back, folding his hands over his stomach, "I came to check if you needed food or anything, and I swear I'll just leave if you start getting snarky."

"Well, well, the angel, or should I say ex-angel, disappearing has got your knickers in a twist, hasn't it? I'm fine, thanks for asking, though do let me know when dear old Cas comes back. Or is found." Crowley put a smile on his face that made Dean shiver and clench his fists, to stop himself from hitting the look off Crowley's face Dean closed the doors and walked away.

* * *

"Cas, please, come home. Let me trust you man. I want to trust you but if you don't get in touch with me soon I'm not gonna be able to. You said you wouldn't leave and now you have, if you come back it'll be fine, honestly, but just... Don't stay gone."

"Dean we only found out yesterday, he's probably putting some distance between..."

"I said I didn't wanna talk about it! If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, then screw him."

Dean stormed off towards his room with a sandwich and a glass of water, nearly barging through Kevin as he left the main room.

"Is Dean okay?"

Sam shook his head, "I don't think he will be unless Cas comes back."

"Do you have any clue where he might have gone?"

"No, and I've left the guy about 3 voice mails asking him to get in touch 'cos Dean's going mad. As well as to explain himself but that's kinda a given."

Kevin nodded, "I just, I didn't know how much Dean panics when someone he cares for goes missing."

Sam let out a soft laugh, "oh dude, you don't know the half of it. One time he had a girlfriend while we were on a hunt, and she just didn't show to their date, Dean went psycho. Turns out the lass had been cheating on him and just fucked up her days, but Dean was scouring the town, all the CCTV he could get his hands on, everything."

Kevin whistled and glanced towards the direction Dean retreated in, he opened his mouth then shut it and began to walk away with a shake of his head.

"Dude, what?" Sam asked, standing slowly and steadying himself on the table.

Kevin moved as if to help Sam but the taller man waved him away, "I don't know, Sam, I just... I get the feeling that if Cas doesn't come back or IS hurt... I don't wanna think about what Dean'll do."

"Hunt down the son of a bitch that did it first. After that? Man I'm not sure either." Sam gave Kevin a tight smile and clapped him on the shoulder as he stumbled towards his own room.

* * *

"Cas, it still stands man, I mean it, if you come back I won't even be mad, hell I wanna know why and you've got us all worried sick, but Cas, just come home. Please. It's not the same without you here. I'll leave the door unlocked for you."

* * *

Dean slammed his head into his pillows and gritted his teeth. It's been nearly two days. It will have been tomorrow morning. And all they've done is scour maps and guess as where he might be going. He could be going anywhere in any way of getting there and they'd never know.

The guy's smart, he could be zigzagging across the country and doing anything to get the brothers to not follow him. Or not find him if they try to.

That's Sam's reasoning, at least. Dean would much rather spiral out from the bunker to try and find Castiel and drag him back if he had to.

He wouldn't think about the other option.

Just what the hell had Cas been thinking. Dean didn't even know what he meant by that. He was just stuck on how Cas had pinned him to the wall and kissed him, then vamoosed afterwards.

No.

He needs to stop thinking about that, there was nothing to it. Surely? There couldn't be.

Dean unfolded the note under his pillow and read through it again.

_"Dean, I'm sorry, I just feel like it would be better if I wasn't here._

_There are a lot of things you need to concentrate on and babying me isn't one of them._

_I'm sorry for... Last night, as well. I shouldn't have done that. I got carried away._

_I'll get in touch when I can, don't worry about me._

_Cas__tiel__"_

Why does Sam have to be right?

* * *

Dean snook into the kitchen and rubbed at his eyes. He'd got up early, determined to jump in the Impala and find Cas. He'd ring Sam later. He just didn't want his brother stopping him.

A sound from the main room made him stop, he slipped further around the counter to be able to see through the doorway and froze.

Cas.

Unless he was dreaming and this wasn't real, a few pinches later and he was convinced. With possibly a couple of bruises to show for it. Dean strode around the counter, calling Castiel's name as he did, the smaller man jumped slightly and stood up, turning to face Dean with a bashful smile.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean laughed and collided with him, pressing his lips to Castiel's briefly before tugging him into a bear hug. Cas froze for a second before hugging him back and sighing. The two pulled apart and stared at each other for a few moments, before Dean coughed and clapped his hand onto Cas' shoulder.

"Welcome back," he smiled at Cas and moved back into the kitchen, fixing them both food.

Sam stumbled in an hour later, saw Cas sat opposite Dean and making notes from another book then sagged against the door frame, "hey, Cas. Glad you're back," Dean jumped up as Sam swayed but the younger brother waved him away, "I'm fine, Dean, I'm just... I'm gonna go back to bed. I only got up to say we should go look for Cas, but he's back, so it's okay."

"I'm sorry for worrying you," Castiel mumbled and Sam waved it away with a smile before going back to bed.


	9. Tannia 5

March 30th 2011

Been a quiet month and a half. It's weird, after the year of the apocalypse and everything going apeshit getting back to regular hunting without a load of reports/ sightings/ jobs has been kinda... Well... Boring.

Not that I want a load of Demons and Creatures about trying to rip everything to shreds, but, y'know. It's weird going back to a semi-normal and quiet life of the odd haunting here and there after all that fuss.

The main reason why I'm mentioning this is that it's all kicked off again over in America, Balthy has been missing for a while and he came back with some... Interesting stories.

Apparently, Dragons are real but not like the tales we get told, can only be killed by a blade forged in the blood of a Dragon, and Purgatory is a place were monsters go when they die.

I really hope Witches aren't included in the 'monsters' category or I'm goina have a fun afterlife...

But yeah, he came back to warn us there are a few new things being added to the monster arsenal. Named by one of the Winchesters so they're not exactly... Conventional names. We have 'Khan Worms' and 'Jefferson Starships'. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

The problem is that the Khan Worms basically look like slugs. So a few Hunters have gone a bit... Extreme and started just killing any slugs they see. Which I suppose is kinda good but at the same time it's a lot of effort for something that isn't actually harmful.

The Jefferson Starships, however, are more fun. 'Cus they have a human shape but have bits of a lot of monsters mashed together. Which apparently gets interesting. Balthy showed me some pictures of some that had been found and examined, it's fucking weird dude.

And it's been going on since the start of Feb, so I don't know why we've not heard of this yet...

* * *

April 16th 2011

We have Jefferson Starships.

I repeat, we have Jefferson Starships.

We've not really seen the Khan Worms, but I think that's due to the over-the-top reaction of killing all slugs on sight. Which now I think isn't actually that bad an idea since the KW possess people by slithering into their ear and controlling their brain. Which y'know, is a really nice idea.

But the Starships, jesus they're weird. And range in how easy they are to kill, it's frustrating 'cus when you get a thing with a combination of various nasties you don't know if they've got all the weaknesses of each thing or none of them. We had a thing that was part Werewolf that was impervious to silver and lets just say that was a bit messy.

We settled for decapitating then burning, 'cus that seems to work well on anything.

We've found out now we've got a few contacts across the pond properly set up (thanks to Sammi and Balthy, though now Sammi knows Balthy is alive but promised to keep it a secret) and we've got an almost steady communication going with a guy called Bobby Singer. He's a grumpy old git but he's similar to my uncle, so I think he's great.

I can't tell if he thinks the same of me or not but he seems to answer me easier than he does anyone else, so I'm taking that as a sign that I'm liked. Which is nice.

He also pretty much runs the Hunter network in America single-handed. Poor sod. It's a mess. Though no one's revealed how ours works to him, which I think is a bit unfair and I've been ordered not to. I really get sick of rules sometimes.

* * *

April 30th 2011

And Eve is dead.

You read that right, Eve. As in Adam and Eve. Bible. Remember who I mean?

Yeah, when she got kicked out of Eden for eating the apple, she was sentenced to forever live in purgatory for her sins, and she's the mother of all monsters. Great how sometimes you get rather needed details left out of 'official texts' ain't it?

It was those Winchesters that got her, seriously those two seem pretty damn good. Apparently the older one (Dean) took a shot of whisky with Phoenix ash (yeah, apparently Phoenix's were a thing, though one's not been seen for ages so Idk how he got the ash...) and made Eve bite him, clever, but fucking stupid.

There's another Angel in the mix, too. This guy's called Castiel, and he works with the brothers sometimes due to a 'level of mutual respect' according to Balthy.

Sometimes I really wonder what the hell goes on in America, and why it surrounds those two. I get the whole Apocalypse thing with them being descended from the original true vessels of Michael and Lucifer, but those two have some rotten luck.

May 5th 2011

This whole lifestyle is a series of stops and starts. First the apocalypse, then nothing, then Eve rises, then nothing. It used to be so smooth and evenly distributed but now there's massive gaps where nothing's happening.

So I've been roped into training on a more permanent basis... Its not as bad as it sounds really.

See, we have this hierarchy thing going on, which means that everyone has specific jobs and stuff and you can 'graduate' to another level. Like how my mum got attacked and lost too much blood to continue Hunting without seriously damaging her health even after she recovered (her body couldn't be put through as much strain due to the injuries she got) so now her and my dad are two of the main researchers we have. It's a claim to fame I guess.

I've mentioned previously that we've got Hunters everywhere, and that's completely true. Though I'm not ~entirely~ sure that there's any in the government... But I wouldn't be surprised if some of the security lot are Hunters.

Anyways, we have a lot of Hunters who are also teachers. They specialise in mythology and legends, and history as well; you'd be surprised how often that comes into a Hunt. We basically have every bit of information we could ever need at the tips of our fingers.

There are Hunters in the police, too. At least 3 in every branch to ensure that when something squicky goes on someone is on hand to know what it is, and to get one of us in to help since they can't officially do anything within working hours.

It also helps for getting into places that we normally wouldn't be allowed to get into, having people in the police who understand the systems for being allowed into people's property is great. Though waiting for warrants isn't, so sometimes we do do it the old-fashioned way of just kinda... Sneaking in.

We try and make sure that there'sat least 10-15 Hunters in each town or city, though that number can be upwards of 30 if it's a larger city. I don't wanna think about how much organising and transferring goes into that 'cus it makes my head hurt with how they'd have to balance people who are better at getting rid of one monster or another with each location.

Since England is pretty easy to traverse, there are very few creatures that stay in one spot 'cus moving about makes them less likely to be caught thanks to next to no communication between districts. Though that's lessened a bit with the Hunters in the police, sometimes they just kinda... Forget to register the weird death as something supernatural and chalk it down to a psycho.

Sometimes I do have to wonder how suited people are to this job.

Now, the way Witches come into all this is mostly for the communication thing. We're made a little redundant with the improvement of mobiles and stuff, but even so, we're still a big part of the communication between everyone.

We're also multi-skilled, so we're more easily transferred than most other Hunters. Spells do wonders, even though I don't like using them to kill things. I think it's uncivil and cheating.

There are a lot of us who share that same view, but the ones that don't have louder voices most of the time.

No one really knows how Witches are born, though, so a lot of the time we're poked and prodded as much as the things we're Hunting. The closest we've got to explaining it is that magic is kinda like a recessive gene. Kinda like eye colour and stuff. Though ofc it's not found in everyone, just a few.

So yeah, I'm pretty much a genetic mutation. Call the X-Men!

* * *

May 20 2011

Balthazar is dead. He got killed by another Angel.

A lot of shit is kicking off and Sammandriel had to tell me this today. The guy looked wrecked. Apparently him and Balthy were friends before he went missing, and Sammi was actually really happy he wasn't actually dead. And now he is. Properly. Wing marks and all.

I've gotta stop 'cus I'm crying too much to see straight.

Balthy was one of my best friends, and now he's gone. No more notes, no more 'cookies', no more sarcasm...

No, I need to just stop.

I'm gonna kill whoever it is that killed him. Angel or not they're dead.


	10. Bunker 5

Kevin wandered around the space searching through boxes for books they might have missed, he knew Dean had done this already but he just wanted to be sure. Dean was distracted afterall.

He heard a thump and spun around, heart beating slightly faster and eyes darting around to see as much of the space around him as he could. He edged forward when he heard a muffled groan and cursed himself for not bringing anything with him, who knew what was atually in the bunker. They'd never actually got around to solving what had happened to the other Men of Letters...

A muffled "is anyone there?" in a too- familiar voice drifted from behind a bookcase. Kevin frowned and ran his eyes over them, they met walls at either end and there wasn't anything else on the other side of them... He inched towards the middle of them and reached ot to touch the shelves. They seemed solid enough, but...

Kevin felt around and pulled out a few of the books, he found a handle. Heart thumping more wildly he moved the handle and slowly inched the bookcase out then peeked arund it.

Crowley. Lying on the floor and it looked like he'd moved and kicked the table. He wasn't looking at the bookcase, or anywhere really, his eyes were closed and he looked a little out of it, but that was Crowley.

Kevin closed the bookcase he now knew to be a door and blinked. He shook his head and frowned, taking a step away from the door and gritting his teeth as he shook his head more.

In seconds he was almost flying out of the door and into the main room where he knew at least Dean would be.

A few minutes after he got there Sam and Cas were in the doorway as he screamed at a tight-jawed Dean.

"HE KILLED MY MOM. AND HE'S HERE. HOW COULD YOU BRING HIM HERE?!"

"Kevin-"

"NO!" Kevin rounded on Sam, "I don't care HOW fucked up those trials made you, you've got to see how stupid an idea this was? HE KNOWS ABOUT THE BUNKER."

"It's not like I gave him directions," Dean quipped after Kevin had breathed for a few seconds and leant against a table, "besides, what was I supposed to do? Leave him there for his minions to find him?"

"You could have dumped him somewhere in a box with anti-demon things on!"

"Kevin, we don't even know if he IS a demon any more," Sam took a hesitant step forwards, Cas watching him closely and tensed to jump to catch him if Sam fell, "Dean got him out of the church without having to break the devil's trap, and he's fed him holy water with no reaction, he might be cured."

"Yeah I also thought I'd given him enough sedative to keep him out for a while, mustn't have measured it right," Dean frowned as Kevin rounded on him again.

"He KILLED my MOM Dean!"

"Kevin, bad things cannot get into this place, so I'm sure-"

"Cas stop making excuses, I'm just as pissed at you and Sam for keeping this from me because I trusted you both. Hell I trusted all three of you then you keep THIS from me?" Kevin glared around at them all, Sam and Castiel looked crushed, and even Dean seemed a little guilty, it eased Kevin's anger a little. "Guys, seriously, I can't stay in the same building as him, get rid of him or I leave."

"Kevin, don't be stupid," Dean's eyes widened and he jumped up, "how are we supposed to protect you if you're not here? Last time you were on your own, well..." Dean glanced at Kevin's hand where his finger twitched in memory of being severed, "kid I couldn't sleep knowing you were more than a few seconds away."

Kevin gripped the side of the table, "guys I'm serious, I can't be in the same place as him. After everything he's done to me I can't believe you brought him here."

"That's why we didn't tell you," Sam inched forward, Cas still at his elbow, "we didn't want you to freak out, I know it's not a good excuse but he's been here since Dean brought me back and he's not done anything to you, so... Yeah, I know I'm being a shit for that excuse but maybe he's safe now?"

"That guy can never be safe," Kevin mumbled as he scrubbed a hand over his face. Kevin turned and stormed out of the room, leaving everyone else deflated and resigned to feeling like the worst people on the planet.

Sam made his way to the table as Castiel cautiously followed Kevin, pausing in Kevin's doorway as the Prophet flung clothes into a duffel bag.

"Kevin, please just wait for a moment?" Kevin glared at Cas over his shoulder but sat on his bed facing away from the door and slumped. "We did not mean to keep this from you, we just had no clue how to tell you. But Crowley is in a devil's trap, he's shackled, and Dean keeps him sedated almost permanantly. There is no harm that could come to you from that... Being. No matter what he is. None of us would allow it. You leaving here would make you a target for angels and demons for miles around, and Metatron would want to capture you to make you stop doing whatever that tablet could do to hurt him."

Kevin sighed, "I know, but... Do you really think he's safe in there? Like he won't get out? Can we do anything else to make sure of it?"

Cas shrugged, "we can put more sigils down, Enochian ones, paint some on the inside of the doors so he can't be heard outside of that room, add some more protection symbols to keep him in place, whatever you need us to do to feel okay that he's there."

Kevin nodded and stood up, finally facing Cas across his room, "I'm still not happy about it. But okay. Fine. Just make sure he can't get out. But I want him gone."

Dean had appeared in the doorway, so Kevin directed the last sentence at him.

"Dude if you find something in that damn tablet to cure Sammy in the next week we'll get him out of here faster than you can blink."

Sam made a strangled sound from behind Dean as he shuffled into view as well, Kevin's eyes widened and he ran out of the doorway. Cas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as Sam punched Dean in the arm and muttered about him being an idiot before moving slowly to his own room. Dean looked around and opened his hands in a 'what did I do' gesture to Cas, who just shook his head and walked away, patting Dean on the shoulder as he went.

And Cas was supposed to be the oblivious one.

* * *

Dean glanced up as Kevin wandered into the kitchen, he half flinched as if to hide making one extra sandwich on top of the burgers in the pan, Kevin's tofu one in one of it's own, but then remembered that Kevin knew now so didn't need to hide it. He still looked guilty as he finished throwing things onto the bread.

"Let me come down with you. I need to see that he wont get out." Dean glanced up but nodded and cleared his throat.

"Listen, Kevin-"

"Don't, Dean. I do forgive you, don't get me wrong I'm still pissed, but I understand that you couldn't leave him there in case any of his followers came to his aid and the best place to keep an eye on him is here, but still. I''m pissed off that you didn't just tell me."

Dean nodded and set his jaw as he put the top piece of bread on the sandwich and cut it in half before putting tap water into a glass with a clear liquid already in the bottom.

"Sedative," Castiel murmured when he saw Kevin watching it, Kevin jumped and spun around, seeing Cas hovering in the doorway holding a box, "so he'll not know we're putting more sigils around in the cell." Kevin nodded.

"I'm coming too."

Dean glanced at Castiel, who shrugged and slightly jiggled the box making jars inside it tinkle together, Kevin assumed it was full of the stuff they were going to use to paint the sybols around the demon. Former demon. Whatever.

Kevin followed Dean, getting more and more jittery as they approaced the dungeon, Dean turned to him and raised an eyebrow before he opened the doors, Kevin set his jaw in a mirror of Deans action earlier and nodded. Dean nodded back with a small but tight smile as Cas walked past and carefully put the box down then stood out of the way of the view from the door.

Dean opened the door enough to let him and Kevin inside and glared at Crowley, who was once again sat at the table.

"Kevin! How nice to see you," Crowley drawled, tucking into the sandwich with a satisfied sigh, "I was beginning to think you weren't acually around and these two had lost you. Sam never visits either you know."

Dean narrowed his eyes, "just shut up and eat Crowley, the kid just wanted to know you were stuck in here and couldn't get out."

"Oh definitely!" Crowley groused, moving his leg so the shackles jangled slightly, "well and truly stuck." Kevin followed the chain up to a hook on the wall at about head height. Well... Head height for Sam maybe when he looked at it properly.

"Oh, by the way Kevin. I need to apologise to you." Kevin narrowed his eyes and took a step forward clenching his fists, Crowley held up a hand before he could say anything, "I need to tell you, your mum? She's not dead. Just... Out of the way. I only told you she was dead in the hopes that you'd give up and give me the tablet and all it's secrets." Crowley shrugged as he took a deep drink of the water (and sedative) in the glass.

"You son of-" Dean moved between Crowley and Kevin before Kevin could say anything else and moved the younger man back slightly.

"If you're lying to him," Dean said calmly, holding Crowley's eye, "I will unleash every trick I ever learned in hell on that meatsuit you've hijacked. You'd better consider what your next words are."

"It's true, and I'm sorry. I just thought that if the kid had nothing to live for he wouln't bother trying to save everything that didn't matter. Killing the last of his family seemed like the best plan."

Kevin pushed Dean out of the way, "it's not just blood that's family," he spat out before stalking out of the room. Dean glared at Crowley who just smirked at him while downing the rest of the water.

Dean snatched the offered glass and empty plate away while continuing to glare at the figure in the chair. He walked stiffly out and shut the door, glancing at Cas who was staring after Kevin with a pained expression. He glanced to Dean with a questioning look as Dean shook his head and motioned for Castiel to get the things out of the box so they could get this sorted to put Kevin at rest. At least a little.

As they were painting the sigils onto the back of the bookcase in various oils and mixtures of herbs Kevin wandered back and leaned on the door frame to watch for a few minutes, before walking away again.

Neither Castiel or Dean noticed.

They finished painting the last of the sigils, checked them over for the hundredth time and packed their stuff away, all in silence except for muttered 'thank you's when one handed the other something. Dean felt happier now they'd lapsed into not needing to talk to each other to know things were okay. For now.

The two of them left the box in the room next to the doors in case they needed to add more to make Kevin feel safe and went back to the main room to find Kevin staring at the tablet and leaning his cheeks on his fists.

"You okay, kid?" Dean asked softly.

Kevin sighed, "I want to find my mom. I'm gonna finish decoding this thing for you 'cos I get that you want Sam to be okay, but as soon as it's done I''m out of here. I'm gonna find my mom and hope that she hasn't died from starvation or been tortured or whatever else might have happened."

Dean nodded after a deep breath and left the room with an agreement that that would be the best option. Cas walked over to Kevin and squeezed his shoulder as he'd seen Dean do in comfort to other people, and to him.

"Do you want anything?"

Kevin shook his head, "I just need... Some time. Okay?" Cas nodded and left Kevin to the tablets and notes.

If Kevin couldn't concentrate enough to decode another letter no one needed to know.

* * *

"HEADS UP!" Garth shouted as Dean let him into the bunker, Sam grinned and stood up as Garth swaggered over to him and hugged him tightly, Kevin and Castiel watched from their seats with matching 'what the hell' expressions as Dean hugged Charlie and took her bags off her.

"Uh, Garth, this is Kevin, the Prophet, and Castiel," Sam waved at each of them in turn as he sat back down and Garth wandered over to the two of them, clapping each of them on the shoulder and greeting them with his biggest, goofiest smile.

"Ohmygod, Castiel, you really are dre-" Dean shoved a hand over Charlie's mouth, making her let out a muffled squeak.

"Aaaaaand this is Charlie," Dean grinned as Charlie licked his hand to make him remove it and wiped it on her cheek, earning him another squeal with a laugh following close after.

"Hi guys, nice to meet you!" Charlie bent down and hugged Sam tightly, planting a kiss on the top of his head, with a triumphant "ha! I won't get to do that often!" as Kevin waved and Cas smiled a 'hello'.

After Dean played host and got the two drinks Kevin took over the explanation of what he'd found so far on the tablet before Dean could grab his notes. Dean, Cas and Sam put together what they'd found in the books, and Castiel gave a quick retelling of what had happened to make the angels fall. Charlie looked heartbroken and Garth actually looked worried.

"That's a lot to go on fellas, y'all thought of a direction for the solution?"

Dean glanced at Cas, "yeah, kill that son of a bitch that stole Cas' mojo, get it him back, and sew up the angel's wings. They might be dicks but they don't deserve to be grounded."

Charlie snorted as Garth levelled an attempt at a 'Bobby glare', ruined by the grin on his face, at Dean, "I figured as much, but, like, what do we do? Where do we start?"

"There's got to be something in this place," Charlie chewed on her lip, "I bet there's some spell somewhere that can get Cas his Grace back and fix whatever those trials did to Sam." Charlie frowned, "wait, what happened to Crowley?"

Sam and Dean glanced at each other as Kevin explained to Charlie that he was being held in the dungeon and drugged with sedatives. Charlie freaked out a little, which made Dean aim a careful 'told you so' glare at Kevin, who threw him the birdie making Sam snort and Castiel tilt his head in confusion.

"Look, he's trussed, he isn't going anywhere," Dean put his hands on Charlie's shoulders, "I promise, okay?"

Charlie took a deep breath and nodded, "okay. Now let's stop before we Fault in our Stars everywhere," Dean pretended to be gasping for air, making Charlie laugh as he leant against a table and mimed putting a breathing tube back into his nose.

"I... Don't understand," Cas blinked looking between Dean grinning triumphantly and Charlie giggling.

"Oh angel, you're adorable," Charlie patted his shoulder gently and squeezed it as she pulled a face that Castiel suspected she reserved for overly fluffy kittens, "and severely lacking in film knowledge, we'll fix this when we've fixed everything else even though it's almost more of a disaster than what's going on!"

Dean barked out a laugh as Kevin and Sam sighed and rolled their eyes at each other. Kevin noticed Sam smiling softly as the group got more relaxed around each other and wondered what it was that meant they all found each other. He didn't believe in luck, not any more, but there was something that meant he had a group of friends.

However fucked up the situation that had got them to him.

Castiel and Kevin lead Charlie and Garth down to the dungeon to finish off the tour they'd been put in charge of. Partly because Charlie insisted so she could get to know them and partly because Garth wanted to hear everything that they'd found so far. Conversation topics were interesting.

They reached the bookcase and Cas glanced at Charlie and Kevin, the former of who had gone uncharacteristically quiet, "are you both alright with this?" Kevin gave a stiff nod and Charlie managed to whisper out a "just get it over with" so Castiel opened the door slightly so he could peer in, when Crowley didn't stir from leaning on the table sound asleep he opened the door more.

Not only had him and Dean painted more sigils about in invisible ink they'd added a neck collar style shackle to Crowley to make sure he didn't try to escape. Cas half suspected it was just to torture Crowley and not because he thought he could actually get away, but he couldn't fault Dean even if that was the reason.

Garth gasped in delight and moved closer, spinning around with a look of childlike glee on his face which unnerved the other three stood by the door. Garth even took out his phone and started taking pictures of the dungeon and how Crowley was shackled.

"This is so cool!" He whispered excitedly as Cas all but dragged him out to shut the doors in case they disturbed the sleeping figure, "I'm so gonna recreate this somewhere at some point! Why did I never think of doing this before, Bobby would be so ashamed of me!" Garth paused and the grin slipped from his face for a moment before he gulped and grinned again, "well, probably not he'd just call me an-"

"Idjit," Dean said fondly from the doorway, grinning as Charlie and Kevin jumped, "sorry guys, uh, I made food, anyone hungry?"

"You cook?!" Charlie asked as she followed Dean out of the room.

"Very well, yes," Castiel replied for him, aiming a smile at Deans back as Charlie gave him a soppy look.

Dean didn't blush. Nope. No one saw it so no one can prove it.

* * *

Castiel peered carefully around the corner, and after seeing no one was around he sighed in relief and almost jogged into his room carrying some new books.

Charlie and Garth had been in the bunker two days now and although Cas loved how easy-going Charlie made Dean, she made him laugh and Cas instantly adored her for that, Garth made him... Uncomfortable.

Not in a bad way, he was just... Very physical. He greeted everyone in the morning with a bear hug, he was surprisingly strong for someone who looked like a feather would break him, and he ended the day in the same way.

Castiel had never liked when his cupid brothers did that.

He almost mmanaged to close his door when a head full of red hair popped out from the frame, "there you are!" Cas flinched slightly as Charlie grinned at him, "are you okay?"

"I'm... Alright."

"Is 'alright' special angel code for 'not really alright at all'?"

Castiel frowned, "no, I believe that's English for 'I'm alright'." Charlie blinked and shook her head muttering something about doctors and a blue box which Castiel didn't quite catch, "do you want to come in? I'm just... Organising."

Charlie edged into his room and looked about, "do we get to decorate ours too?" she grinned as Cas smiled and glanced around, following her gaze.

Dean had followed through with his promise to get Castiel something to decorate his room. The angel now had a few swords on the wall, as well as a couple of guns and a few paintings Dean had found of angels and Bible scriptures.

He hadn't gone looking. They'd just been there. He had to just grab them on the way past.

Castiel's smile softened as he ran his eye over one of them and he heard Charlie cough slightly. He glanced at the petite woman and actually got a little worried at the glint in her eyes after listening to him tell her the story behind the Biblical paintings.

"What?"

"Nothing," Charlie sing-songed as she grinned at him, that just served to make Castiel more nervous. "What are you doing in here anyway, or do you just not like crowds? Because if you don't like crowds that's fine, and I'll go." Charlie jerked her thumb over her shoulder and made to leave Cas alone.

"No, I do not mind crowds. I just, feel a little awkward with all the... Hugging."

Charlie snorted, "you and everyone else dude, we just have a bit more practice at hiding it. Then again I don't really mind, I'm more than a bit of a hugger." She winked at Cas who smiled and snorted, "you could tell him it's against angel culture or something, that would probably make him stop."

"I wouldn't want to lie. Plus I wouldn't want him to feel like he violated me."

Charlie hooted out a laugh, "oh man, don't say that that way again, please," Cas tilted his head and blinked in confusion.

"But it is the term."

Charlie shook her head and stepped forward, putting her hands on Castiel's shoulders, "double entendre, dearest, I'm sure you know the meaning?" Cas blinked again and a blush rose slightly on his cheeks, "there we go," Charlie patted his cheek gently and stepped back, "really though, just tell him if it makes you feel weirded out. He's a nice guy, he'll understand."

"He is very nice, just rather... Enthusiastic."

"Anyone I might know?" Garth grinned from around the door frame. Castiel jumped guiltily and started to stammer an apology, Garth laughed, "hey, don't sweat it man, I'd say hug it out but if you don't do hugs, well, you're missing out!" Garth winked and whistled as he wandered off down the corridor.

"Told you!" Charlie winked at Cas as he stared at the doorway.

Castiel glanced at the books he'd smuggled with him and rubbed the back of his neck, "can you give me a hand carrying this lot back to the main room?"

Charlie grinned and agreed to pretend they'd been on a book run, Garth just winked at Cas when she told the others that and Cas shared a small smile with the wiry hunter in thanks.

* * *

Dean blew dust off a book at Charlie, who coughed and wafted her own in his direction to try and fling it back. Dean grinned and laughed at the failure of her actions until she picked up one covered in cobwebs and grinned evilly.

The taller man took a step back with hands up, "oh no, come on, that's not nice," he dodged mostly out of the way as Charlie swiped at him and managed to wipe stringy web down his arm, "ergh, oh that's just cruel." Charlie was too busy laughing to hear him muttering about never being able to get rid of the stuff now.

Charlie recovered after a few minutes and wiped her eyes, the grin never leaving her face, "I think I won that one Dean-o!"

"You did, your majesty, I concede," Dean grinned getting down on one knee and bowing his head.

Charlie drew herself up and regally tapped his shoulders with a clean book, "rise, o great book warrior, you are forgiven."

Dean laughed and stood up as Charlie shoved the books into a box to make them easier to carry out to the main room. Between the two of them they made a good, if rather prank-ridden, pair. Dean was glad Sam had suggested bringing Charlie (and her 'evil tablet thing') into the fray to help them out. He did feel bad that they might have put her in harm's way, but at the same time he was more glad that she was closer to be looked after.

"Soooooo, Castiel. Spill," Charlie said, resting her chin on her fists as Dean reached for books she wasn't able to get to.

Dean spluttered and pulled a book a bit too sharply, spilling dust over himself and nearly getting hit on the head with the havy volume, thank whatever for hunter reflexes.

"What? Spill what? There's nothing to spill." Charlie raised her eyebrows and smirked, Dean sighed, "fuck." Charlie laughed and waved at Dean to hand her the books so she could have a look through them while he got more down.

They descended back into a comfortable silence while Dean pulled the last of the books off the top shelves and the two of them sat down to flip through them.

"I don't know, I think there's something," Charlie said as if they hadn't stopped.

Dean huffed, "alright Xavier, enough with the mind reading," Charlie snorted and Dean grinned, "it's nothing really though. Just... I dunno. Nothing." Charlie sat quietly looking through the book as Dean seemed to chew on his tongue.

With a sigh Dean told Charlie about his trip to the future a few years prior, he also told her about Cas drinking the first couple of nights he was in the bunker. He told her about the brainwashing and how Cas said Naomi had made him kill thousands of 'Deans' before sending him back to Earth, and about how he'd broken out of that in the crypt before disappearing with the tablet. Dean glanced at her as he told her about how Cas pinned him against the wall and kissed him to shut him up, and about how he kissed Cas when he came back to the bunker after running away.

Dean cleared his throat, "so yeah, just a couple of heat of the moment kisses, nothing." Dean shrugged and flipped through his book absent-mindedly.

"You forget I've read your books. All of them. I knew about that trip to the future. And they might stop just after Lucifer got locked back in his cage, but I got the perspective and thoughts of both of you." Dean glanced at her, Charlie narrowed her eyes in disbelief, "how do you not know Cas is completely in love with you?

Dean spluttered and flailed an arm about a little, "no, Charlie don't... He can't be. He's indifferent to... Sexual whatever it is. Cas doesn't feel like that."

"He's _human_ now Dean, besides he still felt it when he was an angel, believe me. No one does what he's done for you without that being there."

"If I wasn't 'The Righteous Man' it would have been someone else Cas did that for, that's his conditioning." Dean shook his head, "don't tell me, you've been talking to Sam?"

"Sam knows too?!" Charlie almost squealed in joy and Dean dove across the 'circle' they'd formed and clapped his hand over her mouth again.

"Keep it down would you, I don't want Cas getting weirded out that you think he likes me."

Charlie shoved his hand away, "not 'likes', Dean, 'is completely gaga for' is more accurate. But if you wanna continue being a scruffy nerf-hearder then go ahead."

"Hey, who's scruffy?!" Dean grinned as Charlie laughed, he hoped that was the end of it as she stopped talking about it. Till they picked up their boxes of books.

"I know you love him too, y'know, it wasnt just Cas' head the books looked inside, you just need to man up," she said with a knowing grin as she left Dean staring after her and gaping slightly.


	11. Tannia 6

June 25th 2011

Not any closer to finding out who or what killed Balthy, but I've had to curb my search for a bit anyway since I can't just jet over to America.

It's been over a month and I still wanna hit people when they ask me how I am because of it. Like seriously, how do they really think I am?

They all think it was a romantic thing too, which I think is what makes me want to hit him. The guy was like a brother to me, and none of them cared about my exes, they just asked what state I'd left them in and whether they'd be seeing them still walking around and alive or not.

Each person asked me once; but now it's every time they see me. I guess losing a best friend is worse than losing a 'lover' (I don't really like that description, but it's the easiest one to use) in a way, 'cus lovers come and go anyway, but best friends are supposed to stick around forever.

Though not many of those do either.

I dunno, I guess I'm not really okay with it no matter how much I say I'm fine.

* * *

August 30th 2011

The last couple of months have been hectic jesus fucking christ. I decided to just stop trying to search for who killed Balthy for now until I can save up enough to get sent to America.

Enough about that though, the last couple of months, yeah.

We had a sudden resurgence of a load of Lucifer followers, not sure why but there they were. Maybe they hadn't got the memo that their dear old dad had been locked up again. Who knows.

Took care of them, but it took about a month to flush them all out properly.

Then last month there was a series of freak breakdowns and accidents in cars around where my uncle's garage is. Turns out an old flame of his got into voodoo, and she cursed him for not giving her the attention she felt she deserved from him.

She'd been gone for about twenty-five years, so obviously in that time my uncle has had kids and they've all grown and moved out etc. But she thought that there was some sort of connection between the two of them, even though he never actually liked her back, and only took her to a dance one year as a friend. Which is where he met my aunt! Which yeah she was pissed about.

So we found a hex bag in my uncles desk, then another under his mattress, then a third in one of the cars in his garage, and another in the locker room... We ended up finding about twenty of the damn things.

TWENTY.

This lass really didn't want to have anything good happen to my uncle. Once we got rid of the bags things got back to normal for a bit, till she showed up screaming nonsense after hours. The only way to get her to shut up was for me to cast a silencing spell but she just kept mouthing whatever she was saying, she actually went purple with the effort of trying to say things!

It would have been hilarious if not for the fact it was rather terrifying.

One of the interns doing his work experience had come back to the garage 'cus he forgot his sheet that he has to fill in each day to say what happened, so that distracted her enough (considering she turned and started moving toward him taking a knife out of her pocket!) for me to tackle her to the ground and my uncle to tie her up and gag her.

The poor kid's face. We had to keep him there till we managed to get in touch with one of the security lot (obviously a Hunter) before we could tell the kid that this woman was a crazy ex of my uncles. We debated telling him the truth, the kid was smart and we didn't want him to find out on his own then go spouting about it, but I just think the poor lad was too traumatised to bother.

So yeah, just another day in the life of!

* * *

October 25th 2011

Work is a weird thing. I mean, it's not so bad here 'cus me and my uncle take it in turns working and hunting week in week out, but work is weird.

Through uni I had a couple of part time jobs, I used to clean in an office building of an evening (which made it great for scoping things out on a night 'cus I had a reason to be out late) and I worked in a bar for a bit.

The bar was a lot more fun than the cleaning, of course. There was a karaoke night once a week, and after getting caught singing along to a couple of songs while serving people the regulars made me get up and sing sometimes.

I didn't mind it really, it gave me a break in the relentless orders and serving of various drinks.

Working in the garage is a lot better though, 'cus there's so many different people. Sure we get our regulars too, but it's not a load of drunken rambling idiots (even if they were entertaining) who just want to get more drunk then ask you to call them taxis to get home in.

Plus, y'know, I like working on cars. Though most of the time I man the accounts and stuff 'cus me and my uncle pretty much run the entire place on our own, there's three other lads here (not including the work ex kids who come along for one or two weeks every now and again) who mostly work the cars. But sometimes they need someone with a slimmer hand to reach into smaller places.

Or sometimes one calls in sick so I get to go out and play with the engines. Which is always fun.

It annoys my uncle when people call in sick, 'cus then neither of us can go and hunt if something needs hunting. See, family never hunts together over here (except for the occasional standard salt n' burn, bonding time and all that!) 'cus it's too much of a conflict of interest.

Sure you want the person you're working with to lookout for you, but you don't want them completely traumatised at your death. Which is why a lot of the time we don't work with the same people all the time, too many complications and chances for resentments to brew if something goes wrong somewhere.

Me and my sister hunt quite regularly, and apparently before my mum got attacked her and my dad did as well. I don't even know if it's just a thing that's continued because it's kinda tradition now, 'cus families hunting together is kinda fun!

A lot of our side of the pond hunting is overly diplomatic. Sometimes I really want to go and experience it from America's point of view 'cus it's not even regulated over there. At all.

Then again they also don't have our structure... It's a lot more backhanded for those guys to get in anywhere.

But it also sounds more fun.

* * *

November 10th 2011

It's been really quiet recently. Which is kinda nice, I've got a bit more used to it not being as hectic 24/7 now, so watch something mad happens to completely screw that up soon!

Went on a White Woman Hunt last night, weird thing was, it was a double sighting. And you'll never guess what else? The WW? Were twin sisters.

Seriously, I couldn't make this shit up.

They'd both fallen in love with the same man, but the guy didn't know that they were twins, they basically played the part of one woman, swapping every other week to spend time with him. He married one, but obviously not the other even though they played as the same woman.

Until one of them fell pregnant, and the other didn't due to being infertile. That threw a bit of a spanner in the works. The one he knocked up? Was technically the sister he didn't marry.

So for nine months only one of the sisters spent time with him, which obviously made the other one rather jealous 'cus hey, he was HER husband. (These people are crazy, seriously).

When the kids were born (it was twins) the act had to be kept up until they stopped breastfeeding, and so the twin who was infertile demanded that she got to spend the same amount of time uninterrupted with the husband as her sister did, and her sister agreed.

When the balance was evened out, it seems like the mother of the kids had gone a bit mad, watching from the sidelines as her sister raised them and they grew into toddlers. They started to split the time again but the sister who was infertile had grown to hate her sisters children since she couldn't have any, so made a deal with someone to sneak into the house and kill the kids.

But her sister beat her to it. Sort of.

The person the wife had enlisted to kill the kids didn't show, so she decided to kill them hersen. But her sister had decided she was going to kill the wife so she could have her kids and the man she loved.

When the sister found the wife killing the kids, she apparently screamed and leapt at her, which caused both of them to stab the other at the same time the husband burst through the door but froze in confusion when he saw the twins in front of him.

He saw the children, dead, and the two women bleeding to death on the floor and let out a cry of 'no, it can't stop now!'

Some people said he'd figured it out at the start of the carry on but because he got to seep with two women he didn't say anything, so both sisters turned into White Women.

People, dude. People are fucking insane.

* * *

December 3rd 2011

Got a call off a guy called Garth from America today. Well, I didn't personally but our communication and monitoring lot did. Apparently the guy who we sorted out to liaise with about the Khan Worms and Jefferson Starships died yesterday. Got shot in the head by something called a Leviathan.

And I don't like the sound of what they are.


	12. Bunker 6

"This isn't working, guys," Garth flailed his arms around at the mess of books and bits of paper, "I thought you said you had a _library_. This is just a bunch of books that you pull out of nowhere and put back into more nowhere."

"We do have a library," Sam said indignantly, "but there's also a lot of books just sat around from who knows where. In case you've not noticed we've been a bit busy trying to not die to organise them."

Garth huffed and dropped his arms to his sides, "you could have asked for help, guys." Sam and Dean squirmed uncomfortably as Charlie nodded and Cas narrowed his eyes, "right, we should have STARTED in the library, so, I'm sure there's an index about, right?"

Sam stood up carefully, looked almost confused for a moment before shaking his head and moved to the filing cabinets along the side of the room, he opened the top drawer and rifled about till he pulled out a card of books starting with 'A'. He scanned down it then pulled the three behind it out too and handed them to Garth who grinned and read down the list carefully.

"Good, how's about we concentrate on getting you fixed first, Sam? We've lost too many of us, we need to keep the ones we've got left." Garth banished Sam to the table while he went through the rest of the index cabinets and wrote down a lot of book titles. "Okay, we start with ten, then put those back and get ten more, once we've gone through them all we should be closer to finding something than we are right now."

Garth shoved a list of five books at Dean, and another five at Charlie, ushering them both towards the door as Castiel scribbled bits of Enochian on pieces of paper and Kevin poured over the tablet notes. Garth took his place back by the filing cabinets and called out titles of books to Sam so he could write more lists for what they might need next.

They made a pretty good team between the six of them to be honest.

* * *

"So, you heard from Glinda at all?"

"A little, she comes back to visit every now and then, when she's not busy in court." Charlie grinned as she slid another book out of the shelf and dropped it into Dean's waiting arms.

Between the two of them they'd managed to find six of the ten books Garth had sent them hunting for, after spending a while debating on how the books would be organised on the way to the library and discovering it was by author rather than title. Which Charlie said Dean should have known, and Dean countered with "books are Sammy's thing," which earned him an eye roll and a punch to the arm.

Charlie climbed back down the ladder and scanned the shelves as she went, looking for the next author to find the seventh book as she told Dean about her dates with Glinda and about how adorably naive she was to most things geek. Which Charlie was doing her best to rectify, starting with Star Trek and Doctor Who. And of course Harry Potter.

"She's a bit like Cas then?" Dean grinned as Charlie turned a soft smile to him, "I need to get that guy's film education up man."

Charlie sighed and chewed her lip, "y'know, Dean, you can admit it. Even if it's just to yourself, come on, you're a big strong hunter, you can do it." Dean blushed slightly and turned away rubbing the back of his head, mumbling something, "what was that? Didn't quite catch it."

"You know better than anyone that I have to be careful with stuff like that. People I like don't tend to stick around too long." Charlie made a sympathetic noise and squeezed Dean's forearm as she handed him another book, "I mean, Cas gets away with so much stuff BECAUSE he's Cas, the amount of people who I'd keep in my life after pulling the tricks he's pulled is very limited. And so far only tested by Sam. He realised that too, I asked him something like 'why should I give Ca another chance' and he said 'because he's Cas'. I never thought much about it but, it's true. Because Cas is _Cas_ he gets the benefit of the doubt every time."

Dean went quiet for a few minutes as he arranged the books in the box, "but he doesn't like me that way anyway. He's just used to being around us all now."

"What?!" Charlie nearly shrieked, "why would you even think that?!"

"He's just mimicking, Charlie! He's never had to really feel stuff before and I think he's just copying what he sees with other people. He's like a kid, lets be honest. He's learning all this emotion stuff but he has no clue what he really feels."

"He. Is. Not. Just. Learning!" Charlie shook her head and hit Dean on the arm a few times with a book, punctuating each word, "he's had millennia to learn how emotions work and sure he's never experienced them before but he knows what they are and how to identify them! Jesus, Dean, why are you so determined to not accept that you two are perfect?"

"I've got too much going on with Sammy, and with nothing else going right why should I risk this too?" Dean shouted.

"Because you have to stop pushing away the people who love you just because it scares you that they feel that way towards you!" Charlie sighed and watched Dean sag, "have you ever thought that this whole 'pretending not to care' thing is actually working against you not actually caring?" Dean glanced up in confusion, "it's making you care more, you moron."

Charlie shoved the book she'd assaulted him with into his arms and walked away to find the last two, leaving Dean on his own to think about what she'd said.

* * *

The six of them always enjoyed dinner together at the end of the day. They purposefully didn't talk about what they'd been doing or about the situation of outside, which either Dean or Garth reported on whenever they went to get food, so they weren't ignoring it; just pretending it didn't matter for a while.

Dean always cooked huge meal for the group, even including Kevin by always getting something tofu that matched whatever he was making for everyone else. Sometimes he even tried a bit. Just to make sure it was cooked. He couldn't give the kid uncooked food could he?

Charlie threw herself into the seat next to Cas as Dean was cooking. The group was tired but feeling more useful now they'd started getting some proper research done, and so Cas had brought note pads and different coloured pens (he'd developed a slight fascination, which Dean didn't encourage by buying him multi-packs that also had sparkly ones in. Nope. Not Dean.) with him to keep Dean company as he bounced around the kitchen singing to his records. Currently AC/DC.

Castiel had had a soft smile on his face and was watching Dean out of the corner of his eye before Charlie flopped down next to him. The angel jumped and glanced at her as she gave him an award winning smile and nodded her head to Dean's (purposefully) off-key singing. Cas smiled back and moved some of his papers out of the way for her to lean on the table, Charlie just waved him away then spread them out again and looked through them.

She started asking questions and pointing to various symbols, Castiel's face seemed to light up as he started babbling about the grammar rules of Enochian and how certain words were missing in it so he had to substitute and change entire sentences around while still trying to keep their meaning. Charlie stared at the words in front of her, fascinated by the things Cas was saying.

Dean leant against the counter watching them, both heads too engrossed in the conversation to realise he'd stopped singing and dancing around since all he had to do now was wait for everything to actually cook. Things would need an occasional stir but it wouldn't kill them to be left alone for a bit.

Castiel glanced up at Dean as Charlie was trying to pronounce some of the words he'd shown her and his smile looked like it was going to crack his face in half. Dean returned it with as much pride as he could and winked at Cas, who blushed and ducked his head.

Dean's smile softened and he turned to poke at the things in the pans behind him as he thought about what Charlie had said in the library. What if she was right? Dean didn't know if he dared to risk everything but he wanted to. It wasn't often enough that he got what he wanted.

Charlie triumphantly squealed as she pronounced a full sentence right and Dean laughed, turning to see her waving her hands in the air and dancing in her seat in happiness, Castiel was laughing too and didn't stop even when Charlie threw her arms around his neck and squealed a 'thank you', instead he returned the hug and informed Charlie that she was welcome to learn Enochian any time.

"Hear that? I'm gonna kidnap your angel for language lessons!" Charlie shot at Dean with a sly grin and waggled her fingers at him.

"You'll do better than me," Dean winked, "I can barely get my head around languages from this planet."

"I'm clearly more awesome than you!"

Castiel smiled at their gentle teasing, glad that Dean finally seemed to have the kind of family he'd always needed. It might not be blood related, but he remembered the main thing Bobby used to say, "family don't end with blood, boy" and remembered when Bobby had said that Cas was as much a part of his family as Sam or Dean.

He glanced at Dean who was looking at him curiously, Cas shrugged as Charlie started trying to identify words on her own, all three of them jumping when one of Dean's timers went off.

Sam shuffled into the room and sat down on the other side of Charlie as she and Castiel started to clear away his papers and Dean drained the potatoes before leaving them to stand a minute with butter on before mashing them. Charlie jumped up to help him dish everything out as Garth and Kevin wandered into the kitchen and dining room mumbling about being starving and food smelling nice.

"You bet your ass it smells nice!" Dean grinned as he carved up and dished Kevin's tofu joint before starting on the meat, "I've been slaving away over this stove, you'd better all appreciate it!" Sam barked out a laugh as Garth saluted and Kevin grinned.

Garth helped put dishes on the table for people to help themselves to and sat down in between Sam and Kevin, leaving the spare chair next to Cas for Dean. When he sat down Garth suggested they said grace, to which Dean, Sam and Charlie all shouted 'GRACE!' then started piling bits of food on their plates. Garth and Castiel sighed as Kevin laughed and joined in with filling his plate.

They ate with jokes and gentle teasing, the noise level a comfortable chatter as they passed more food between each other and mopped up bits of sauce on their plates with the remaining solid bits.

Dean leant back in his chair and flashed a smile around the room, "so who's doing the washing?" the table groaned in mock annoyance and Castiel smiled.

"I will, I did nothing for the preparation so it is only fair," Kevin agreed that it was fair he help too, then asked what Crowley had eaten.

"I'm gonna make him a sandwich in a bit," Dean shrugged, "I'm not even sure if he needs to eat or not. He never seems to be all that hungry."

"Why not take him some of this," Cas said waving a hand at some of the leftovers, causing the table to look at him curiously "it will stop it going to waste," he blushed slightly.

"You're too kind for your own good, angel," Dean shook his head as Castiel's blush deepened and he stood up to start collecting the plates.

Sam coughed pointedly and shared a look with Charlie, which only Dean saw as Garth and Kevin were busy helping Cas collect plates and scrape bits of leftovers onto a spare one. Dean blinked at Charlie and Sam who both schooled their expressions into innocently neutral ones which worried Dean more than their conspiring grins.

Dean took the plate of leftovers down to Crowley, who poked at it slightly and only ate abut half of it before declaring himself to 'not really be all that hungry'. Dean shrugged and took the half-full plate and glass back up to the kitchen, depositing the food into a bag and passing the plate and glass to Cas to wash off.

Kevin was in the process of drying and Garth was helping him put things away so Dean wandered into the main room where Charlie was chatting to Sam. The two of them went oddly quiet as Dean approached and both just smiled at him.

"Whatever you two are plotting, stop, you're making me nervous." Dean folded his arms and scowled as both Charlie and Sam adopted almost matching looks of hurt pride at Dean not trusting them, Charlie even went as far as to clutch at her chest and pout.

Dean sighed and shook his head as he sat down at the table, pulling a book towards him and glancing up to see Charlie and Sam grinning at each other again. He really was nervous about them plotting.

* * *

After they'd all retreated to their rooms Dean lay on his bed with music playing softly. A barely there whisper of melody as he lay with his eyes closed and drifted on the edge of sleep thinking about the things Charlie had said. And the things Sam had said too. As well as the things he'd seen for himself when he'd been watching Cas.

Okay that sounded creepier than he meant it to be, but Cas did the same to him. Dean knew this because there were a few times that Dean had felt someone watching him and when he'd glanced up he saw Castiel looking away quickly. So it wasn't like Dean was imagining things. He knew Cas stared but it seemed like Cas was only staring at Dean.

Dean huffed out a breath through his nose and tapped his foot in time with his music, smiling softly as 'Hey Jude' floated from the player and reminded him of his mom. He turned onto his side so he could look at the picture of her sat on his drawers, her smiling face never ageing as she accompanied Dean through everything.

The smile on his face turned sad as he hummed along to the song quietly, not wanting to disturb Cas on the other side of the wall. Charlie and Garth had picked rooms at the other end of the corridor in between Sam and Kevin's rooms, and Charlie was already talking about redecorating hers with as many posters as she could find. Dean had agreed to take her poster shopping when they got chance.

Dean was a push-over for those he cared about really.

A slight whimpering came from the wall behind him and Dean frowned, rolling onto his back again and turning his head to look at it, as if it would help him hear, Cas could be having a nightmare again.

Quietly Dean sat up, not taking his eyes off the wall, and reached over to shut off his record player, there was the whimper again. Dean slipped his feet into his slippers and tugged on his dressing gown, padding almost silently next door and opening Cas' door with only a slight hesitation.

He glanced around the door frame and saw Cas frowning and gripping his spare pillow tightly, occasionally his leg would jerk or one arm fly out from his body before curling into an even tighter ball than before with another whimper.

Dean had turned the heating up in Cas's room so Cas wasn't in his dressing gown, but even with the extra heat it wasn't warm enough for the thin sheen of sweat across Castiel's forehead.

Closing the door behind him Dean moved to stand next to Cas' bed, he reached over and gently ran one hand through his hair and the other up and down his bare arm to soothe him. He noticed that Cas was wearing one of Dean's old AC/DC shirts to sleep in and smiled.

"Dean," Castiel breathed in his sleep, the tight ball he'd curled into relaxing as Dean stroked his arm and combed through his hair.

"Shh, I'm here," Dean mumbled as he sat down on the edge of Cas' bed and continued to card his hand through Cas' hair, the other one now going over Cas' body and bracing Dean up against the bed so he didn't fall.

Castiel sighed and his face slowly relaxed into a soft smile, Dean's face followed suit as he watched Cas simultaneously snuggle into his spare pillow and push his head into Dean's hand.

Dean hummed quietly as Cas settled properly, the tension leaving his body as Dean continued to stroke through his hair and massage his head gently. "S'good," Cas mumbled and Dean's hand stilled for a few seconds before he continued.

"Hey, didn't mean to wake you up."

"S'okay, nightmare," Cas tapped his forehead with a finger while stifling a yawn with the pillow.

"Yeah, I guessed," Dean smiled softly as Castiel woke up a bit more, but didn't stop stroking his hair.

"I didn't wake everyone again, did I?"

"Nah, I was just awake and heard you whimpering," Dean's smile grew as Cas blushed slightly and he mumbled an apology into his arm as he tried to hide his pink cheeks, "its fine man, it's not like I was already asleep."

Cas lifted his head and tried to glare at Dean but instead he smiled, groaning a little as he stretched out on his side after being curled in a tense ball. Dean moved his hand from Cas' head and moved further away with a blush while Cas stretched and moved to lean against his headboard.

The two of them sat quietly for few moments while Castiel blinked the last of the sleep away from his eyes and Dean watched him carefully.

"What were they about?" Cas tensed slightly, "hey, not judging, just curious. But if you don't wanna say tha-"

"The same as usual, my brothers and sisters falling. Metatron stealing my grace, Sam dying because of the trials, you dying because I was an idiot." Cas refused to look at Dean, instead resolutely staring at the covers between his knees as he drew them up to his chest and hugged them slightly, "I'm a soldier, Dean, I've lost hundreds of my brothers and sisters in war yet this... This is more than I can bear. This is all my fault."

"Castiel, I will get 'this is not your fault' tattooed on my forehead backwards if I need to to make you realise that it's _not_ your fault." Dean moved closer slightly, "you didn't know what was really happening, you couldn't have known."

Cas made a soft sound of acknowledgement and dropped his head slightly more, Dean reached out and squeezed his forearm, stroking across it with his thumb for a few minutes while they sat in silence. "I, uh, I need to talk to you about something," Dean started, Cas lifted his head and looked Dean in the eye, his head tilting into the confused and curious position the angel always seemed to wear when he didn't know what was happening.

Dean took a deep breath and looked away, "it's nothing bad, just... I don't even know man. I just wanna know how you're feeling."

"Right now, or in general?" Cas asked Dean snorted out a laugh and mock-glared at him, noticing that the edges of Cas' mouth had turned up slightly which caused Dean's stomach to flip, "because right now I feel... Confused. But safe. In general... Just the confused part, maybe a little scared, and angry, and betrayed. But right now, mostly safe."

"Good, that's... Good."

Dean nodded and looked away again, the silence stretched for a few more moments before, "why? How do you feel, Dean?"

Dean sighed through his nose and glanced back to Cas, he'd moved so he was sat cross legged instead of with his knees curled to his chest and he'd laid his arms on his lap even though Dean still had a hand resting on one of them, he was looking at Dean with open curiosity again.

Dean grinned, "right now? Or in general?" his eyes seemed to sparkle at the snort of laughter that brought from Castiel as the angel hit him with a pillow, "well... I'm confused too. Angry, bitter, useless, betrayed, all of the above." Cas moved his hand over Dean's and squeezed, "mostly confused. I mean, Charlie and Sam seem to have this idea that you're... Feeling something towards me, and I just don't know if that's them wanting it to be true, you feeling it or... Or me wanting it to be true."

Dean mumbled the last sentence while avoiding Castiel's eyes and Cas had to lean forwards to catch it, his eyes widening as he realised what Dean meant. Dean expected Castiel to snatch his arms away and tell him to leave, instead Cas squeezed his hand again and scooted closer to Dean.

"Does that bother you?" Dean glanced up to see Cas staring seriously at him, with a hint of fear in the honest gaze, "because if it bothers you then I can le-"

"Don't you ever threaten that. Don't you dare." Dean spun his body to face Castiel directly, glaring at the blue eyed man with passion, so much so that Castiel shrank back slightly and nodded, "I don't ever want you to leave, okay? That's part of the problem. I want you around, Cas, and I don't want to have to be worrying about you. But worrying about you comes almost as easy as worrying about Sammy, just... In different ways."

Castiel blinked at Dean and opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out, Dean huffed out a laugh, "Cas, I... I just cant take you disappearing on me. I need you to stick around 'cos I don't know what I'll do if you don't. If you get stuck somewhere I can't get to you, that'll kill me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Dean, I promise."

Dean shook his head, "don't make promises you can't keep, Cas. Everyone who says that always leaves." Cas' face dropped and his eyes seemed to shine with apologies, before he could start spouting them Dean put his arm around Cas' shoulders and pulled him into a one armed hug, "don't take it personally, man."

"How can I prove to you that I'm not gonna leave?"

"There's a catch twenty-two if I ever heard one," Dean said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I mean it, Dean," Cas pulled back and glared at him as Dean's arm dropped back to his side, "I want you to be able to trust me to not leave, I know I always get dragged away and I'm sorry, there's nothing I would rather do than stay by your side."

Dean clenched his hand into a fist then scrubbed it over his face as if he didn't know what to do with it now it wasn't touching Castiel, "it's not that I don't trust _you_, man, it's like you said, every time you get to come back something pulls you away again. It's everyone else that I don't trust."

"Well I just won't let them take me away." Dean scoffed and Cas gripped his shoulders, "I mean it, Dean! I can tether myself to something, like I tethered myself to your soul to get through what Naomi made me do, and to stop me from killing you in the crypt, I can do that."

"Tether yourself to what, though? You can't see my soul any more."

Cas seemed to deflate and let his hands fall back into his lap, "I don't know."

Dean stared at him for a moment before standing up and walking out of his room. Castiel blinked and watched the door, Dean hadn't shut it, was he coming back? Why couldn't Cas actually say something that would be useful for a change.

Cas scrubbed his hands over his face and left them there, resting his elbows on his knees and sighing. He heard a drawer in Dean's room close and debated getting up to close the door, but didn't want to move or look at the space that Dean had just disappeared from.

A few moments later he heard a shuffling and his door close, Cas moved his hands and glanced towards the door, his mouth open slightly as Dean was stood there playing with what seemed to be a bit of black leather cord in one hand.

Dean walked slowly towards the bed and Cas could see he was playing with something else in his other hand, but Cas couldn't see what it was. Dean came to a stop in front of him and looked at the thing in his hands that was presumably attached onto the cord. He set his jaw and carefully dropped the cord over Castiel's head and settled it around his neck before letting go of the thing in his hand.

Cas glanced away from staring at Dean's face when he felt the something hit his chest, he caught a glimpse of silver before he carefully moved the thing with shaking hands, seeing it was Deans silver ring. Dean had put his silver ring on some cord and put it around his neck.

"Y'know, for a tether," Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. Castiel's head snapped up as he gripped the ring in one hand and stared at Dean, the blush on Dean's face deepened, "if, y'know that'll wo-" Cas surged up and kissed Dean again.

"It will work perfectly," Dean had frozen in place as Cas kissed him, Castiel started to stammer out an apology and made to take the ring off to give it back, Dean's hands stilled the movement and tucked the ring under Cas' (Dean's) shirt.

Dean kissed him.

Cas froze and his eyes widened as Dean's hands found his face, Cas sighed and let his eyes drift closed as Dean licked at his bottom lip, using the sigh to gently trace his tongue against the tip of Castiel's and roll further into Cas' mouth as he met the movement with his own gentle stroke.

Castiel moved one hand to Dean's shoulder and gripped the dressing gown tightly, his other hand moving to the back of Dean's head as the two of them deepened the kiss, sliding their tongues together and sighing into each other's mouths as if they'd been waiting their entire lives for that moment.

Which they kinda had.

Dean pushed into the kiss slightly, and Castiel let him move them both backwards so Dean was laying on top of Cas, the taller man bracing himself on his elbows as Cas stretched out underneath him, the only pauses in their kissing the ones to take a couple of deep breaths before their lips sealed together again.

Despite the warmth of the room Castiel had goosebumps, and every time his and Dean's tongue brushed he shivered. Dean bit his bottom lip lightly and Cas groaned into his mouth, Dean repeating the noise as Castiel pulled him closer and sucked on his tongue.

Dean moved his mouth from Cas', causing Cas to let out a whimper that turned to a moan as Dean started kissing and suckling on Cas' neck, tracing a path with his tongue to Cas' collarbones.

Cas' hands found their way under Dean's dressing gown, and snuck under the hem of his shirt to lay flat against Dean's back, the heat radiating from the other man almost scorching his skin.

Dean sat up on his knees and shoved his dressing gown off before laying down on top of Cas again, running one hand up Castiel's side and cupping his face with the other. Dean's hands sent a new wave of goosebumps up Cas' skin as he traced the muscles on his side, starting from the jut of his hip to over his shoulder as Dean lightly danced his fingers over his chest under his shirt.

Cas arched his back involuntarily into Dean's touch and the hunter laughed softly, "didn't think you were that sensitive, Cas."

"Shut up," Castiel growled, pulling Dean back to his mouth and kissing him more intensely, Cas dragged his nails slowly down Dean''s back and caused him to moan into Cas' mouth, chasing the noise like it gave him life Cas did the movement again with more pressure, this time arching his hips up to meet Dean's and brush against the growing erection in his pyjama pants.

Dean swore quietly and ground his hips into Castiel's slightly, causing the man underneath him to tip his head back and groan louder, exposing his neck which Dean once again kissed and nibbled on while still grinding into his erection.

"Don't start what you can't finish, angel," Dean growled as he reached Cas' ear.

"Bite me," Cas breathed, so Dean did. He bit gently on the earlobe before sucking it into his mouth and trailing a series of bites down Cas' neck and onto the exposed bit of his shoulder Dean could reach when he moved the collar of the shirt.

Cas tugged at the shirt Dean was wearing, Dean sat up and pulled it off over his head and watched Cas' eyes grow larger and his pupils expand more. Cas reached out slowly and ran his hands up Dean's chest as far as he could reach, leaning off the bed slightly so he could reach further.

Dean leaned down slowly so Castiel could finish his trail up to his shoulders, he moved his hands under the shirt covering Cas' chest and gently pulled it up and off Cas's head, keeping his arms inside it and above his head for a few seconds to kiss him gently.

"Is this okay?" Dean asked as Cas laughed.

"Very," Cas tugged his arms out of the shirt and pulled Dean's chest flush with his, both men groaning as their skin came into contact and their body heat mingled together.

Wandering hands and kisses became almost desperate, but still gentle. The two men trying to learn the feel of the other as much as they could; to see which muscles caused a gasp; which touches caused a sigh, cataloguing each noise and place that caused the noise in a secret space for only each other.

Dean pushed his hips into Castiel's again and the two of them gasped, their erections brushing against each other behind the fabric of their pants and causing friction across the sensitive muscles.

"Cas," Dean gasped, "I get if you don't-"

"I do, Dean, I really do," Cas' voice had gone even more gravelly than usual, he ground himself up against Dean more firmly and Dean growled as he nipped at Cas' lip again, reaching down to palm Cas through his pyjamas.

"Are you sure, because I want this, Cas, I really want this. But not if you don't."

"Dean," Castiel moaned as he pushed himself into Dean's hand and rutted against it. Dean's breath hitched as he watched Cas buck his hips and arch his back to keep contact with Dean's hand.

Dean moved his hand under the fabric of Cas' pants and Cas groaned as Dean fisted his cock, drawing his hand up the length slowly and watching as Cas' eyes rolled and his mouth lolled open in a silent moan. Cas dug his fingernails into Dean's shoulder with one hand and with the other he gripped the sheet underneath him as Dean repeated the movement even more slowly, barely moving over the sensitive skin as he gently tightened and relaxed his grip.

Cas used the hand on Dean's shoulder to pull him into a kiss and moaned into Dean's mouth, Dean's hips bucked and Cas smirked, moving his head to beside Dean's ear and moaned again into the sensitive skin below it as he sucked gently on Dean's neck. Dean let out his own moan which he muffled with Cas' neck and pulled Cas' pants down slightly, sighing as Cas did the same to him and he could finally align their erections.

The two of them took a moment to catch their breath as their cocks touched, the hot skin smoothly fitting together in Dean's palm as they both moaned into each other's mouths again.

Cas moved his hips slightly and Dean gasped, beginning to stroke the two of them and rock his hips in time with the movement. Castiel soon picked up on the rhythm and added his hand to Dean's to enclose their cocks, interlacing the fingers as the two of them stroked and rocked together to gasps and moans when Dean squeezed and Cas's hand stuttered slightly.

Dean encouraged Cas to move quicker, keeping the pace even but intense as he bit and sucked at Cas' collarbone near his shoulder, Cas moaned into Dean's shoulder and bit down lightly, causing Dean's hips to stutter out of synch and Dean to speed up the motions with his hand again.

"Dean... I..." Cas moaned into Dean's skin.

"Shh, it's okay angel, I've got you, come on, come for me baby," Cas groaned as Dean moved faster against him and the pressure in Cas' abdomen increased, with a soft cry Cas arched his back and came between their bodies, Dean watching his every movement and feeling the warmth overwhelm him too.

Cas squeezed his hand tighter and bit down on Deans neck at the junction to his shoulder, and Dean bit his lip, groaned and came himself, propping himself up with the arm not being used to stroke the last bits of pleasure out of him and Cas and dropping his forehead to Cas', their noses brushing together as they caught their breath.

Dean placed his lips over Castiel's and kissed him slowly with barely any pressure but a million tonne weight of meaning. Cas returned the kiss with a sigh and moved his hand from Dean's back to behind his head, cupping it gently and stroking his thumb up and down Dean's neck.

"Stay?"

"For you, Cas, always," Dean grinned and retrieved a shirt from the floor, he carefully wiped the mess off the two of them then pulled his pants up properly again and moved under the covers with Cas who'd done the same, the latter curling into Dean's chest and sighing happily.

Shadows danced on the wall behind them from the trees outside moving in the wind, and soon the two of them were alseep, twisted around each other and breathing in each other's sighs of content.


	13. Tannia 7

February 10th 2012

Sammandriel's been awol for a while, pretty much since Balthy died. He showed up today in a right state.

Not wounded or anything, just, flapping about and mumbling about factions and wars and stuff.

He turned to me and said he was sorry for intruding but he needed a space where he could plan without being found, and wondered if he could use the bunker where I first met Balthy.

I agreed, but said I needed to move some stuff first. I went in and moved all the weapons from heaven into a box, and hid it with sigils in the farthest back space that I could.

Only after that did I let him in. I might trust him, but if things go south I don't wanna be the one responsible for those weapons being found after Balthazar took so much care in hiding them.

* * *

March 20th 2012

Sammi's been missing for a while, again. I really worry something bad has happened.

I actually prayed to him last night to see if he'd tell me what was going on, I got nothing. There was a note in the bunker today though, it literally just said "there are complications, I will let you know"

Bloody angels.

* * *

March 31st 2012

This civil war thing is serious. Two angels showed up outside my uncles place today and just... Fought. Till one of them died. My uncle managed to cast away the other one with a sigil but was too late to save the other, but the one that was stabbed had a message for us in his jacket.

It literally said to watch out for any angel that didn't identify themselves first. If one showed up and didn't, we were warned to try and get away or banish it.

That's comforting.

* * *

May 5th 2012

Prophets. Bloody Prophets.

I'm sick of all this biblical bullshit jesus christ.

A word of God has been unearthed and now there's bloody Prophets to read the scripture.

I give up.

* * *

May 10th 2012

Finally had contact with Sammandriel today that wasn't just a note, the poor guy looks tired.

If angels can look tired, then you know shit is going down. He can't tell me what, only that these Leviathan things are way more dangerous than I thought they might be.

I knew I didn't like the sound of them.

* * *

May 18th 2012

Apparently the Leviathan are gone. Just like that.

I don't quite believe it, 'cus they never appeared here, and surely there's gotta be SOMETHING weird about that?

Or are we just too small an island for them to bother with?

* * *

June 1st 2012

Met my first Leviathan, so much for them being 'gone'. Jesus those things are not nice.

Think of worms with teeth, that's what they look like when they go to eat you. Yep, another thing that's main meal is human. Great ain't it?

Apparently it was these things that killed that Bobby guy, though they shot him, so it's comforting to know that they're adept with modern weapons too.

The only intel we got was that we had to cut off their head, and separate the body and head as much as we could, and maybe soak the whole things in borax (which is a chemical found in cleaning stuff) to stop them coming back.

So now every Hunter has a water gun filled with borax in their kit.

This shit is getting ridiculous.

* * *

June 15th 2012

Just found out how Leviathan get their bodies. They just need one touch, flesh on flesh, and then they can morph into the human in question. They get all their memories and quirks, and then they eat the human version.

I feel kinda sick. This kind of stuff is not good.

These things come from Purgatory. They were made before Adam and Eve were even a consideration. But proved to be too violent and greedy so were banished to Purgatory which then got taken over by Eve. But now she's dead... I guess they're the big bad now.

* * *

July 1st 2012

We're running out of ideas on how to handle the Leviathan.

We can't just start spraying people and hoping they start melting, that'll bring too much attention to what's going on.

Problem is, we can't just leak borax into stuff 'cus it'll make people sick as well. There's no real way we can sort this out unless we know someone is a Leviathan before we go for them.

But then that doesn't help 'cus suddenly people will be going missing.

We need to be careful with this one.

* * *

August 3rd 2012

Apparently the Leviathan have received news that their big boss is dead, they've all just kinda... Descended into chaos. Which makes it easier to find and kill them let me tell you!

Gonna have a messy few months up ahead though, but at least we can claim it's a cult thing now and people can be more wary.

We're trying to think of a way to be sneaky and give people outside of Hunters a way to protect themsen against the Leviathan, we're thinking borax in pepper spray.

Unethical to humans maybe, but if they're attacking other people then they kinda deserve it.

* * *

September 6th 2012

Looks like we've got rid of the last Leviathan, not sure whether they actually go back to Purgatory when they die or not, but leaving them in a vat of borax definitely doesn't do them very well.

Hopefully it means they stay dead now, though.

* * *

September 30th 2012

Saved a young lass from being mauled by a Werewolf today, it was almost like something out of American Werewolf In London. But before the Werewolf got to London.

Dartmoor. Ever heard of it? Think of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. No? The Hound of the Baskervilles? There we go (I hope).

Yeah, that's a Werewolf m'dear! Or a family of them. They've been living veggie for a while now, but they... 'Adopted' another into their family in the form of a new daughter. The kid was fourteen and had been basically feral to that point, so she'd eaten human hearts, but did well enough to steal them from newly dead bodies (she said she'd been taught to, so that's a point in whoever looked after her's favour I guess).

The amount of people getting cremated made her need to find another source of food, so she basically joined this family. They're farmers, and get a lot of stuff from fresh markets too. They were doing really well till she joined in.

Well, the rest of them are still okay, just she's kinda put a damper on their name now. She was sixteen before she snapped.

I'd got the case when there had been reports of howling around a full moon, and if that isn't the first thing to make a Hunter prick their ears I don't know what would be. So yeah, I went to investigate.

With it being Dartmoor though, I was sceptical, so was everyone else 'cus of the Holmes books. Everyone knew how many people would mess with others, but still, checking never did any harm.

If you've ever seen American Werewolf In London, then you know the scene of the pub with the pentagram on the wall. If not, that's basically it.

There was a pub by the moor that was COVERED with protective sigils under the paint of the outside. It's nice being able to see these things. I went inside and had the distinct feeling I didn't belong and wasn't welcome, and I wasn't the poor American lass sat in the corner being glared at.

This got lessened for me when I said hello, 'cus even though I'm from the other end of the country, at least I was British.

The only free seat was opposite the American lass, so I asked if I could sit down, and she just nodded. I managed to get her talking though, to the glares and renewed hatred of the locals.

Then the howling started, and the young lass looked around as everyone but me jumped and stared out the door. She asked what it was, and for her troubles got told to mind her own business. The poor lass just slumped so I asked instead, and got the same response.

The others in the bar started getting edgy, and I watched them all fidget for a few minutes before asking what the problem was. Someone snapped at me to shut up, another said wild dogs, and a third said something about going away if I didn't stop asking questions.

That's when the American lass got up and left 'cus she 'couldn't take the tension anymore.'

I stood up and asked what the hell the locals were playing at just letting her leave, they all just fidgeted some more and cowered when another howl happened, followed by a scream.

I was the only one who ran out the door and tackled the Werewolf mid-leap away from the lass. Being a Witch, I heal quickly, and Werewolf and Vampire bites won't affect me, so I won't turn, I still don't really wanna get caught by their teeth, but I knew that it couldn't do me much harm from shoving it out of the way.

The Wolf was focussed on me now, which was good. I managed to fire off a silver bullet as it leapt for me, and for my troubles got the dead-weight of a sixteen year old lass hit me square in the chest.

Being winded isn't fun.

Next thing I know I've got another wolf by my side, but instead of attacking me it shook it's head and picked up the body of the girl, then loped away.

I found out afterwards what had happened in regards to the family. The lass had had trouble transferring to the animal meat and hearts, so they had to lock her up on a full moon, but this time someone hadn't checked the locks properly.

It's upsetting, really, 'cus either way that's no way to live. Locked away once a month and starving for the rest of it? No thank you.

Poor lass.


	14. Bunker 7

Sam woke up to loud laughter coming from the main room of the bunker, he squinted at the clock and saw it was past noon. He sat up and looked around, things had been feeling a lot less fuzzy recently, he almost felt normal right then, and he wasn't sure whether to be worried or not.

He was glad he seemed to be getting better, and hell he wasn't about to argue, ever. But it also seemed that the better he got, the more demon-like Crowley continued to get. It was as if whatever had turned him human had weakened Sam, and as Sam recovered and got stronger that returned Crowley's powers to him.

Sam shook his head as another bout of laughter came from the living room, he stood up and made his way to the door and leant against the frame, Kevin and Charlie sat at the table looking utterly confused as Castiel was doubled over and almost crying with laughter.

Dean's shit-eating grin made it obvious who the culprit was.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam asked with a smile, it was nice to see Cas let go like that. Even if Sam had to pointedly ignore the red marks on Dean and Cas' necks.

It'd been a couple of days since Dean finally admitted to liking Cas properly, since then the two had spent their nights in each other's rooms, 'making up for lost time' as Dean called it.

Sam called it adorably gross. But was glad they finally managed to see what everyone else had been seeing forever.

Castiel just laughed harder and clung to his sides as Dean began to laugh too, "the post man didn't like his job," Cas snorted and leant against Dean and whimpered something like 'hurts' as he tried to stifle his laughter and wiped at his eyes.

"I don't even think I wanna know," Sam's face had joined Charlie and Kevin's in complete bewilderment, the three of them glancing at each other like Dean and Cas, still giggling, had lost the last bits of their sanity.

Through many stops for laughter Dean and Castiel manged to explain about their trip before the apocalypse was supposed to hit, Charlie laughed as Dean explained he basically tried to get an angel laid, while Sam looked scandalised.

"Dude! He's an ANGEL."

"Yeah but wouldn't you like to know what he's like bet-"

"NOIWOULDN'T." Sam shouted, clamping his hands over his ears as Charlie laughed harder and Kevin looked a little disturbed.

"Dude, that's just weird. You guys are like my family, please don't," Kevin grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes.

"How do you think I feel?!" Sam waved his arms around as Charlie silently clapped and gasped for breath.

"Someone appreciates it at least!" Dean said, putting his hands on Charlie's shoulders and rocking her from side to side, making her shriek and flail in terror as he pretended to throw her off her chair.

Kevin shook his head smiling as Sam laughed, "you're a jerk."

"Bitch," Dean grinned as Charlie slapped his arms from her stable position back on her chair and giggled.

Garth wandered into the room and glanced around at them all with a serious look, Sam caught it first and the smile on his face quickly disappeared as the others turned to see what had sobered him up.

"Sorry to dampen the mood guys, we can continue this later, but I've got info," Garth smiled in apology as Charlie squeezed Dean's hand still on her shoulder and Kevin sat upright.

"What is it?" Castiel asked, blinking away the last bits of amusement at the look on Garth's face.

"We've found Metatron. Seems like Naomi managed to get word out to not trust him before he killed her, and so all the angels that aren't too bitter to even care have been on the lookout for him, seems like there's a place at the bottom of Wyoming that he's managed to take over, an old warehouse for the cliché amongst us, which is close to the border of Colorado. He flits between the two states often enough to confuse anyone watching as to where he's based, but he never goes to the same place in Colorado twice, but he's often seen around that place in Wyoming."

"It could be a trap," Charlie frowned, "if he's being that 'careful' then surely he wouldn't slip up like that?"

"The guy said he goes to a different place in Wyoming, but then ends up back at this place. I don't know whether to believe him or not but it can't hurt to scope it out?"

"Okay, me, Garth and Cas should go check it out, Kevin, Charlie, Sammy, you guys man the bunker and see if you can dig anything else up."

"Dean, I'm fine. I want to come along. That way we can have two people in Wyoming and two in Colorado, doesn't that make more sense? Plus if you're all in the same place and it is a trap how are the rest of us supposed to know what happened?"

"Sammy those trials-"

"Fucked me up; but Dean, honestly I feel fine. Like not 'I'm saying I'm fine to not worry you' fine, actually FINE. I don't feel dizzy, and I don't get out of breath any more, I haven't for a couple of weeks. I don't know why but I think not completing that last spell means that whatever I did to Crowley is slowly being reversed which means whatever it did to me is as well."

Dean glanced around at the other four people in the room, Kevin shrugged in agreement and Charlie chewed her lip as she watched Sam carefully.

"Dean, I have noticed Sam seems to be a lot better," Cas said gently, "him and Garth could go to Colorado while we go to Wyoming, Sam's right, we need all the help we can get but we can keep him away from where we think Metatron is."

"I'll even do the damn gun target test if you want me to," Sam shot a thankful glance at Cas, who nodded in acknowledgement.

"Crowley does seem to be getting back to his old, slimy self," Dean frowned then sighed, "fine, but Garth if he starts slipping even a little bit you hightail him back here, you got that?" Garth saluted with a grin and Charlie snorted then hid her smile behind her hand as Dean glared at her.

"We're nearly done with the translations and the spell to help Sam back fully anyway, hopefully it'll be done by the time you guys get back," Kevin said, waving his hand over the papers in front of him, "Charlie has been a massive help."

"Codes, man, you just look for the repetitions," the red-head grinned brightly as Dean and Sam gave her a fond look, whereas Garth gave her an impressed one and Castiel looked like he'd just been shown the secrets of the universe.

And on an angel that was a hilarious look.

"But, only PROPHETS can read the tablets," he eventually managed to stammer.

"Yeah, but that's why I'm awesome," Charlie gave him a bigger smile and laughed as Cas nodded and mumbled an agreement.

"Right, we get out there today, and start searching tomorrow. It'll be a few hours drive so we'll get to a place that straddles the two states, then start looking at the crack of dawn tomorrow." Dean said, the others nodded solemnly.

* * *

"I think Metatron was in Wyoming y'know," Garth said brightly from the other side of the car, him and Sam had spent as much time as they could looking around before the sun started to drop and Dean had called them to say to finish it off tomorrow. They hadn't even managed to search half of the places Metatron popped up and would probably have as much luck tomorrow.

Castiel had given Garth a vest with the sigils he'd fixed to Sam and Dean's ribs on to wear under his shirt, he said he wasn't sure if it would work as well, but it would hopefully do enough to make Metatron unaware that they were there.

Garth had given him a bear hug.

Then apologised.

A lot.

"I don't know man," Sam replied, "I mean if he was flitting about being the only damn angel with wings he could have been anywhere, this could even just be a projection of him and he's never even left heaven."

"I dunno, I think it'd be boring up there on his own," Garth started the car as Sam strapped himself into the passenger seat, "the guy sounds like someone who wants an audience, like Uriel or Raphael, and this guy thinks he's the new God so he's gotta want more people around, right?"

"There'll be angels who are loyal to him if he's promised them a way back into heaven," Sam mumbled as he stared out of the window at the streets going past them, "what happens if we can't get Cas' grace back is what's worrying me."

"Cas'll be fine," Garth grinned, "the guy's tough. Sure it'll be a blow for him to stay human, but I'd be more worried about Dean if that happens."

Sam snorted, "yeah he does have a little bit of guilt."

* * *

Dean and Castiel had been scoping out the bunker that their informant had listed as being Metatron's, there were angel warding spells on the outside written in Enochian, as well as every protection symbol known and then some. Cas could see other angels milling about and glaring at the building, but never going closer than about ten foot from the edge.

Some ran at the building but stopped as if they'd hit a wall, some screaming and others just resting their head against the invisible wall.

"What are they doing," Dean mumbled, almost to himself.

"Probably listening to him try and bargain with them," Castiel responded even though Dean didn't really mean it as a question, "if he promises them a return to heaven and a full supply of grace to heal their wings, he is going to be extremely dangerous."

"But Naomi told them not to trust them, so they wouldn't side with him. Would they?"

"Dean," Cas sighed and tore his eyes away from the warehouse, "the pull of heaven to an angel is like... It's like the pull of you to Sam. It's our _home_, there is nothing we wouldn't do to get back there even if it meant trusting our loyalty to the one who cast us out. Angels need a leader, Dean. Well, most do." Castiel mumbled the last three words quietly and Dean blinked.

"What do you mean by that?"

Cas sighed, "nothing, just, please understand. If someone took Sam from you then promised his safe return if you did a couple of errands for them, wouldn't you do them?"

Dean sighed as he remembered Samuel, he nodded as he stared back at the warehouse and Castiel reached out and squeezed his hand, both of them were gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Dean relaxed the hand that Cas had squeezed, moving it off the wheel and letting Cas' fingers slot between his, Cas' palm to the back of his hand, and lifted Cas' hand to his mouth, kissing it gently before squeezing his fingers and giving Castiel a tight smile.

"We've driven around all day trying to find a trace of him," Castiel murmured, "I think it's time we called Sam and Garth to put together what we know." Dean nodded and pulled his cell from his pocket.

The call lasted a few minutes wherein Dean said they'd found the warehouse, and it seemed like it was legit, but with angels all around it they didn't get too close because it seemed like the majority of their mojo was still intact. Sam filled him in on how useless them being in Colorado was because of Metatron being able to be anywhere in the blink of an eye. Dean grudgingly agreed.

* * *

"I thought we'd got rid of the whole 'go in guns blazing' plan?"

"No, Dean, you decided it wouldn't work and didn't give us a chance to actually plan it."

"Sam, Garth, you guys can't seriously be thinking this would work?"

"Why not?" Sam shrugged, "it always has in the past."

"Yeah but someone always gets hurt and in case you haven't noticed we don't have a quick heal option this time. Sorry Cas."

Castiel shrugged the apology away, "if it works enough to get my grace back then we WILL have the 'quick heal' option, Dean."

Dean glanced between the determined faces of the other three and sighed, He pulled out his phone, called Charlie and put it on speaker.

"Hello, you've reached the well of awesome, what can I do you for?" Dean smiled despite himself as Sam chuckled.

"Hey Your Majesty, we need help sorting out some strategies."

"Oooh let me get my battle board!" there was a scrape of chairs and a shout of 'hey!' from Kevin as Charlie dragged him to help her. A few moments of silence passed before there was a light 'thump' followed by a scattering of things being dropped, "okay, so warehouse is the fort, and there's four players outside and one in-"

"Make that about twenty outside, there's a few angels hanging around the warehouse about ten feet away from it," Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh," Charlie went quiet and they heard some rustling, "okay, that means you need to either get rid of the angels or distract them... Distract would be better, right?"

"Yes, because to remove them with sigils may send Metatron away and then he would know we were there," Cas frowned.

"Some sort of holy-oil molotov cocktail? Like Cas used on Michael?" Sam ventured.

"If Metatron's as big a reader as you said, he's probably gone and found the Winchester gospel and read it," Sam and Dean both cringed as Cas nodded and Garth stared at the phone in confusion, "so no, he'd know that was you." Charlie went quiet for a moment and they heard paper rustling about, then Kevin's voice piped up.

"What about the Horn of Gabriel? It's supposed to attract angels right? Why not draw that somewhere away from the warehouse and get inside?"

"Metatron would follow it's call to see who put it there," Castiel grumbled, "he'd want to take out whoever the angel was in case they were trying to form an army to storm his base or find him when outside of it."

The next few hours were spent bouncing ideas backwards and forwards, there were a lot of plans that were scrapped as easily as the first two and a few that stuck around for a while before they realised something that could - and probably would - go wrong.

It took them a long time to come to a plan that could actually work, and it was met with mixed opinions.

"I don't like it."

"No one thought you would, Dean, you don't have to like it as long as it works." Sam squeezed his shoulder and gave him a tight smile as he went back to prepping weapons.

They'd decided to use Castiel as a distraction. Cas would run up to the side of the warehouse shouting about Metatron being a fake, and a liar, and screaming about his grace being ripped out and used in some unholy rite to banish all angels from their home. He'd also try to rally the other angels outside to not listen to Metatron and tell them how he wasn't acting for their good but for the good of himself to draw them all to one spot. But he was told under no uncertain circumstances that he had to stay inside the 'area of safety' as Dean called it.

He also had to have some sigils painted on him to make sure any angels who had sided with Metatron couldn't actually touch him.

While Cas was causing a scene Sam, Dean and Garth would sneak in the warehouse at the other side, armed with specifically designed banishing spells and cloaking spells and all manner of things to make them safer in case there were already some angels that sympathised with Metatron within the building and weren't drawn out by Castiel's rant.

They just had to hope there weren't many.

After that, they just had to find Metatron, steal Cas' grace back, kill Metatron, and hope that returning Castiel's grace would reverse the spell. Otherwise they had no clue what they'd do.

Angel rehabilitation groups maybe? Dean's joked suggestion had earned him glares from the others in the room. And the two on the other side of the phone.

"I know I don't have to like it, but I REALLY don't like it." Dean grumbled as he stared at Cas who was busy checking weapons with Garth. Sam just rubbed Dean's arm comfortingly before moving to escort Garth into their room, leaving Cas and Dean alone.

Castiel glanced over to Dean when the door had shut and sighed, "Dean, I know you're not happy but-"

"Shut up," Dean had crossed the room in three strides and pressed his lips to Cas' almost desperately, holding Castiel's face gently in his hands and stroking Cas' cheekbone with his thumb, "just... Be careful, Cas, damnit be very, VERY fucking careful, okay? I can't have you getting hurt because you try to play the hero or whatever."

Cas laughed and buried his forehead in Dean's shoulder, "look who's talking." Dean scoffed but Cas continued, "the same goes for you, Dean," Cas' arms moved around Deans waist and hugged him tightly, "I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything and go out of your way to do something rash to get my grace back. Don't get hurt for me." Cas lifted his head and placed a gentle kiss on the corner of Dean's mouth, "I'd be much less able to forgive myself for that than getting my brothers and sisters cast out of heaven."

Dean made a strangled sort of noise and kissed Castiel again, pressing their lips together and twining his tongue into Cas' mouth as Cas sighed and relaxed into the sensations. One of Dean's hands moved behind Cas' head while the other moved to wrap around his waist, pulling their hips together and tilting Cas' head so Dean could deepen the kiss.

"Let's just both survive tomorrow, okay?"

"I think that would be acceptable, yes."

Dean snorted and went back to lazily kissing Cas, walking them backwards to the bed and gently lowering him onto it, moving his arm along the length of Cas' back to lift him further up the bed and lay fully against him.

Castiel's arms snook under the bottom of Dean's shirt to lay against the warm skin of his back. He slid them up slightly and pulled Dean's shirts along with the movement as he rubbed patterns into the smooth skin, occasionally tracing where he knew a scar to be.

Dean smiled down at Cas, "sorry for getting this thing all scratched up after you put me back together," he mumbled, nuzzling at the skin under Castiel's jaw and nibbling lightly.

"It's okay," Cas sighed, "you're still perfect."

Dean laughed softly and sucked on the bit of skin where Cas' neck joined his shoulder, causing Cas to moan and arch into Dean's chest. Dean bit down lightly and ran his tongue over the spot, causing Cas' breath to hitch and the hands on his back to pull Dean closer.

Dean leant up and shrugged out of his shirt, pulling the tee underneath it over his head and throwing them both to the side before working his hands under Cas' and gently raking his nails down Cas' chest. Cas keened and arched into the touch, Dean grinned and pulled his shirt off in a smooth movement, throwing it into a pile with his own.

Castiel tugged Dean down and sighed at the skin to skin contact, he pulled Dean's mouth to his and kissed it deeply, causing Dean to groan and push closer to Cas, slotting one leg between Cas' and pushing into Castiel's crotch with his thigh.

Cas groaned and rocked his hips against the pressure, moaning louder as Dean rocked back and pressed his growing erection against Cas' hip. Dean's mouth caught Cas' again and bit gently at his lip, rolling it between his own as his tongue laved over the reddened flesh.

Dean reached between them and put a hand on Castiel's crotch, he rubbed gently and felt his cock get harder underneath the attention, tracing his finger around the shape of it and gently squeezing it through the jeans.

Quickly they undid each other's belts, pulling them out of the loops and dropping them to the side before fighting with the buttons to their jeans. Dean didn't help by shoving his hand into Castiel's boxers when he'd opened Cas' before Cas could open Dean's.

Castiel groaned at the feel of Dean's hand around him and dropped his head back on the bed, arching his back up and pumping his hips slightly in time with Dean's stroking. Dean watched him with an open mouth and licked at his lips as Cas gripped the sheets and gasped when Dean squeezed gently, Dean groaned and started mouthing at Cas' neck.

Cas finally managed to open Dean's fly and return the favour, his hand ghosting up the front of Dean's boxers before teasing its way under the waistband and around the erection they were (only just) hiding from view.

Dean hissed and bucked into Castiel's touch, pumping faster on Cas' cock as the other man matched his pace. They squeezed and stroked together as they mashed their lips together again, moaning into each other's mouths and sharing breath as one gasped and the other caught their breath.

Castiel worked his hands under Dean's jeans and squeezed his ass, pulling their hips closer together and causing their still clothed erections to rub together, Dean's hips stuttered slightly into Cas' as his hand squeezed again at the change of pressure.

"Off," Cas managed to pant, shoving Dean's jeans and boxers down slightly.

"Fuck yes," Dean moaned as he rolled off Castiel and shucked his jeans and boxers, Cas did the same next to him then rolled on top of Dean, straddling his hips and aligning their erections, rubbing them together to create friction and make Dean make the strangled sounds Cas loved so much. Dean moaned loudly and rocked his hips into Cas' grinding, his hands landing on Cas' hips and squeezing as Cas put his hands on Dean's shoulders and rutted against him greedily.

Dean flipped them and pressed Cas into the bed with his hips, rolling them slightly but not really moving, Cas moaned out Dean's name and Dean's hips stuttered, Cas hooked his legs behind Dean's thighs and pulled him closer, dragging his nails down Dean's back and arching his chest up to meet his. Dean groaned and pressed his lips to Cas' in a posessive kiss, nipping and sucking at Cas' lower lip and jawline as Cas gasped and moaned underneath him.

With a gentle touch Dean stroked his way down Castiel's side and gripped his ass, he massaged the muscle and slid teasingly close to the sensitive ring of muscle that was on show with how Cas was laying. Dean ghosted a touch over it and Cas gasped loudly and snapped his back into a tight arch.

"Again," he panted, "Dean, that, again," Dean chuckled and mouthed at Cas' neck again, repeating the movement and circling his way around the place Cas wanted him to touch, gently rubbing and massaging it until Cas was whining and keening, no longer able to say even simple words.

Dean moved his hand away and stroked up and down Castiel's side, gentling his whimpers with soft kisses and letting him come back down slightly, still rocking his hips gently into Cas' erection, which had started leaking precum as Dean massaged his hole.

"You okay there, angel?" Dean murmured in between kisses across Cas' jaw.

"Yes," Cas breathed into Dean's neck, "more of that, please Dean, more."

"You sure?" Dean nibbled gently at Castiel's earlobe, "don't wanna push you."

"Yes I'm sure," Cas whimpered as Dean stroked his side back towards his ass, "I just- oh Dean _yes_."

Dean had resumed his massaging of Cas' ring and was gently circling the hole with two fingers, Dean kissed his way down Cas' neck and nibbled along is collarbones, "can you wait, just a minute? I need to get something that'll make that better." Cas nodded but still whimpered at the loss of contact when Dean stood up, Dean chuckled and leant back down to place a firm kiss on Castiel's mouth, causing him to sigh when Dean moved away again.

In a few seconds Dean was back, after rummaging in his duffel and bringing back a bottle of clear liquid, Cas eyed it greedily, knowing that Dean kept lube in there sometimes for 'relief' on hunts when he couldn't be bothered to go out and find someone.

Which hadn't happened in a while... Not since... Cas' train of thought derailed as Dean squeezed a little along his index and middle fingers and used his thumb to coat them and warm up the gel, he squirted a bit more on and repeated the process before glancing up at Cas through his eyelashes, "ready, angel?" Cas nodded and held his breath as Dean leant forward, one hand resting by Cas' shoulder as Dean stared him in the eye, and the other going toward Cas's ass again and-

"Dean!" Castiel keened his name as Dean gently rubbed around the ring of muscle and pushed his finger in slightly, just breeching Cas and working in and out slowly, pushing further each time he moved in and taking longer to pull it back to the edge again.

Dean took his time with that one finger, letting it slide smoothly in and out with no resistance before he added the second, and started again from hardly entering at all to working his way up to the full digit. He watched the look on Cas' face, awe and pleasure and surprise all displayed evenly in the open mouth and closed eyes, and the soft moans Cas was letting out.

Cas arched up and moaned louder as Dean lay his hips on top of his again, rubbing their erections in some more of the lube before returning his fingers to Cas's ass, the slide of their skin smooth and even with the gel easing their way as Dean took control of the pace, matching the thrusts of his hips to the slide of his fingers.

He pushed in further and crooked his fingers, moving them around inside Cas in small circles, searching and gently rubbing along the walls with a soft pressure. Cas suddenly snapped taut and yelped, Dean grinned and repeated the movement rubbing over and around the bundle of nerves he'd managed to locate in gentle but firm circles, causing Cas to keen and arch into him, pushing their hips closer together as he did and moaning louder until Dean caught his lips in a gentle kiss.

Dean rocked his fingers over Cas' prostate and guided Cas' hand down to their erections, setting a pace with their hands circling them together as Cas' breath hitched and he moaned into Dean's mouth.

"Dean, I, can't," Cas whined as he encouraged Dean to speed up the pace on their cocks.

"Shh, it's okay, I've got you, come on, angel," Cas whimpered and bit his lip as he threw his head back, Dean mouthed at Cas' neck and bit down gently where it met Cas' shoulder again, Cas gasped and Dean moved to watch his eyes fly open and a deep moan leave his mouth as he came up their stomachs.

Dean felt the clenching inside Cas and groaned, the two of them still pumping him and Cas squeezed just as they reached the head of their cocks and-

Dean buried his head in Cas' shoulder and moaned as he came as well. He moved his fingers slowly out of Cas, who flinched and whimpered as they came free, and Dean kissed Cas in apology.

"Enjoy that?" he breathed.

Cas just nodded and looked at Dean with the same level of awe he always seemed to wear after they fucked. Dean smiled and kissed the corners of Cas' mouth, his forehead, nose, and then deeply on the mouth again before standing to get a cloth to clean them both with.

Dean ran the cloth under the warm tap for a few seconds before wringing it out and moving back to Cas on the bed, the angel hadn't even moved except to turn his head to watch Dean come back.

"Wow," Dean laughed at the still-blissed look on Cas' face and cleaned the mess from his chest gently but quickly, he wiped the bits that had got onto him and returned the wash cloth to the sink.

"Wow yourself," Dean grinned as he lay back down next to Cas on his side, propping his head on one arm and tracing his fingers gently up and down Cas' chest as Cas hummed happily and shuffled closer to Dean.

Dean threw one leg over one of Cas' and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, tucking the arm he had been leaning on under Cas' head and rolling Cas into his chest gently. He pulled the blanket over the two of them and settled with one arm around Castiel's waist and the other around his shoulders as he cuddled the slightly shorter man to his chest.

Castiel's breathing slowed to a steady pace and Dean smiled as Cas' hand twitched against his hip from where it had come to rest after Dean moved him. He kissed the top of Cas' head and Cas snuffled happily in his sleep, twisting his legs more with Dean's and smiling against Dean's chest.

Dean kissed him again for good measure and closed his eyes, welcoming the rest he knew he'd need.


	15. Tannia 8

October 12th 2012

Had a letter of apology from the Werewolf family at Dartmoor. That was weird.

They've also volunteered to keep in touch with anything they see out of the ordinary, which considering I shot their adoptive daughter I find a bit weird, I'm literally a stranger who shot a member of their family and they're saying sorry to me and offering to help...

I'm not even gonna try to puzzle that one out.

I think everyone went mad when Purgatory was opened.

* * *

November 1st 2012

Hallowe'en turned out to be a right freak fest this year, not had that in a while.

Seems like something twigged in a lot of different nasties that the best night for them to hunt would be Hallowe'en, when everyone is dressed up so no one would notice them.

Except for every Witch who was out on patrol that night just in case that happened.

Three Vampires, two Werewolves, four ghosts, and a serial killer dressed as Slenderman.

People are the worst creatures out there sometimes.

* * *

January 16th 2013

Sammandriel's dead now as well.

I wasn't as close to him as I was to Balthy, but seriously what the hell is going on with those angels. The last thing I heard from both Balthy and Sammi was that there's some sort of civil war going on in heaven which means that angels are killing each other to display their power.

I didn't even know there were as many factions of angels as I've found out there are.

This is insane.

What the hell is happening.

* * *

February 1st 2013

More angels have been appearing around here, some of them came because they knew we worked with Sammandriel and Balthazar and wanted to check we were okay, some because they wanted to torture us to get the weapons from Heaven back.

Hunters have taken to having ready drawn sigils on them, unfortunately the banishing one needs to be in blood but we can all carry others, ones that dull their powers and stuff, which is helpful.

Also holy oil in canteens. They know what it is when we open it though so we've gotta be either quick or sneaky, both of which I am.

Both of which some of the others weren't.

We've lost about 5 people the past week thanks to these dicks, but there's not much we can do but try and train anyone better.

If only we could figure out what it is that blocks them from seeing Witches...

* * *

April 20th 2013

We've sorted the angel problem, kinda. We managed to get a sort of spell that repels them made from the sigils we knew of, and most Hunters now have it as a tattoo.

There are many times I'm glad for my magic, and this is one of them. It helps me recognise patterns in sigils and be able to turn them into workable spells.

Also looking up a bit of Enochian didn't hurt, since half the tattoo design is Enochian words for shielding and protection. So everyone's safer. For now.

* * *

May 30th 2013

Everything just went to shit.

The last month has been busy trying to sort out and organise anyone who doesn't have the angel protection and get some form of it over houses of people who aren't Hunters, and now this.

Angels have lost their wings and are falling out of heaven.

Yep, you read that right. Angels have been cast out of heaven and are falling to earth like meteors.

A lot of them are pissed, but more of them are hurt. So all the bunkers that were formally for storing stuff in have been renovated and basically look like the pictures of World War hospitals.

Only with less deadness.

The angels can heal themsen, and they can still smite, they just can't fly. So we still need to be careful who we let in where, but we've got a system out.

They fell on the 15th. Or at least started falling on the 15th. They stopped about two days later.

Since we knew enough about them to not get factions mixed with each other, pretty much every bunker has a different faction in it. Unless those factions work together then they can mix.

Thank you Sammandriel.

Kinda miss you little guy.


	16. Bunker 8

Dean was very quiet the next morning. He barely spoke to Sam and Garth as they ran through the plan and checked over the weapons and sigils they were all going to be carrying.

Castiel frowned as Dean silently painted them onto his arms, back and chest, only mumbling 'keep still till they dry' after he'd done and moving away to get his drawn on by Garth. Cas pulled a face because he'd hoped he could do Dean's, he hovered around while Garth painted Dean's back carefully, making extra sure that Cas could see he was doing it perfectly.

Cas actually wanted to hug the short hunter for that. He wouldn't admit it though.

Sam quietly bundled Garth out of the room and flicked his eyes from Cas to Dean, raising his eyebrows, Cas smiled in appreciation then moved to help Dean pack the last of his share of the weapons.

"It will be okay, Dean." Dean sighed and set his shoulders, Cas put his hand on one and gently squeezed, rubbing across Dean's back gently and placing a gentle kiss on Dean's shoulder, "it will, I'll not be caught, I'll stay in the 'safe zone' and I'll never remove the sigils. When you're in the building I'll make sure to keep the focus on me and keep out of anyone's reach. I can still fight."

"Not angels though, Cas, you can't fight angels. You're _human_ right now, you can't fight something that's way out of your league."

Cas sighed and hugged Dean gently, Dean's hands grabbed at the back of Cas' shirt and he buried his head in Castiel's shoulder, inhaling deeply, "I've got you, Sam, and Garth looking out for me, we'll all be fine." Cas kissed Dean's head just behind his ear and moved away, "come on, the sooner we get this started the sooner we can get home."

Dean gave Cas a weak smile and grabbed his duffel roughly, Cas swung his own over his shoulder and moved outside to where Sam and Garth were already sat in the back of the Impala.

* * *

They parked up behind an outer building to the warehouse, making sure that the Impala was hidden from view unless you were specifically looking for it; and just hoped no one expected them to try anything like this.

Dean grabbed hold of Cas and kissed him quickly, "stay safe, okay?" Cas nodded dumbly as Dean smiled and kissed him again more gently, "I mean it."

"Same goes for you," Cas smiled and Dean rubbed his arm carefully as they turned to follow Sam and Garth to the edge of the building to peer at the warehouse.

"It looks like there's an opening over there," Garth pointed, "If you can sneak close enough there's a gap big enough for you to dive through and get into the angel-free bit, then just start shouting and screaming at Metatron and get as many angels as you can to pay attention to you while we sneak around the other side and get in to that back door. Just don't get caught."

Castiel nodded and moved away from the other three with a final squeeze to Dean's hand, he crept around the backs of the angels as Dean, Sam and Garth moved the other way.

With a deep breath Cas sprinted through the angels and skidded to a halt just inside the area where angels weren't able to get to, he felt a pang of sadness that he was let through as part of him had hoped that even without his grace he would still be classed as an angel and so unable to press past his siblings.

The angels he'd raced past shouted in anger as he dove through them and they realised who he was, Castiel stared at the warehouse and started to shout.

He shouted about how Metatron had tricked him, and how he was a disgrace to all angels, about how he was selfish and shallow, and an idiot who wasn't supposed to have as much power as he'd claimed for himself.

Castiel screamed about how he had been cast out from a family he was just trying to help, and how Metatron had failed them all in a way more epic than even Lucifer had ever managed to because at least Lucifer didn't take them all down and stay on his undeserved throne.

He was crying, and his words were broken, but he couldn't stop. Castiel just kept shouting, his voice cracking every few words and his breaths heaving from a chest that felt too tight. The angels stood around him had gone from staring at him in anger, to shock, to acknowledgement, to agreement.

The angels began to curse at Metatron along with Cas, they screamed at him to return Cas' grace and set everything right. They shouted at him to reverse the spell and let them all return home and heal properly.

Slowly they moved to stand behind Castiel as if they were his army, grouped as close as they could get to the barrier and Castiel stood three foot in front of them, he turned to stare at them in shock and awe as they began to scream for his grace to be returned, he saw faces from his own garrison as he remembered their vessels and many more he was sure he'd never met, their vessels giving no hints to their real names, yet they all stood with him.

All eyes were so trained on the warehouse and voices were raised so high that no one saw the figure approaching Castiel until he was a few feet away, then the alarm was raised.

Cas spun on the spot and dropped into a fighting stance as the figure froze at the combined fury of all the angels directed at her, Castiel heard a clattering by his foot and risked a glance as he saw an angel blade appear from one of the angels behind him.

He reached under the jacket Dean had bought him and pulled his own from his waistband, flicking it in a salute to the sibling who had leant him theirs in case.

"I do not wish to fight you, sister, Metatron has tricked us all, no matter his sweet words you cannot believe him. He does not want what is best for you, only what is best for himself."

The angel in front of him sneered, "he took us home, which is more than you can do, Castiel. Metatron let us walk through Heaven again, we could feel the welcoming pull of our home thanks to him."

Castiel jumped to the side as te angel in front of him jerked forwards, stumbling as though unused to actually moving. Castiel noted it was how he'd been when he first took over Jimmy's vessel, slightly uncoordinated and unbalanced. The angel righted her vessel and swung her sword at Cas again, who easily dodged it.

Castiel glanced at the angels outside of the barrier, they were pressed as close as they could without crushing one another and shouting encouragements to Cas, this gave him an idea. He feigned to dart away from the angels and the one fighting him followed, but he moved so he stood in front of the group instead and waited as the female angel righted her almost fall and turned to face him, glaring with unconcealed hatred.

Bending his knees and getting ready to spring, Castiel beckoned the angel forwards with a flick of his angel blade, the angel took the bait and dove at him. At the last second, Cas threw himself to the side and the angel went careening into the waiting mob.

Castiel saw the flash of a blade, "wait!" he shouted, "do not kill her, she is not to blame, we have lost many siblings, and too many of those in my name." The angel blade was lowered.

"What would you have us do, Castiel?"

"Bind her, stop her escaping, just do not harm her."

The angels looked amongst each other but did as they were asked. Drawing sigils onto ties and belts with what ever they had in the pockets of their vessels and binding the angel tightly in them before sitting her in as comfortable a position as they could manage. Castiel nodded with a grateful sigh.

"I am only one, Castiel. What do you think is going to happen to your hunters?"

"Dean.." Castiel breathed, they couldn't know they were here, could they? The sigils were supposed to hide them, what if Garth's vest wasn't as good as Castiel hoped it would be? What if Metatron had already found them? What if they were...

_"No."_ Castiel made himself stop thinking before he could panic, he whirled around and started shouting at Metatron again, racing towards the warehouse and using the fight with his sibling as his ammunition this time, trying desperately to keep focus off Sam, Dean and Garth, hoping with every piece of his faith that remained that they hadn't been caught.

* * *

Dean slowly lead the way forwards, Garth following him and Sam bringing up the rear. Garth had protested, saying he was less of a target if he went first but Dean wouldn't relent.

The three made their way down darkened corridors, sigils scratched onto bits of paper ready to be flung onto floors with holy oil and banishing herbs that Castiel had rescued from within the bunker before they set out two days previously.

The warehouse was worryingly deserted, the three hunters on high alert as they crept along the walls, peering around corners and keeping an eye behind them as each step took them further into the darkness but nothing stopped them from going forward.

"I don't like it," Dean whispered.

"Well I guess it means Cas is doing a good job," Garth replied a hint of pride in his hushed voice as they heard the muffled sounds of Castiel's shouting.

Dean nodded, remembering what Castiel was facing wasn't a good thing to keep his mind in the warehouse. Sam reached past Garth and squeezed Dean's shoulder, giving his brother an encouraging nod and smile as Dean glanced at him. Dean returned the smile briefly before peering around the next corner and spotting a stairwell.

"Do we go up?" he asked the two behind him, Garth shrugged and looked confused.

"I'd say yeah," Sam murmured, glancing around him, "it wouldn't really be wise to stay on the ground floor of this place, anyone could wander in. Humans can still get in the way. And squatters would probably stay down here rather than go upstairs, this place is decrepid. There's not even any shelves, so they'd probably use it as cover rather than to loot."

Dean nodded and moved to push the door open, he paused as he sucked in a breath through his nose and pushed sharply at the door, holding the side of it to stop it swinging too far.

The door made no sound as it opened, which though it was out of sorts for the state of the warehouse it boded well for Sam's assumption that Metatron would keep his base upstairs.

The three hunters slowly made their way upstairs and began to search the upper layer which ran half the length of the warehouse, wary for movement and noise to give away if anyone was actually there.

* * *

Castiel shouldered his way through the doorway into the warehouse, the door banging against the wall and his angel blade held loosely in his hand as he let his eyes adjust and rocked slowly on the balls of his feet, ready to dive out of the way if any one, or any thing, came at him from the murky depths of the warehouse.

Nothing seemed to move, so Castiel took a couple of tentative steps forwards, his entire body buzzing with awareness as he glared around him. He toed the door closed but left it propped open slightly in case he needed to get out fast and started down the hallways.

Hopefully Dean and the others were still at the other end of the warehouse.

Castiel followed the wall, hoping to find somewhere to hide or stand his ground as he had barged in to the middle of a corridor that opened out onto a wide space which should a have been filled with shelves, but even they were missing. There was next to no cover.

He glanced along the other direction of the corridor and saw a door. He pressed his lips into a line, he'd rather not get caught in a dead end. With a squint into the darkness to see if he could see anything moving he moved towards the open floor.

Cas peered around the corner and let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, the place seemed deserted.

Of course, that posed problems if it turned out that Metatron really wasn't here. Such as where did he keep Castiel's grace? Cas realised with a chill down his spine that Metatron could have easily hidden it in the infinity of Heaven, especially if the angel outside was telling the truth about Metatron letting them back into heaven. where Cas couldn't go without it to protect him.

Castiel missed his grace most because he couldn't tell who his brothers and sisters were, forget whether they were telling the truth or able to be trusted.

Cas rounded the corner into the open space and his head jerked back at a sound behind him as two angels rushed towards him, he wasn't sure where they came from but they were given away when they started to run, their feet noisily hitting the ground.

He dove out of their way and rolled back onto his feet, crouching and almost wishing he'd borrowed his sister's blade when she leant it him outside instead of kicking it back after they'd tied up the first one to rush him.

Sizing up the two angels Castiel knew he probably didn't have much of a chance, unless the wards on the warehouse were dulling their grace, and he sincerely hoped they were.

The two bodies flanked him, Castiel continuously turned to keep them both in his sight, not letting one behind him for more than a few seconds but they drew closer as he lost sight of them.

He smiled grimly at the realisation that it was a tactic he and Balthazar used to use.

One of the angels darted forward, not quite as fast as he may have been, and Castiel managed to use his angel blade to push the other away, the sharp metallic clang echoing around the large space.

His sister then chose to dive in as well, Castiel ducked and somersaulted out of the way, letting his siblings crash together and frowning as he spun around on the balls of his feet, the sigils had to be doing something or there was no way they'd be this clumsy.

The two angels shook themselves apart and the male one dove for Castiel again, this time Cas managed to block the blade then twist it sharply out of his brother's grasp and kick it away before it hit the ground, the silver metal soaring across the warehouse and landing with a clear note somewhere in the darkness. Cas kneed the angel in the stomach and again in the chest before shoving him away and meeting his sister's blade pointed at his throat.

Castiel feigned raising his hands and at his sister's smug smile, and lapse as she looked to their brother, he knocked her blade aside and punched her in the sternum. She stumbled backwards and gasped out a breath she didn't need to take, but must have been going to say something with, glaring at Castiel as their brother coughed up a slight amount of blood.

Something was definitely dampening their grace.

His sister had managed to keep hold of her blade and swung it relentlessly at Castiel, who leant backwards and took a step away in surprise before realising she meant to drive him into the wall a few feet behind him. With a glare Cas met one of her wild swings and punched her in the gut, shoving her backwards with both hands while she was distracted and moved further into the open space, keeping an eye on both of the angels as he did so while still listening out for others.

There had to be others. There can't be only three. Castiel's blood ran cold.

What if they'd found Dean, Sam and Garth?

He shook the thought away as his brother advanced, his blade forgotten wherever Castiel had kicked it and bounced gently on the balls of his feet.

"I do not want to harm you, brother, sister, please, my fight is with Metatron, not you."

His sister scoffed as his brother swung at him again, Castiel tried to block it but was shoved to the side with the force of his brothers swing. That was the first time either of them had actually made contact and Castiel could tell there was going to be a very large bruise on his arm from trying to stop the impact. His hand had gone almost numb from trying to catch the fist at the same time as protecting his side with the other arm.

His brother swung again while Castiel was still off balance, this time connecting to the side of Castiel's head and making stars shoot in front of Cas' eyes with pain flaring from the point of impact. He felt his lip split against his teeth and the ring his brother's vessel was wearing cut his cheek as it slid along Castiel's skin.

In a few seconds his sister was behind him with her blade pressed against his throat again, one of Castiel's arms twisted uncomfortably behind his back, "its a good job Metatron wants you alive, or I would cut away your flesh in ribbons for every sin you have committed and every one of our siblings that didn't survive the fall."

Castiel let out a soft cry as his blade was wrenched from his hand by his brother who held it with purpose as he glanced around him, looking for his own. For a few moments everything was quiet as the angel moved to get his own blade and carried one in each hand while he stalked back towards Castiel and their sister.

"He's waiting," the male vessel growled, teeth still slightly stained pink from the blood Castiel had made him cough up, with trails of it splattered down his brother's chin. The angel seemed to not care enough to wipe them away.

His sister nodded and pushed Castiel forwards by his bent arm, Cas let out a hiss of pain as the muscles and bones were twisted almost to breaking point and instead of resisting followed her lead. They took him back down the corridor he'd burst into and lead him up a set of stairs that were behind the door to the left of the one Castiel had entered by, the one Cas had disregarded in case it was a room.

Cas briefly wondered if they'd got one of the sigils wrong as his sister had a firm hold of his arm, before he realised that she was grasping the sleeve of his jacket and twisting it around Castiel's wrist. His hand was going even more numb now.

He could feel blood working it's way down his cheek and licked his lip, the pain was offset by the tang of iron across his tongue and Castiel resisted the urge to fight his sister, knowing it would end with him having at least a broken bone in his arm and maybe a dislocated shoulder from the way she held his arm across his back.

Castiel resigned himself to glaring at the back of his brother's head while they trudged through the dark warehouse.

Within a few minutes they were walking into a large room, Castiel scanned the walls and saw with relief that the only other person in the room was Metatron, but he didn't let it show on his face as he marked the door at the other end as a possible escape route, the only other things being windows that looked out over the open span of the warehouse below, and Cas didn't fancy going through one of them.

Though he was worried he would if Metatron gave the order to throw him.

The angel was sat behind a desk, surrounded by books and lounging in a comfortable looking chair, very reminiscent of when Sam and Dean had originally said they found him lord knows how long ago.

The only addition being vials and jars of herbs that stood in the shelves behind the angel's desk, Castiel squinted at them and wondered if they were what had opened a doorway into heaven.

Metatron watched Castiel glance around the room, and when his eyes narrowed at the jars Metatron turned around to see what he was looking at, a smile splitting the face of his vessel.

"Well done, Castiel, yes those are what I used to send our siblings home. Not that you'd care, of course, having thrown them out so unceremoniously.

"That was your doing," Castiel growled, "Do not hide behind lies for the sake of your image, Metatron. It will only be worse when the truth comes out."

"And who would they all trust, Castiel?" Metatron's grin widened, "me, who can get them all back into heaven? Or you, a being who is now nothing better than an ant that we can crush in the blink of an eye when he was one of the best things that could ever hope to exist."

"I have seen more honour in humans than I have ever seen in you." Castiel spat out, earning him a punch to the stomach from his brother, who thankfully restrained his strength or he may have done more damage than just winding Cas.

Metatron tutted and shook his head, a pout now theatrically placed on his face, "now, now Cas, how is that attitude going to get you your grace back?" Castiel glared at Metatron through his eyelashes, still bent over and trying to catch his breath, "oh yes, you'll get it back. How else am I going to send everyone home and be the unsung hero? Or very, VERY loudly sung hero, as the case will be. Metatron: saver of Heaven. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Metatron finished, clapping his hands together and smiling again.

"You are as deluded as Uriel was when he tried to get angels to side with Lucifer."

Metatron put a hand over his heart and gasped loudly, pushing his back into the chair and allowing his mouth to open wide. Castiel straightened up slightly, his stomach aching and his cheek and lip throbbing in pain.

Metatron started laughing as Castiel's glare deepened, "oh Castiel. Castiel, Castiel, Castiel. Cas."

"You do not get to call me that," Castiel growled as he tried to surge forward, his sister's grip on his jacket pulling painfully on his shoulder as he snarled to hide his pain.

"Oooh touchy. Good though, it's a horrible, _human_ thing for the glorious name that our father gave you. It's good you don't want us to call you it, at least you know we are different to them."

"Yes, you are different to them as they are infinitely better than you wi-" Castiel gasped as his brother slapped him across the face, his nails scraping at Castiel's hairline and drawing blood to run down the opposite side of his face.

His brother then punched him in the stomach again before Metatron tutted again and stood up, telling his brother to stop, "what drove you to come here on your own, Castiel?"

Castiel felt relief flood through him, but covered it with a groan as he coughed slightly, gasping for breath again, leaning forward more to hide his face until he could school his face again. Thankfully the three angels seemed content to let him have that moment.

When his breathing was normal he saw his brother move to his side, and felt a hand tangle itself in his hair and yank it backwards. Castiel hissed in pain and blinked away the tears that formed as he glared at Metatron again, his lip split back open from the slap to his face and blood trickling from the gouge marks in his temple from where his brother had scratched him.

"This is all very primitive, isn't it," Metatron feigned scolding the two angels that held Castiel. His sister had kept his arm twisted but had moved to the side, so as not to be directly behind Castiel. Cas blinked as he realised she'd done that and sheathed her angel blade, he had a moment of panic wondering what that meant before the door opposite burst open.

* * *

Dean, Sam and Garth edged their way into the stairwell when a bang from the other end of the warehouse interrupted the silence of the warehouse.

"What do you think that was?" Garth asked after he calmed down from the sudden noise.

"Coulda been anything," Dean responded, hand twitching towards his phone to check on Cas but resisting so as to not give them away.

"Cas'll be fine, Dean," Sam murmured with confidence, "we've just gotta keep going."

Dean nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened to suffocate him at the thought of Cas being in danger. He lead the way up the stairs and glanced carefully around the bend in the staircase before signalling for Garth and Sam to follow him.

The three of them heard a sound like twos metal pipe hitting each other from somewhere below them on the main floor of the warehouse and froze, they glanced over their shoulders and strained their ears listening for anything else, after no more sounds drifted to their ears they all collectively let out their breaths, then smiled and snorted at each other for all holding their breath in the first place.

A few moments later the sound of a metal pipe hitting the floor reached them and they nervously glanced about, it almost sounded like the warehouse was falling apart. Dean surged forwards and glanced around the door at the top of the stair well, there was another open bit of space with a few chairs in, and an old vending machine at one end.

A few feet in front of them was another door in the middle of the wall that ended what seemed to be a lunch area. Dean glanced behind him and jerked his head at it, raising his eyebrows at Sam who set his jaw and nodded. Dean glanced at Garth and the shorter hunter nodded too, seemingly picking up quite easily on what Dean had asked.

The three of them crouched low and made their way across the floor of the canteen, shuffling quietly towards the door and standing on either side of it, Dean on one side and Sam and Garth on the other. Dean took a deep breath and peered through the window of the door, squinting through the dusty glass and squinting as he saw a male angel slap someone a female one was holding to her right, then punch them in the stomach.

Dean heard a muffled voice, and managed to make out the voice to be Metatron's, but the figures were at the other end of the room so he couldn't tell what was actually said. He saw Metatron move to the left of the angel who'd punched whoever it was the other was holding, and heard a cough before the male angel moved out of the way to reveal Castiel.

Dean hissed and Sam peered into the room next to him, Dean heard Sam suck in a sharp breath through his nose and felt his brother's eyes slide to him. Dean set his jaw and took another deep breath as Cas' head was pulled backwards by his hair and Dean saw blood trickling down his face as Castiel glared at Metatron.

They heard Metatron say something else, and Dean saw a moment of panic flit through Cas' eyes but disappear as soon as it appeared, Dean let out a low growl and moved away from the door, Sam stepped out of the way and held Garth back as Dean kicked open the door and rushed through.

In a blurry of movement Dean threw an angel blade at the one who'd hit Cas as Sam threw one at the female angel, both blades hit their mark directly in the centre of their chest as Garth slammed an anti-flight sigil into the floor and a white light spread out from a circle around him, seeming to fizz as it hit Metatron and the angel ground his teeth together with a snarl.

"Oh very, very clever," Metatron seethed as the ashes of his two employees stained the wall and floor after they died. Castiel sagged slightly and rubbed at his shoulder before picking up his blade and gripping it tightly.

"You didn't need to kill them, Dean," Cas chided softly, but with a smile of thanks in Sam and Dean's direction.

"Yeah well, you're welcome," Dean grinned back then glared at Metatron, "so, douchebag to end all douchebags, Cas' grace. Give it back now and we might let you live. If not I hope your wings look pretty on fire."

Metatron sighed as Sam and Garth sketched out more sigils on the doors, to reduce angel strength and stop other angels coming in in case Metatron had more henchmen running around outside. Cas stood to his left with his blade raised slightly, ready to use it if he needed to and Dean stood with his arms crossed and glared at Metatron.

"Well all you needed to do was ask." Metatron moved to his desk and opened his drawer, he pulled out a vial of blue, glowing light and Sam stared at it in awe, Garth's mouth dropped open and a small 'oh' escaped him.

Dean raised his eyebrows and looked at Cas, "feel like yours, Cas?" Cas stared at the bottle with a strange look on his face, he breathed out a 'yes' as Dean nodded, "okay, put it on the desk and move away, or you're gonna get a blade to the chest too." Dean nodded at Garth who pulled another blade out of his waistband and handed it to Sam, Sam glared at Metatron as the angel sighed dramatically and placed the vial on the desk.

"Now move away," Sam said, his voice clearly stating to not argue.

Metatron raised his hands and moved away, Castiel moved forwards and picked up the vial gently, he cradled it in his hand before stabbing his blade into the table and holding the vial up to the light, examining it carefully, "there's some missing, and it feels, strange." he stated, his voice clipped.

"Of course there is," Metatron said brightly, brushing away the strange comment, "I had to use some of it to close the gates. Not much though, you can grow it back in no-" Metatron was cut short as Castiel dove at him and punched him.

"Your sick pleasure in the violation of my grace is not something that is appreciated," Castiel growled, "how do we reverse the spell."

Metatron signalled at the desk as he gripped his nose where blood was flowing from it, "there's the incantation in there."

Den narrowed his eyes at Metatron as Castiel turned around and began to rifle through the drawers, pulling out bits of paper and squinting at them before setting them to one side. He found what he was looking for a few moments later and read through it slowly.

"How do we do this?" Dean asked as he moved closer to Cas.

"You say the incantation, then open the vial and he will absorb his grace again."

Sam pursed his lips, "you're being too helpful, what else is there?"

"Nothing!" Metatron looked offended, "I was going to reopen the gates of heaven for all by doing this myself. But now you're going to right the wrong you created, it's slightly more poetic, don't you think?"

Sam narrowed his eyes and glanced at Cas, "does it seem legit?"

"I can find no fault in the spell, or his reasoning," Cas murmured, reading through the spell again, "though same as you I am not inclined to trust him."

Metatron made a disgruntled noise and Dean glared at him, Metatron held up his hands then clasped them together in front of him, the picture of well-behaved.

Castiel glanced between the grace held in his hand, the spell, and Metatron and lay the spell on the table, he looked between Sam, Garth and Dean, and his eyes rested on the older brother, "if this doesn't work, if this kills me or looks like it will be dangerous, get out of here. Kill Metatron and leave." Dean opened his mouth to argue but Cas held up his hand, "promise me, Dean. Please."

Dean's mouth snapped shut and he nodded, his eyes widening slightly with the thought that he might have to keep the promise. Castiel's eyes softened in response and he looked back to the paper in front of him.

Enochian words filled the space around them, spoken in Castiel's human voice they didn't hurt, but the three humans felt the hairs on their arms stand up, and a strange tingling seemed to fizz through their veins as Castiel spoke. The words grew stronger and more forceful as Castiel got further down the page, and stopped suddenly as the spell ended. Cas glanced at Dean who nodded, then opened the vial and let the blue light flow into his mouth.

Castiel's eyes started to glow the familiar blue of his angelic powers and he took a deep breath as the words on the paper began to glow gold, Dean was staring intently at Cas so didn't see the subtle shift in Metatron's figure until it was too late, then shouted as he saw a flash of silver appear to fly towards Cas when Metatron jumped forward.

Cas spun around and stabbed Metatron in the chest, Metatron dropped his blade and sagged slightly, looking down at the silver sticking out from his chest as Castiel's eyes stopped glowing and he suspended Metatron a few inches off the ground.

"But, the sigil-" Metatron gasped as Cas lifted him higher.

"How stupid do you think I am that I didn't write mine to stop the ones being detrimental affecting me?" Castiel swung Metatron into the ground and Sam, Garth and Dean had to shut their eyes as the angel died, his wings scorching the floor below him as he let out a choked cry.

Dean surged forwards as Cas slowly stood up while cringing slightly and gripped his face in both hands, searching it for the injuries dealt to him previously and seeing no trace of them. Dean laughed slightly and pulled Cas into a brief kiss. Castiel smiled and stepped back, putting his hand on Dean's cheek and glancing at the other two.

"Thank you, all. So very much."

"How do you feel, Cas?" Sam smiled.

"I feel... Like me again." Garth clapped and whooped, "I must tell my siblings it is safe for them to return home," Castiel moved slowly and carefully out of Dean's grasp and they heard the tell-tale flap of feathers as he disappeared from in front of them.

Dean turned to Sam and Garth with a grin on his face, Garth was babbling happily about how awesome that was and he couldn't wait to get back to the bunker to look at more Enochian things now he saw how well they worked, Sam grinned at his brother then a worried look crossed his face.

"Dean, are you hurt?"

"What, no," Dean clanged down and saw blood on his shirt, "Cas..." he breathed then ran out of the room and down the stairs, Sam and Garth following closely, Garth's babbling stopping as he realised what was going on.

They reached outside and found Castiel laying on the ground and the other angels nowhere to be seen, he'd apparently managed to tell them heaven was open again before collapsing.

Dean felt his blood run cold as he saw the crumpled shape of Cas laying on the floor, he and Garth ran over to Cas as Sam took the impala's keys and dashed to retrieve her.

"Cas, CAS!" Dean called as he got near him, he skidded to a halt and collapsed next to Castiel, gently turning him over and seeing Cas' hands clamped over what seemed to be a large gash across his stomach and chest, Dean went pale as Garth started to help Cas put pressure on the wound and Dean cradled Cas' head on his knee.

The roar of the Impala made Dean's head snap up, and he carefully picked Cas up and slid him into the back seat as Sam opened the door. He and Garth sat in the back, Garth still putting pressure on the gash as Dean spoke to Cas to try and wake him up.

Castiel's eyes never opened, but he smiled softly as Dean babbled nonsense to him as squeezed his hand. Sam occasionally glanced at them through the mirror but mostly stared at the road as he fumbled with his phone to call Charlie.

The drive to Wyoming had taken them six hours because Garth insisted Dean stuck to the speed limit; Sam, however, floored the Impala on the way back, meaning they got to the bunker in just under three hours to Charlie and Kevin stood outside watching for their arrival and both looking worried.

They'd laid clean towels over Dean's bed at Sam's instruction, leaving needles, thread, gauze and bandages on the desk which they'd carefully cleared of all Dean's stuff.

The others moved out of the way when Dean carefully picked Cas up out of the car, Charlie fussing over how he was holding him and Kevin dancing from foot to foot as he always did when he was nervous.

"Get the door, Kevin," Sam said gently as he and Garth got out of the car too, Kevin jumped but rushed to open the doors in front of Dean, then Charlie took over door opening duty as Kevin walked in front of Dean helping him support Cas' weight going down the stairs and laying him on the bed gently.

Dean sat by Castiel's head as Sam carefully cleaned and stitched up the wound on Cas' stomach, it had shrunk slightly and didn't seem to be as deep, and wasn't bleeding any more.

Garth reported that there was no blood on the seat of the impala and Dean nodded, staring at Cas' face and squeezing Cas' hand, he watched the angel's closed eyes and noticed the slight rise of his chest as he sighed slightly. Sam had rubbed numbing cream carefully into the sides of the gash before he stitched it up to make it less uncomfortable and when he was done he taped gauze over the top of it.

Sam ushered Charlie, Kevin and Garth out of the room as Dean started to wipe Cas' face with a cloth. The skin was slightly heated and there was a thin sheen of sweat over Cas' forehead.

Dean carefully stripped Cas out of his clothing aside from his boxers and moved the towels from under him, he slid the cover over Cas' legs and waist as he gently sponged cold water over his face and torso.

"Come on, Cas, you promised you wouldn't leave," Dean ran his finger over the silver ring that was still around Cas' neck, "you can't leave me, not now. Not after all of this. Please, Cas, don't go." Dean sniffed and wiped at his face, the tear that had escaped his eye glistening on the back of his hand as he lay down on top of the covers, still dressed.

Dean stared at Cas for a while before feeling his eyes start to sting, he signed and stood up, stripping down to his boxers and moving under the covers next to Cas.

"Please just be okay, Cas. I'm begging okay, and you know I don't do that without good reason. I need you to stay with me, you're the only one I look for when things go wrong 'cus you're the one who always comes along and makes them right at the last minute. I need you around, man. Please don't leave me now," Dean's voice broke slightly and he snapped his mouth shut and gulped. Picking up the cloth again he wiped across Castiel's face and neck, "I need you to stick around, okay. I need us to grow old together, even though you can't grow old now I guess, and I'm sorry for anything I've ever done or said that hurt you. I never meant to, I was just scared you'd leave, y'know? And I'm sorry for not believing you when you said you wouldn't leave, I believe you, Cas. So come on, prove to me that I'm right to believe you. Please."

Dean put the cloth back in the bowl of water and lay back down beside Cas, he felt drained, and his whole body sagged into the mattress and pillow as his eyes drifted closed.

"Please Cas," he slurred, "I love you, don't leave me alone."


	17. Tannia 9

June 5th 2013

It's been about three weeks since the Angels stopped falling and it's getting a little tense now, a lot of them have decided to stay in the bunkers and make them into a sort of station, it's quite weird.

We've got people guarding them at every hour, and there's literally sign in books for everyone and no one is allowed to be unaccompanied.

We pulled this in 'cus a lot of Angels are trying to sneak into other faction's places and cause havoc, there's already been a few all out war-level brawls between them.

It's actually terrifying. Us Witches can just about stand up to Angels but humans? No chance. We're practically the only protection anyone has at the moment and we're still no match for the really pissed off Angels who don't care who they're hurting as long as they can get to their goal.

Which is mostly killing any Angel who isn't a part of their faction.

I don't get it, these guys should be working together to get back home, but all I hear are shouts about a guy called 'Metatron' and a lass called 'Naomi' and people fighting for one or the other.

We're clueless and not getting any insight from anyone.

* * *

June 7th 2013

Remember I said things were tense? Yeah, that's an understatement.

Things are so bad you can cut the air with a knife. Weirdly this is actually a thing that I've tried, much to the confusion of most of the angels. I miss Balthazar. Though I've learned that if you use an Angel blade you can actually stab through ozone apparently.

That was a weird conversation.

But yeah, every angel is basically vibrating to get back home, there are a few who've been here before are travelling to America to try and get the guy who did it. There's mentions of a guy, or Angel I guess, called Metatron who kicked them all out with the help of another Angel called 'Castiel'.

Not sure how much of that is true, 'cus one of the more major arguments (that ended with two dead angels and three injured ones) was about how this Castiel would never do that, but had also killed a load of Angels when he became god a while ago.

I don't even know how to process that.

I'm sure I've read Castiel about in those Winchester Gospels, though, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have helped kick his siblings out of Heaven, so I'm a little dubious.

* * *

June 9th 2013

You'll never guess what happened. They've gone back. I'm gonna get whiplash. Seriously.

Two weeks of madness with Angels falling then having to be treated and patched up and separated into factions and controlled so they didn't kill everything around them, and it's over. Just. Like. That.

Jesus christ.

It was weird, just all the Angels suddenly stopped as if they were listening to something and then broke out into smiles and cheers and just... Went.

Some went with their vessels, and some just lay their vessels down and then left them. Streams of blue-white light just soaring upwards through everything and leaving piles of people comfortably tucked into the beds that we'd provided for when they were injured.

A few stopped behind to help us clean up and move all the bunkers back to how they were before, and the tale is that Castiel killed Metatron and reversed the spell, so that dispelled a lot of rumour that he was the one to do it in the first place.

Which is nice, I wanted to have faith in the guy. He seems like he just tries his best but always gets screwed over by others from what I remember from the Gospels.

It also makes him and those brothers celebrities of the Hunting world, sorta. Apparently most people in America know not to fuck with the Winchesters or anyone associated with them. They sound like they'd be good allies and contacts to have.

I need to get in touch with that Garth lad, see if he can get them to cooperate.

But yeah, no more Angels in our bunkers. I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm supposed to do now 'cus I was overseeing everything.

Literally. Because I'd been friends with Balthazar and Sammandriel I was put in charge of the entire operation.

Now there's nothing for me to do apart from go back to Hunting how it was done before. Though now I have an Angel blade to add to my arsenal, a friend of one of the angels that got killed gave hers to me, he told me she'd want me to have it because I was "doing an admirable job of keeping everyone separate, and accidents like the one that got her killed were bound to happen with there only being limited space. She wouldn't hold it against me".

Praise from an Angel is something you don't really get over. I'm still reeling. I can't even remember the name of the Angel who's blade I have. There were just so many. Both who I interacted with and who died...

* * *

June 30th 2013

I need a break. Though not one from Hunting, if anything I need to be completely buried in Hunts now to have something to do. Teaching is all well and good, but really.

I'm 27. I've faced Hell breaking open, an apocalypse, creatures from Purgatory, Angels, and the near collapse of Heaven. I've had nearly ten years of hunting and farse, and keeping up a normal life aside from that.

Sometimes I wonder if the American, nomad way of Hunting would be better, 'cus then you just take Hunts as they come along and don't have to worry about having time to yoursen after stuff like this 'cus you can go wherever you want and the travel between Hunts is your down time.

I just... I want to try it. I wanna go travelling and Hunt in different places. I get to go further afield in Britain now 'cus I consult on a lot of things, especially Angel related things, but it's not the same, y'know?

I've survived everything that's been thrown at me and now it's so quiet it's almost driving me mad.

I'm not wishing for another supernatural related disaster, but if I'm honest... I kinda miss the apocalypse. There was stuff to do and people to save and it was just all go. Sitting about with nothing to do is something I just can't go back to doing after being so busy for the last five years.

Like, sure there've been lulls in between everything, but this was a really easy clean-up. Literally just calls to make sure things were all back to how they were and after the resounding 'yes' it was back to teaching kids their magic and organising Hunting exams.

And I'm bored of it already.

* * *

July 20th 2013

So things got a little busier there, things realised that Angels weren't about again and went on a bit of a binge, but there's been nothing for a few days now so we think we've calmed them down again.

Angels might be gone but I think they forgot we were still here since for the three weeks the Angels were all fallen then just smited (just smite? Smote? I don't even know.) everything that crossed their path which wasn't human. Or Witch, they actually waited to see what type of Witch people were, that was quite interesting to watch.

They have a way of checking your soul. Yep, you read that right. I forgot to mention it before, but Angels can like, reach inside you and feel your soul to see what kind of person you are. It's not the most comfortable of things, speaking from experience there.

But I guess it's encouraging to know that the walking nuclear power stations aren't just totally hellbent on destroying everything that isn't them.

I mean, I knew not all of them did 'cus of Balthy and Sammi, but some of the things Balthy said made it sound like they were all 'smite now ask questions later' rather than giving the benefit of the doubt.

Unless Sammi managed to tell them that not all Witches were bad so they needed to be careful... Maybe that was it.

* * *

August 1st 2013

I actually think I'm going mad.

I've been teaching magic and organising hunts and taking out ghosts and it all just feels so... Dull.

At one point I would have loved this, just the ability to get rid of a few White Women or a poltergeist wreaking havoc on a poor family; but now I just feel so bored with it all.

I'll not stop, don't get me wrong. I've been in this line of work for so long that I couldn't just up and leave now. I just feel rather disenchanted with the majority of hunting life because of everything that's happened.

We've got almost constant communication going with Angels, now. A few that we kept safe occasionally pop down to help us with stuff or to give us bits of info about something they'd seen.

They're working on rebuilding Heaven and fixing what that Metatron bloke broke, apparently there's a way to recover the Angels that turned to ether after they fell and couldn't find a body, and that's a very big deal 'cus that means that the Angels can have their families back.

Apparently there's some sort of treaty thing that's going on up there too, factions are stopping the wars between each other to help rebuild Heaven together and get their siblings back so they're realising how stupid they were to fight in the first place.

It's nice to know that even millennia old beings can learn something new.

* * *

August 14th 2013

Had a Vampire nest to take out, that was reasonably fun 'cus it took a week's worth of planning before we went and raided it.

Busy for a week and then back to nothing. Again.

Sometimes I wonder if there's too many of us, I know a lot of people got back into the quiet life a lot quicker than others, and I'm not even sure if anyone else still misses it.

I just don't understand how people are so happy to settle for what they had before when they've had experience of other things. It's kinda scary how people settle for the same-old after massive events.

Though I guess it's a coping thing? I dunno. Probably is.

But it's just... I can't keep settled like this. I need to do more. I know I CAN do more than what I'm doing, I've proved it to mysen and to everyone around me and I just... I need to keep doing that amount of 'more'.

There's talks of sending some people abroad to help with things over there, 'cus as far as we can tell England is the only place that has actual structure to their hunting network, everywhere else it's a secret underground thing with no one to manage them.

If the chance comes up, I'm gonna jump on it. The travelling and change of scenery might make this easier.

* * *

September 1st 2013

I've put my name in the Goblet of Fire, hoping to be chosen as champion for my area.

Well, I mean I've put my name down as a volunteer to go to America. But it might as well be the Goblet of Fire. It's a trial thing and it's gonna be dangerous and the amount of Hunters that America has lost...

Yeah, definitely the Goblet of Fire.

Except it wasn't a goblet.

Or even a cup.

It was a piece of paper to sign saying I wanted to go and a form to fill in regarding my Hunt numbers and specialities.

It took a while.

But I'm now in with the chance of going to America to hunt over there, and find the guy that killed Balthy, and just get a general change of scenery.

Here's hoping I get sent over soon.

* * *

September 26th 2013

We just had more Wendigo! Three in different parts of the country. People thought it was the same one that just migrated to where the pickings were easiest 'cus none of the Hunting schedules matched up with a proper pattern, turns out they're getting smarter to how we work and mucked up their own hibernation lengths to throw us off.

It's a bit worrying when the things you're Hunting are working out how you do things and adapting. So now we're adding 'scouring mines and caves for Wendigo' to a regular check on areas.

Ofc it's actually known as 'adapting surveillance routines' but it's literally just checking mines and caves. There's some that get checked regularly anyways, like there's this cave not too far from Leeds which is a school educational trip thing, I can't remember the name of it now but I went there in primary school (let's not think about how long ago that was).

It's a mine that's been closed for ages, like most of them here now have been, but it's stable enough for kids to be taken down into and see what it was like to work in that kinda situation, I really liked it! Aside from the knowledge that it would be the perfect place for a Wendigo to live. But then I found out that on every shift there was a Hunter to make sure there wasn't one hiding in the bits that you couldn't really get to.

And there's always been a hunter in every office for those who go caving and stuff, but there's been a few more added to the shifts over there too, there's always gonna be three working at any one time just to be on the safe side.

* * *

September 30th 2013

The place was the National Coal Mining Museum.

How the hell did I forget that name jfc. It's like the most obvious name ever.

* * *

October 13th 2013

I got a heads up that there's gonna be a load more trips to America, there's smth fishy apparently going on over there and a couple of scouts have been sent over there to get a bit more intel to see what we're dealing with.

If it's Witchy or Angely I'm the person at the top of the list to go over there.

Finally.

* * *

October 20th 2013

Yep, it's Witchy, I'm going to America bitches.


	18. Bunker 9

Dean woke the next morning when the sun streamed through the window and into his face.

He glanced around the room before letting his eyes rest on Castiel, not really wanting to know what he'd see.

Cas was breathing.

Dean wasn't sure what that meant.

Hopefully it was just because he'd been human for so long (okay, so it was just under a month, who was counting) that he was used to it now, because angels didn't breathe, but him breathing meant he was alive...

Maybe it was a subconscious thing to stop Dean from worrying?

Dean smiled slightly and moved the covers back from Cas' chest, the outsides of the gash across his abdomen had healed, which was also a good sign. Though his face looked very pale, as did the rest of his body aside from the centre of where the stitches met.

With a sigh Dean got up and wrapped himself in a dressing gown, he padded to the bathroom and got fresh water and a clean cloth to clean Cas with when he returned to his room.

He probably spent too much time leaning with his hands against the sink and head bowed for it to be possible for him to pretend he wasn't as worried as he was.

Edging quietly back into the room Dean took in the damage to Castiel's body. There were no bruises or cuts on his face any more, and seemingly no injuries anywhere else aside from the final one Metatron managed to give before Cas killed him.

If he was covered up you could barely tell he was hurt, and aside from looking a bit sickly he looked completely fine.

Dean set his jaw and moved towards the bed, he carefully cleaned the edges of the cut and cut away the stitches that weren't needed any more, wiping anti-sceptic over the bits that were still healing after he'd cleaned the whole thing gently.

He noted that when they'd first got Cas into the back of the Impala the gash had gone from one hipbone to the bottom of his ribs on the other side, it had healed about an inch on either end, and for a human that would have probably been fatal with how deep it seemed to be.

Surely since it was done with an angel blade it should have been fatal to Cas too. Dean just hoped it was something to do with the spell that Cas had said before he took his grace back into his body that was keeping him alive.

And would continue to do so.

He hoped.

He was doing a lot of that lately.

Dean ran the cloth gently over Castiel's face and then placed a chaste kiss on his lips, "come on, Cas, wake up. Please wake up."

He watched him for a few more minutes before going to find the others.

The main room looked like the library had thrown up all over it.

Charlie was asleep on a book on the table, Sam was drinking a cup of coffee (and from the look of him it wasn't the first, and wouldn't be the last if he was going to keep functioning), Garth was running around waving bits of paper about and Kevin was eyeing him warily and had seemingly barricaded what he was doing behind a few chairs and a smaller table.

Dean watched Garth waving bits of paper around and babbling to himself and raised his eyebrow at Kevin.

"He's had a lot of caffeine," the younger man said, continuing to watch the scrawny hunter race backwards and forwards across the room as Sam blinked and nodded occasionally with something he'd said.

"Hey, your majesty," Dean said while gently shaking Charlie awake, "come on, you won't like anything if you don't get some proper rest, and your back will hate you for sleeping like that for too long."

"'M 'kay," Charlie mumbled as she woke up and sat straight again, rubbing at her eyes and yawning, "'at time 'sit?"

"Time for you to go to bed," Dean gave a soft smile as Charlie snorted and shoved at his arm, but yawned again, "don't make me carry you."

"'M not going till Cas is okay." Charlie tried to glare at him, but ruined the effect by having to blink a few times to focus.

"Yeah, okay," Dean picked Charlie up bridal style, to a small squeal, and carried her to her room. He deposited her on her bed and pointed a finger at her sternly, "sleep. We can fix this but not at the expense of you burning yourself out too."

"Tell that to Garth," Charlie mumbled as she sunk into her bed, "pretty sure the guy's gonna combust."

"He'll crash soon, the guy stops pretty quick after a certain amount of caffeine. I'll make sure he gets some rest too," Dean said raising his hands as Charlie opened her eyes to glare at him again.

Dean pulled the blanket over her and stroked her hair slightly, "get some rest, okay? Don't make me worry about you too."

"Okay, mom," Charlie smiled slightly at Dean, who gave her a fond smile in return and kissed the top of her head before leaving to go back to the living room to find Garth had finally sat down and was blinking in a seemingly deliberate way.

Kevin was still watching him warily.

Dean sat down in a chair next to Sam and Sam pushed a few pieces of paper with scribbles of sigils and Enochian words towards Dean without a sound, who took them and read through them carefully. From Sam's translations there were a lot of healing and energising sigils woven together with the words to create as much of a spell as they could with the limited time.

"The more Enochian we get in there, the better. I think," Sam said gently, "Cas'll probably pay a lot more attention to us speaking to him in that than he will to any other language."

"Me, I'll be the one speaking it."

"Dean, Charlie's bett-"

"I said I'll be doing it." Dean set his jaw and glared at Sam, the younger brother held up the hand that wasn't holding his coffee mug and sighed to show he'd back down.

"How is Cas?" Kevin asked quietly from behind his fort of chairs, he'd gone back to studying the tablet while only occasionally glancing at Garth who'd begun to blink more rapidly while staring at a piece of paper.

Upside down.

Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face, he leant back against the back of he chair and closed his eyes. Sam shoved his cup of coffee at Dean and Dean took it without opening his eyes and took a drink, handing it back to Sam after he'd taken another gulp of the lukewarm liquid.

He quickly explained about the gash healing at the edges and looking like it was doing okay and mentioned Cas breathing, to which both Sam and Kevin expressed his thoughts of Cas maybe doing it because he was used to it now, Garth just made a mumbling noise of agreement and waved at Sam and Kevin.

Sam looked amused while Kevin looked slightly terrified.

"I don't get it," the prophet said, tearing his eyes away from Garth and back to Dean and Sam, "if he's healing then why is he like that?"

"Probably because of how severe the cut was," Sam said, glancing at Dean, "dude, it was big enough to almost cut him in half." Dean let out a grunt and pushed his hands to his eyes, that image would be burned into his eyes for way too long, "besides," Sam gave him a sympathetic look, "Metatron said he had to use some of his grace to do the spell, maybe that's slowing it down?"

"Or it could be a spell on his blade," Garth said, looking up suddenly and blinking rapidly before his eyes focussed.

Kevin jumped at the sudden movement but frowned, "it's a possibility... Yeah. Maybe we should think about adding something to that," Kevin waved his hand at the spell in Dean's hand, "to counter it, though it'll be harder to do without knowing what he did to his blade."

Sam frowned at the papers on the table next to him and glanced between them and his laptop, "we could add things to remove damage, maybe something to counteract... No that'd just stop the sigils we use from working... Though I bet Metatron had to have some sort of exception sigil somewhere..." Sam pulled his laptop towards him and started flicking through screens, Dean watched them flick past each other in a blur before blinking and looking away.

Kevin had gone back to the tablet, scribbling away using his and Charlie's new code breaker alphabet and occasionally moving onto a different piece of paper to continue the scribbles on a different section.

Garth had moved to the middle of the floor and had bits of paper around him which he sat cross-legged in the centre of and moved about with what looked to be a purpose of organisation, he'd managed to get himself another cup of coffee and had already downed half of it.

"Is there anything I can do?" Dean asked hesitantly, everyone but him seemed able to do something and he felt a bit helpless.

Sam glanced at him in sympathy, "go check on Cas, we've got this. He'll need someone there for him."

Dean nodded and stood up quickly, Kevin glanced at him and raised his eyebrow but Dean didn't notice in his rush to get back to Castiel.

"I see what you meant before," Kevin murmured to Sam, Sam looked at him in confusion, "about not knowing what Dean'd do if Cas didn't come back okay." Sam sighed and pulled a face to show he knew what Kevin meant too.

* * *

Dean took a deep breath before opening the door to his room, he slowly walked through the threshold and ran his eyes over Castiel, the angel looked flushed, and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on his chest and forehead.

The bowl of water next to the bed was tinged slightly pink, and Dean mentally kicked himself for not getting fresh earlier that day as he quickly moved to the bathroom to rinse out the bowl and get cool water into it, with a fresh cloth again, to help cool Cas down.

When he got back there was a frown creasing Cas' forehead, Dean smiled fondly as the expression was so _Cas_ that it almost made him forget that he didn't even know if Cas was going to live or die.

With a sharp shake of his head he moved closer to the comatose angel, he carefully put the water on the chair from his desk and moved it to sit right next to the bed. Quickly but gently Dean wiped the sweat off Castiel's chest and face, and patted around the wound rather than wiping or scrubbing, noting that the outer stitches were almost ready to be cut out like the other few he did earlier.

Dean only noticed that Castiel's frown had deepened when he started to groan slightly in pain, Dean gulped and held his hand while talking gently and still wiping his forehead and chest, Cas seemed to settle a bit but the frown didn't leave his face, and occasionally twisted into a more pained expression.

When the twinges of pain seemed to stop, though the frown remained, Dean went to leave to help Sam, Kevin and Garth.

"Dean..."

Dean stopped dead in his tracks and spun around, Cas hadn't woken up, and the sound of his name was hardly more than a breath out of his mouth, but it coaxed the hope within Dean that Castiel was going to be okay to grow.

He slowly padded back to the bed to see that Cas' frown had softened slightly and Dean felt a small smile creep on to his face, he gently cradled the side of Cas' head in his hand and ran a thumb across his cheekbone, then bent down and pressed a gentle but insistent kiss to Cas' forehead, letting his lips brush against it gently, "don't leave me, angel, please don't leave me again," his breath brushed over Cas' forehead and the frown seemed to melt away at the touch of it as a small smile played across Cas' face and the colour on his skin looked less sickly.

Dean watched the smile creep onto Cas' face and pressed another gentle kiss to his lips, "I love you, Castiel, please come back to me," Cas let out a sigh and Dean finally pulled himself away, he had to help the others. They needed to get this working faster.

As he approached the main room he heard the soft sound of snoring, and when he peered through the doorway he saw Garth was tucked into the couch with a blanket over him and snoring lightly into the armrest.

Kevin now at least looked amused as he snapped a couple of pictures and grinned at Dean as he quietly moved into the room.

"When'd he go?"

"About ten minutes ago, he just sorta... Stopped. We didn't even realise till he started snoring while sat on the floor. Sam managed to get him onto the couch while I got him a blanket."

Dean snorted as Sam emerged from the kitchen with a rucksack, "Kevin's finished decrypting the tablets thanks to Charlie's decoding skills, he's got a spell for us to use to get rid of the last of the trials bullshit from my system; and he wants to see if what Crowley said was true about his mom being alive."

"Do we think it'll work well enough?" Sam nodded confidently, "what about the one for Cas?"

"I've modified the one we had before, there's a bit of a mantra type thing for you say to keep him grounded and focussed, but it's pretty easy."

Dean nodded, then looked at Kevin, "you got anything to go on?" Dean asked as Kevin took the rucksack from Sam.

"A bit, I can remember some of the places he uses as safe-houses from when he took me and got demons to pretend to be you guys, and Charlie managed to get some surveillance pictures showing Crowley around a couple of them more often than the others, so I'm hoping she's in one of those. If not, I'll be calling you guys to help."

"We scried her, too," Sam said as Charlie walked back into the main room rubbing her eyes, "it went to a pretty big area, but there's not much in it so shouldn't be too hard to search it. I've kitted him out and he's got a version of the vest Cas did for Garth," Sam waved his hand at the passed out hunter as Charlie chuckled and followed Kevin's path of taking a few pictures.

"So you're leaving?" she asked quietly when she'd done, "permanently or...?"

Kevin sighed, "I don't know, I mean, I'm a prophet right? I'm never gonna escape this and even though I'd like nothing more than to forget the past couple of years happened there's no way I'm actually gonna be able to, so I doubt it'll be permanently but I don't think my mum'll want to come here. We'll hole up somewhere and let you guys know when we've settled. You should come visit," Kevin grinned as Dean huffed a laugh out of his nose and punched his shoulder gently.

"Deal," Charlie's eyes shone at the thought of a road trip and she hugged Kevin tightly, "tell us what you're doing, and check in every day. You hear me?"

Kevin grinned and saluted, he hugged Sam and Dean made him wait by the door to the garage while he carefully selected some keys from a row of hooks. He threw them at Kevin and grinned as the prophet's eyes widened. Kevin grinned and hugged Dean tightly, bounding to the car and opening the door carefully.

Dean leant through the window with his forearms resting on the door frame, "you'd better take care of her, she didn't spend years in this place to then be serviced by me and then crashed by an overexcited kid."

Kevin snorted, "I'll look after her like you look after the Impala. Not gonna lie when you made me wait outside I half thought you were gonna give me her keys."

"Dude, I trust you, but you ain't having my baby. Now skat. Let us know if you need anything and call when you get your mum and you settled." Dean grinned as Kevin started up the car and nodded, his eyes slightly glassy as Kevin pulled slowly out of the parking space and through the door that Sam had opened for him.

Dean joined Sam and Charlie at the open garage door and waved at Kevin when he turned onto the bend of the road, Kevin beeped the horn and drove away. They all looked away before they lost sight of him and closed the door.

Sometimes hunters can be superstitious, it's a force of habit.

Charlie walked away first to get some food and coffee and Dean turned to Sam, "so, just us then?"

"Seems like it," Sam smiled at Dean and punched him in the arm softly.

"Just like usual then, it's how we work best I guess."

Sam chewed on his lip and looked in the direction Charlie had gone, "it doesn't have to be, you know. I doubt Charlie and Garth are gonna want to leave, and we've got Cas. Kevin won't stay away from us, you heard him say that himself. We have _friends_, Dean. We've got a _family_ again." Dean smiled and nodded while staring at the floor. "Plus, I mean this would be the perfect place to actually set up a base for everyone and god knows we need one. This could be the new Bobby's," Dean flinched slightly, "I know, man, believe me, but what better place to set up a hunter's meeting point than here?"

Dean glanced around the garage and finally let his eyes rest on Sam, "yeah, y'know I think I might have to agree, but don't expect that to happen again for another five years at least."

Sam laughed, "jerk."

"Bitch," Dean grinned, "lets get back in there and get these spells cast, we're not done just yet."

* * *

"You sure you wanna do mine first? I mean, I'm okay Dean, we can get Cas sorted if you want?"

"Sammy, just shut up and lets do this," Dean repeated as he thrust the sheets of paper at Sam and shook his head in frustration, "this one's simpler, as long as it works it'll be over quickly and then we can help Cas. Then decide what to do with Crowley."

"I still think we should just kill him," Sam grumbled.

"Yeah but the son of a bitch might be useful. Better the devil you know and all that bullshit," Dean grinned as Sam snorted and glanced over the spells in front of him, "you think this is gonna work okay?"

"Yeah, Kevin was pretty adamant that if I just say the spells backwards everything will be reversed, but I can't help to think that it's too easy as well. I mean, I didn't complete the last trial so I don't know if that's gonna have any effect on it all."

Dean grunted and set his jaw, Sam glanced at him and they nodded in synch. Sam stood up straighter and began to read.

When he'd done the first spell he was breathing hard, Dean's face had gone from determined to worried and Sam raised his hand to his face, it was hot and there was blood trickling from his nose, he gulped and tasted the metallic wetness as it slid down his throat.

He coughed, and then couldn't stop, it was as if he'd gone back to being in between the trials and Dean rushed to his side with a glass of water, Sam took a deep breath and drank a couple of mouthfuls. The coughing subsided enough for him to catch his breath and he let Dean lower him to the floor in a sitting position.

"Okay, not as easy as we thought," he tried to joke and glanced at Dean.

Dean saw the colour had drained from Sam's face again, there were bags under his eyes which were less obvious before he'd started this and his breathing rattled. Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled a smile onto his face.

"Well, I've seen you look worse, so just keep at it, okay?"

Sam scoffed and half-heartedly shoved Dean who then scooped up the papers from where Sam had dropped them, the first one had disintegrated after Sam had read it so Dean handed him the second easily, watching Sam's hand shake as he held it and squinted at it slightly.

As that piece burned up Sam leant forwards on his arms and coughed violently, he retched a couple of times with the force of it and Dean gently patted his back and mumbled encouragements to him, Sam spat onto the floor and it was a mix of bile and blood, Dean glanced at it in a panic then schooled his face before Sam saw it.

"You're doing good, man, one more, then you'll be okay, come on, not long now Sammy."

Sam took a few deep breaths and held his hand out for the final spell, his hands were shaking more violently and he looked like he was barely holding himself up on the arm that was still resting on the floor.

With a slight pang of fear in case it wasn't going to work Dean put the last spell into Sam's hand and readied himself to catch Sam in case he pitched forwards.

Sam took a breath to say the last spell and started coughing again, more blood splattered onto the back of his hand and Dean forced him to sit up properly, pulling him against his chest while he sat behind Sam and rubbed at his chest gently like he used to do when Sam got flu when they were little.

The coughing stopped and Dean made Sam drink some water, holding the glass against Sam's lips and tipping the cool liquid into his mouth. Sam spat out the first mouthful after swirling it around slightly.

"You're gonna be the one to clean that up, y'know," Dean tried to joke, but the tightness in his voice made him wince slightly.

"Shut... Up," Sam managed to wheeze, grinning at Dean from the side of his face that was facing him as he took a couple of short breaths and held the paper up in front of him, his hand was shaking too much and he frowned, tensing his muscles to try and stop it but that just made it worse.

Charlie appeared in front of them and gently took the spell from Sam, she crouched in front of Sam and held it in front of her; both Sam and Dean looked at her with thanks and love, Charlie smiled gently.

"Nearly there, Sam, come on, I need to kick your ass at Mario Kart, you'd better not let this get you." Charlie's eyes showed how worried she was, but she grinned as brightly as she could.

Sam laughed and started to cough again.

Charlie apologised.

And asked Sam to not die.

A lot.

And promised no more jokes till they wouldn't kill Sam, to which both Sam and Dean expressed their gratitude.

Sam got control of his lungs and squinted at the paper, he swallowed a couple of times, his mouth was dry and his tongue felt like it was three times it's size. And made of cotton wool. This time he was the one reminded of having the flu.

He managed to say the words, albeit slowly and with a lot more concentration than it should have taken, and the paper turned to ash.

"Was... Was that it?" Charlie asked in a quiet voice as Sam and Dean blinked.

"I don't-" Sam suddenly convulsed in Dean's arms, and Dean let out a yelp as he tried to keep hold of Sam to stop him from falling onto the floor and hitting his head, but not hold him too tightly so he didn't hurt him, Charlie let out a sharp shriek and jumped backwards, landing on her ass from the crouching position she'd just been in as he twisted in Dean's grasp and looked like he was having a fit, his body twitched and shook all over, and his arms and legs jerked violently.

After a few moments he just stopped, his breathing was ragged but strong, and he was covered in sweat that trickled down his face and into Dean's shirt.

Charlie glanced at Dean but Dean was staring at Sam, his jaw set and a look of terror in his eyes which slowly faded as Sam started to stir and coughed a couple of times.

Dean rubbed his arm as he came to and glanced around him.

"Heya Sammy, how're you feelin'?" Dean asked gently.

Sam blinked a couple of times and looked around, Dean saw the bags had gone from under his eyes and the colour had returned to his cheeks. He hadn't realised just how sick Sam had been looking almost permanently until it had disappeared.

"Sam?" Charlie said quietly, staring at Sam like she was afraid he was gonna explode.

"I..." Dean and Charlie leant forward slightly in expectation, "I feel _starving_."

Charlie laughed as Dean shoved him away and punched him in the arm with a laugh of his own, "you fucking asshole."

Sam rolled away from his brother and laughed.

Garth suddenly appeared in the doorway brandishing an angel blade and a water gun of holy water, "what happened, I heard Charlie scream, where is it? What is it?"

Sam, Dean and Charlie just laughed harder.

* * *

Dean grumbled as they gently lay Cas down on a bed in the middle of a cleared out room.

"I still say we should have left him in my room, he'd have been more comfortable than on that thing." Dean eyed the gurney they'd laid Castiel onto as if it had personally offended the world and it's mother.

"Yeah but we don't know what's gonna happen, Dean, we dunno if there'll be explosions or anything, and here it's less likely to cause any damage to your stuff," Sam sighed.

"I don't give a fuck about my stuff, and if you think something's gonna go wrong then why are we doing this?"

Charlie punched Sam's arm and glared at him, "nothing's gonna go wrong Dean," she said, turning to him with a confident but soft smile, "just, y'know, if Cas' wings make an appearance he's got more room to spread them here. I know it's the whole 'ethereal plane' thing but still, courtesy, y'know?"

Dean sighed and nodded. Charlie then ushered Sam and Garth away so Dean cold have a moment while he removed the last of Cas' stitches.

"This is it, Cas, you'd better respond to this or so help me I'll come up to heaven and pull your ass back myself." Dean stared at Castiel's face as he fiddled with the string from the stitches that he'd taken out. He bent and pressed a gentle kiss to Cas' lips, "I love you, okay? Please help us make this work."

Sam, Charlie and Garth approached. Dean glanced at them and nodded, he took hold of Castiel's hand and read over the Enochian words on his piece of paper again before slowly starting to speak.

The others waited until he got into a rhythm before beginning to draw the sigils on the floor and chanting the spell they'd put together with Kevin and the angel tablet. Dean stopped reading the words straight from the paper and stared at Cas' face instead as he chanted, he barely registered the others around him as he watched Cas frown and his lip curl in pain.

A white light started to shine from Cas' abdomen and Dean faltered slightly, catching himself and speaking more gently, lowering his head to be nearer to Cas and making sure his breath ghosted over Castiel's skin as he spoke. Dean felt Cas squeeze his hand and squeezed it back. Cas didn't let up the pressure, so neither did Dean.

The white light seemed to flow from Cas like it did when he showed his wings to those he was intimidating, it spread across the floor of the room as said wing's shadows appeared on the floor and stretched to either side before abruptly curling back in on themselves, from the shape of the shadow that fell over them the wings looked as if they had wrapped around Cas, Dean, Sam, Charlie and Garth.

The group had to close their eyes as they continued the spell, the sigils being drawn from feel and memory now as their chanting sped up and got louder, Dean's voice remained a steady, gentle tone into Cas' ear as the light grew, and he leant his forehead against Cas' temple while he murmured the words straight into Castiel's ear.

The spell stopped suddenly. The light disappeared. Cas stopped squeezing Dean's hand. The room went very quiet. Dean forced himself to move and look at Cas' chest.

The cut had gone.

He wasn't breathing any more.

"Cas...?" Dean whispered, all of them holding their breath and staring at the prone figure on the gurney.

Charlie grabbed Garth's arm and put her hand over her mouth to stifle a slight whimper as her eyes started to water.

Cas suddenly started to cough and Sam rushed to this other side to help Dean sit him up. The angel caught his breath and glanced around him. He blinked a few times then the group came into focus.

Sam was smiling widely with his hand on Cas' back; Charlie was crying with a smile on her face, her hand now over her chest; Garth looked like he was about to collapse; and Dean was staring at Cas like he'd never seen anything as amazing in his entire life, one hand on Cas back and one still holding his hand tightly.

"How do you feel, Cas?" Sam asked after the silence stretched out for a few more moments.

"I feel... Like me," Castiel looked up and smiled at them all and Charlie let out a sob, she threw her arms around Cas, Sam and Dean and squeezed them all tightly, "fuck if you don't like hugs, Cas, you will take this hug and accept my love."

Cas let out a soft laugh and moved his arms to wrap around Charlie, stroking her hair gently as she shook. Garth moved to her side and raised his eyebrows with a grin, Cas glanced at him and sighed, he moved one arm from around Charlie and held it out in invitation as Garth laughed and engulfed as many of them as he could reach in a bear hug.

The five of them moved away after a few seconds and grinned at each other, Charlie sniffed and wiped her eyes on her hands, and Dean gently wiped some tears away from her chin as she laughed and swatted his hands away. Sam grinned and high-fived Garth as Dean beamed at Cas and gently stroked his cheek with his thumb.

"You need anything?" Dean asked quietly, with a relieved softness in his eyes.

"I think I need rest," Castiel murmured, leaning his head into Dean's touch. Dean laughed and nodded, they all followed as Dean helped Cas back to his room and tucked him into bed. "Thank you all, so much. you are the best... Family that I could ever hope to have."

Sam beamed saying he agreed as Charlie gulped a little and gave a watery smile, then left before she started 'crying like a sob' again, Garth clapped Cas on the shoulder and said he was proud to be before he and Sam left so Cas could rest.

Dean perched on the edge of the bed and carded his fingers through Cas's hair, "I'm glad you're okay, angel." He murmured, never taking his eyes from Castiel's. Cas smiled.

"Me too, I would be very displeased if I never got to see you again. And I hope you know I would have kicked your ass if you died just to drag me back from heaven."

"You heard that then?" Dean grinned, "and give me some credit, we have other tricks than dying to get into that paradise of yours."

"I did hear it, yes. And by the way," Castiel pulled Dean down gently by the front of his shirt and kissed him deeply, "I love you too, and I'm not going to leave." Cas placed the hand that Dean was still holding against the ring which was around his neck, catching it between their palms as Dean swallowed the lump that had returned to his throat.

For the first time in a long time, it was for a good reason though.

"Good," he managed to choke out, then "good." A little stronger.

Cas laughed and pulled him into another kiss, "get in here, you idiot."

Dean smiled and stripped down to his boxers, as he slid under the covers behind him Cas rolled over and snuggled himself into Dean's chest. Dean wrapped one arm around Cas' shoulders and used the other to gently stroke up and down Cas's ribs, Cas hummed happily and slipped into a deep sleep.

Dean watched him sleep for a few moments before kissing the top of his head and closing his eyes.

Lulled by Castiel's breathing, Dean was asleep in minutes.

* * *

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

Dean caught the duffel that Charlie threw at him with a loud laugh, Garth grinned at them as he helped Sam pack their stuff into the boot of the car and Castiel sat cross-legged on the hood of the Impala, facing them all and smiling gently as they played around.

"Check in every day, at least once a day, and give Kevin and Linda our love, tell them we'll come visit at some point but we've got a lot to do now we're setting this place up as the base for you idiots."

"I think you'll find the word is 'idjit'," Garth said brightly, making Sam and Dean laugh, "don't worry, by the time you get back I'll have her speaking properly," Garth grinned, throwing his arm around Charlie's shoulder and shaking her from side to side so she laughed.

"You'd better!" Dean grinned, "and Charlie, tell Glinda we're really sorry for missing her next week, but we promise to be around at Misdummer to celebrate it with everyone. Hand on heart, we'll be there."

Charlie grinned and promised to pass on the message as Sam shut the boot of the car and moved to stand beside Dean, "we promise to check in, as well," he grinned as Charlie nodded and pulled a stern look onto her face, which was ruined with a giggle as Dean shoved her gently.

Sam, Dean and Cas hugged Charlie and Garth goodbye and climbed into the Impala.

"You guys ready to begin 'The Awesome Road Trip Across America to Gank Some Creepy Sons of Bitches'?" Dean asked as he turned the impala on.

"Dude, really? That's an awful name," Sam laughed from the passenger seat.

"Hey, driver picks the adventure title, shotgun shuts his cake hole," Dean grinned and caught Cas' eye in the rear view mirror. Cas shook his head and sighed but smiled and chuckled. "What shall we call it then if not that?"

"I dunno, 'Sam and the Dorks' Epic Adventure'?"

Dean laughed and rolled the car forward, waving at Charlie and Garth out of the open window, "dude, you're so the dork here."

"Am not!"

"Am too!"

"That's not even proper grammar, Dean!"

Cas pulled a face out of the back window at Charlie and Garth who were doubled over laughing as the brother's bickering faded away under the sound of the engine pulling them away from the bunker.

* * *

So, that's it everyone!  
There might be more in the way of Tannia and the boys, I'm not sure yet. I've got another one kinda sprouting in the back of my mind but there's gonna be a couple of other ones before that.  
Watch this space!  
But yeah, thanks for reading, and thanks for putting up with any spelling/ grammatical errors that may have missed proof reading (and if you notice any please, please let me know, just tell me which chapter and whereabouts and I'll get it fixed, thanks!) and thank you for the Kudos!  
As always, special thanks to Sonja for being the one that I just bounce a million ideas off and for being patient with me while I shout random bits of nonsense at her when the writing sends me a bit loopy. I don't know what I'd do without you.


End file.
